Why Only Women: A reason , A Way to overcome the reason

Upasana Chauhan
Posted November 27, 2012 from India

“It doesn't matter who you are, or where you came from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” ~Oprah Winfrey

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” ~Alice Walker

“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.” ~Diane Mariechild

What is required to empower the women across the globe, in every corner irrespective of religion, caste and colour? The first thought that will come, is to reach out to every woman and help them by all the means whether by educating them in various aspects, providing financial and infrastructural support or any other kind of help .Everywhere we can see banners , seminars , conferences , meetings , organizations all portraying to empower us, the women. Are all these really empowering us, when we go to somebody for help? No, I strongly disagree. I believe that we need to believe in ourselves rather than believing that somebody else can help us. This has been an extremely serious, important and sensitive matter. We have to deal with it very practically. I have a burning example of that: I know a lady who is from a very established family. Her parents found a groom for her to get married, who is a Doctor, needless to say, very well educated and financially rich. Not even after 6 months of their marriage, he started drinking heavily without any reason. And her life turned upside down, even till today, 25 years after her marriage. Due to alcoholism her husband does not take basic responsibilities of the family, even beats her regularly. Not only she, even her children have become the victim of this crime as they spend their day seeing their father to verbally and physically abuse their mother. Being grown up in a healthy and established environment at her parents’ house, now she and her kids can only afford to have just chapatti (Indian bread, which normally been taken with different vegetables and other dishes) without anything else with it , has to cut waste woods branches to light fire to cook her food, can’t even afford a gas stove. She even sells extra wood branches to earn few pennies. In few words, she lives a life that she wouldn't have even imagined in her worst nightmare. Now, when I see everywhere there are so many campaigns, organizations trying to reach out women and empower them to deal with such situations I really wish that some organization could help her out too. Unfortunately no organization could help her as she didn't or could not go to any organization out of embarrassment and or fear. So, what do you suggest who can help her out - NOBODY BUT HERSELF? If she would have taken a stand for her on the very first time when her husband came home drunk and raised hand on her, her 25 years of life would have been something else and the whole story would have been different. I strongly believe that the root cause lies in our inner belief. When a child is born, he or she is like a blank sheet whatever we write on it will be written forever. For a girl child, world has a very soft perspective for her. When she is growing, she will see that everybody treats her as a very soft person Sometimes special or unwanted .She is not supposed to do the work which supposedly done better by men or she is supposed to do only soft or light work, she is not supposed to go or be at places because men supposedly won’t like her here or may punish or enjoy her presence there. She is supposed to wear what won’t tell men to abuse her. She is even not supposed to raise her voice against anything or anybody who ill-treats her, rather she is supposed to cry and beg for mercy. But for a boy, since his very first moments of life he is treated and said in exactly opposite way. What’s the result? Boys are meant to be strong and girls are meant to be weak. Same applies when they grow up, men know that they are stronger than women so they dominate them and since a woman is aware that she is soft and weak she will also not respond back. That is the 'Root Cause'. And this is in our mind. Whatever physical difference we are made of with than a man, can be overcome. We can blame anybody else for our fate but it’s us who can still help ourselves. We have organizations helping out, reaching out to people but still they cannot reach to every woman or help everybody as most of the women won’t be in a situation to take any sort of help in fear of people around them who force them to lead their lives as it is. My strong desire to cure this disease from the root in order to prevent this rather than detect and correction.


The solution lies in working on the root cause of the issue and pulling it out from there. We definitely have to work out on the existing but in order to see a future where no girl will be weak. We have to empower a girl child right from when she gets her senses. And also educate the boys. This is not an easy task as this word has to be spread among all the children across the world. The word is ‘Same’. We, girl and a boy, a man and a woman, we are same and equal.

1) Spread the word in schools 2) Spread the word to parents 3) Spread the word to teachers

Trust me, once a girl/boy child will believe in herself and her mother, they will not leave any stone unturned to help and strengthen their mother. Also, now the boys will have the respect for women’s, girls in their hearts in their growing and learning age. We can mould them as we want and even when they will grow up they will look to a women with respect and thus we will have a whole generation empowering their own mom's, sister and friends. Also now, they will be the part of the shield to protect women from this ongoing violence. Today, why do we have most percentage of women fighting for women's rights as men don’t feel any importance of that as they also have a mindset that they have to be strong but why because that’s what they have been seeing since they were born. It’s not that they came with this from their mother’s womb. It’s our world who made them the way they are. All the above mentioned solutions are long term solutions. But, we really need to work on the present situations and how can we deal with them. There are so many days when we women want to talk out our small or big issues with somebody to figure out the right path but we don’t find anybody whom we can trust or who can show us the right path. This is irrespective of how rich or poor a woman is as they are facing violence in almost every sphere of life. Being from IT background I feel, Information technology is the common denominator that links people, irrespective of caste, class, sex, religion, race or political alignments. The problem is compounded by the fact that women in developing countries have little access or control over the household income and do not have the decision-making power to invest in these technologies. The solution can be as below:

1) In today's world, we can find technology in each and every corner of the world. We can use this technology to empower women. We can have a KIOSK- a guiding and helpline centre exclusively for women - in every corner which will be of local language just like we have an option for an ATM. This will help who are not yet literate.

2) Any women who will be in any kind of trouble or who needs some sort of guidance or counselling can log into the KIOSK and just share her problem. Her name will never be disclosed to anyone but she will be contacted by a corresponding dedicated counsellor (immediately or as per the request of the user) for that area to guide her or help her out of that situation.

3) By this, the major problem is solved which is the hesitation to reach out to anybody. After discussing with the counsellor she is absolutely free to decide what she wants to do in life but it will give her a bit of direction to her life.

4) At last, we are empowering women themselves. She has to decide on her own and be strong, believe in herself, be stronger to tackle things and problems. And since this will be everywhere so anybody anywhere can reach out and talk to another women who will be a stranger for her and she can share her issues with her.

Last but not the least; I would like to say that it’s all in our mind. If we believe we can do it, nobody can stop us. Ending Gender-Based Violence 2012

Comments 2

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Dec 11, 2012
Dec 11, 2012

Thank you so much for sharing. I love your ideas. I am a social worker so I definately like any idea that allows people to access the help/services they are in need of. I would love to hear more of your ideas.


Dec 12, 2012
Dec 12, 2012

HI Upasana: I enjoyed reading your article, you're very smart and focused. I agree with you, it's impossible to help anyone unless that person is willing to leave its comfort zone. But cultural traditions are very strong and women are raised to believe that marriage should be our ultimate goal in life because we are biologically weak and therefore we need the financial and emotional protection of men. We know that's a lie, we know every woman has the potential to fulfill its dreams. There are so many examples of women who have been able to rebuild their lives after years of brutality and alienation. But it's so much easier to fight against discrimination and violence as a collective, that's why is really important to support organizations helping women to become aware of the power within themselves!! All the best,