Pandemic Blues

Melissa Shrestha
Posted June 29, 2020 from Nepal

Just few months ahead the news about COVID-19 started spreading in media and around, I was lying down in a beach with my lover, having deep conversations with new kind of friends, exploring new rides and  living my final semester to the fullest.

The month of March was so tough for making choices, whether to stay or to go, whether to be at the moment or to think about future. Well, I chose my first instinct and that was to leave Thailand as my final semester was coming to an end and at the same the COVID-19 news were giving me panic attacks, which led me to decide that I need to return home for my well-being. Anyhow in May I had to return Nepal after graduation, but March seemed too early. It seemed too early to bid goodbye to my independence, freedom and memories stuck with this place. 

This time I was not returning home for a summer holiday or winter break, I was returning for settling, finding new adjustments and to be precise, it felt like returning back to reality. As always being back to home felt a bit overwhelming, but as the day passed by, I started losing track of myself. I was not the same "Motivated and Independent Melissa", rather I was turning into "Lazy, Anxious and Confused Melissa". 

Being back home felt like being back to safe space with a little roof at the same time being back to responsibilities and duties. I wanted to have a 3 month trip for meditation and isolation after graduation, but due to this pandemic, I feared travelling anywhere. Hence, I tried meditating indoors but it was not that helpful. Likewise, after graduation, I wanted to focus the early 3 months in self care, gym and keeping my body image perfect. Phew! I tried to make it consistent, but failed at it too. So nothing has been going according to how I wanted my May-June and July to go. I feel so weird about how I am planning my life with agendas. I am assuming this personality is coming from the experiences of me living abroad for 6 years of my life, where I always worked according to short term and long term plans. 

At this point, I just feel clueless. None of the places, where I have applied for vacancies have responded. Or maybe, I just dont feel like applying sometimes. Deadlines freak me out. I just feel like attaching the CV and submitting applications, just for the sake of telling my mind that I did apply. I am not giving proper attention to this important part of my life, where I have to apply for my first job. I am just feeling more and more anxious day by day.

I just don't know when will I stop feeling this way! I NEED A BREAK FROM THESE PANDEMIC BLUES.

Comments 9

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Queen Sheba D Cisse
Jun 29
Jun 29

Dear Melissa,
How are you? I hope you are feeling better today and I mean that. During these very hard pandemic months, it can be stressful and can lead to much depression and anxiety which is not healthy for any one of us if we are not aware and careful. It is extremely difficult to plan anything without knowing what will happen and it's best not to so as not to be further disappointed which leads to more stress and fear. Talking to others and expressing your thoughts helps as trying to be relaxed, calm and try to be involved in family engagements with positive like-minded others, even friends if possible which here on this World Pulse platform is a positive good start. Keep faith and be strong and keep reaching out to assist others too whom are going through tough times also.
Looking to hear back from you as we all fight this Covid-19 fight together and Triumph!
Thanks for sharing,
Mama Queen

Jun 30
Jun 30

Hello Georgeous Melissa ,
How are you doing ?
Trust you are safe ?
You are not alone ,I too have been applying for jobs non has responded till date ,but iam still positive that soon this pandemic will soon be over and everything will be fine , Sometimes nothing goes as planned but everything will be fine soon love .Stay safe,strong and believe .We are here for you and we love you so much . Love always Chi .

Jun 30
Jun 30

Hello Georgeous Melissa,.
How are you doing ? Trust you are safe ? You are not alone darling ,I too have been applying for a job up till this moment non has responded that does not mean that iam lazy ,We have to keep trying and be positive that soon this pandemic will end and everything will be fine . Sometimes things don't go as planned but we have to keep faith and believe that everything will be fine ,.Stay safe and strong darling .We are all here for you and we love you so much .Thank you .

Hello, Melissa,

I love how brave you are for speaking your truth. What you feel right now is understandable. A trauma psychologist wrote that we need not pressure ourselves to accomplish something during this pandemic if you feel overwhelmed with what's going on right now. Discover the little things that makes you smile and happy and do them.

Thanks for sharing!

Thelma obani 2020
Jul 07
Jul 07

Thanks for sharing your plight during the lockdown.
Things will fall in place dear.
Stay positive and strong

Beth Lacey
Jul 07
Jul 07

It is a difficult situation you find yourself in- as many of us do for different reasons. It is difficult to focus and be active when so much is up in the air. Please try to stay strong.

Shameela Yoosuf Ali
Jul 07
Jul 07

I can relate fully to whatever you are feeling Melissa,
Stay safe!

Catherine De Freitas

Dearest Melissa, I can relate to what you expressed and I understand how you feel. Try to take things one day at a time and look for at least one thing that is positive for that day. Try to think of one thing that you are thankful for each day. That is what I do and helps or consider channeling the anxieties towards something, for e.g art or poetry. I hope to hear from you. Remember you are special and beautiful. We love you. Blessings.

Jul 31
Jul 31

Oh, how are you? The pandemic is unprecedented, you are not alone falling into this kind of situation. Find sometime meditation outdoors and looking through windows which is great idea and act, be still and listen your heart and God. Enjoy the "slowing down and still" moments to prepare taking up something GREAT planned for you. Meanwhile, engage more whoever around you! Stay strong and HOPEFUL!