Continuation to my previous post regarding adulthood, I am writing this post to vent out some strong emotions I have been feeling for months. I am a simple girl from a traditional family, a family which is supportive about my education and career. But today my question relies on, will they be supportive about my sexuality? All my life, I have never asked this question to myself because I had never thought that my sexuality would be a cause of present stress. Today, I am going to share something personal and dear to me. I have been in girl schools and women's university for twelve years of my life. My mother sent me to St. Mary's Higher Secondary School thinking I would grow up as a disciplined and sincere Marian girl. I chose Asian University for Women because of the full scholarship opportunity. I never knew that being a part of this non co-ed curriculum would make me go through so many queries and stress in my head today. I should not blame the surrounding or curriculum, but has this made it more obvious for me to like girls?
I have dated boys during my high school, but in my bachelors, I dated a tomboy girl. We dated for 4 years and we are still dating. But time to time, our relation is facing certain fights and misunderstandings because of the fear of family abandonment and long distance conflicts. She is Muslim and I am Hindu. She is Bangladeshi and I am Nepali. Not only, our culture differs but our caste and nationality differs, but our gender is same. Does this similarity and differences matter so much to decide who we love and why we love? Is it just a phase, where we both are exploring if this is love or not. Like a normal heterosexual relation, why can't we live with peace and love. Why do we have to constantly think about our future and fear of family abandonment. Its been almost a year, but this stress is not going away and I am scared this stress in future might affect my emotional and mental health. Shall I just remain calm and enjoy the beauty of relationship and love with her or do I have to constantly remind myself to define this relation?