Sexual blues.

Tupem
Posted April 22, 2017 from Nigeria

Sexual blues.

Why are Africans averse to discussing sex? Ok, let me rephrase! Why are African women scared of talking about sex?! Its like a taboo! Most girl children grow up not talking about sex with their mothers talkless of fathers! even before marriage! I didn't with my mum! And thinking about it now, I laugh out and wonder where and how she expected me to learn about how to have sex with my husband! To be fair cultures like the Calabars in Nigeria actually have a fattening room where young maidens are taught about womanhood and I also heard how to "please their husbands". But it's like an official note you grow up learning these things on your own.

Even with the recent encouragement of sexual education being propagated, parents still shy away from having sex talks with their children most especially daughters. Could this be the reason for the upsurge in teenage pregnancies? How can a young girl child growing up and experiencing all those overwhelming emotions know exactly how to manage or curtail these emotions? I survived my sexual tendencies because I read a lot! So I ended up knwoing a lot too! both what should have been my business at that time and more than I ought not to have known. This secrecy shrouded around sex and sexuality has caused a lot of misgivings and misunderstandings especially in marriages. Most african Ladies rarely express themselves sexually, they act naive when it comes to expressing their sexual satisfaction even in marriage. Some women believe its only a man that has a right to attain sexual satisfaction. You hear them boast when such discussions come up that there's nothing special about sex outside child bearing! And if as an individual, you comment about how much you enjoy sex, crave and desire it even as a married woman you are tagged as "wild", "loose" or a "pervert". Now, if a girl child is the potential "mother" of tomorrow, laced with the probability of raising other female children of her own generation, then the right orientation and beliefs about sex has to be inculcated into her. There is a difference in teaching about chastity and teaching a girl child to embrace her sexuality and not be ashamed of who she grows to be from adolescence to adulthood. Even though we are in the "jet" age, informations are available at the speed of lightening on the internet, but we still have the job of being our daughters, neices, cousins, neighbours teacher most especially mothers, we shut children up when they ask sincere questions out of their naturally curious mind. I know exactly how I had mixed feelings about the sudden rush of emotions about the opposite sex as I grew up, I couldn't, didn't understand what was happening, no one to reassure me I was just normal. To me, my mum is the sweetest person in the world but she just couldn't look me in the eye and talk about vagina, penis, sex, orgasm, and a whole lot that concerned sex. I wouldn't blame her it was as far as she "knew" and was taught that she could pass on to me. I strongly believe its not the right way to go. A whole lot of us echo my thoughts but many still shy away when it comes down to talking sex. Let's be more open, lets talk to young girls about the reality of emotions that is bound to come and stay for the rest of their life. Sex is beautiful.

Comments 3

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Jill Langhus
Apr 23, 2017
Apr 23, 2017

Hi Tupem. I don't think it's just in Nigeria. I don't know of anyone in the small town that I grew up in the U.S. that had parents that talked to them about it. I think in the U.S. the dearth of sex ed is mostly down to religion, personally. Agreed. We can do better for the next generation. Let's liberate everyone and let sex be enjoyable for everyone, without any shame whatsoever:-) Great post, btw.

Tupem
Apr 24, 2017
Apr 24, 2017

Hi jlanghus! I definitely know somewhere out there things might be the same as it is here. And of course! If looked at closely religion has a big role to play on how people perceive sex. yes sister! We can do much better for the next generation! Thanks for your kind words!

Ese Ajuyah
May 03, 2017
May 03, 2017

Hello Tupem,

You are so right about the absence of sex education here in Nigeria. Sex still remains a phobia in our society. Its a taboo for most parents to openly discuss sex issues with their children. Although several efforts are springing up on the need for more open discussions between parents and their children. I think we are the ones to bridge that communication gap and start openly discussing sex issues with the up coming generation. Thank you for reminding us again via your post.

Ese