Meandering in the world of black and white

So, I talk to you comfortably about sex,

About my desires, my passion or apathy for some.

I talk to you about my crushes, person I want to be with,

Emotions I have for some, strong or mild.

I showed you my feeble side,

Sometimes I cried and found solace in your arms,

But does that mean I desire you?

You know people who made me cry, you know my weaknesses

I saw a confidante in you, someone who can understand

A friend who was always there to listen, a companion of tearful hours.

 

It does not matter if we kissed once, you don’t have a pass to kiss me again.

My ease at talking about sex is not consent to have sex.

A no is a no, you need to understand.

Pushing me over and over makes you a harasser.

Saying no again and again becomes tiring sometimes,

And I might say yes even when I don’t want to.

That’s what had happened in the past.

Few moments of passion make me guilt ridden for long,

Which you chose turn a blind eye to.

 

I woke up in the morning, guilt ridden,

Needed to talk to someone, so I told her what we did the previous night

A friend, being a girl she understood better,

She had been at my place, had probably walked in the same shoes.

So she tells me its harassment,

Not respecting my consent, pushing me till I bow down,

Asking for a hug and then kissing me even when I am pushing you away,

A drunk me, probably in the moment of heat agreed.

In seconds I realized what was happening,

Pushing you away, fighting with you to stop,

But, you beg me for another minute, to just bite my lips.

 

I was afraid and shaken till the core,

And I sent you away to the person you belong with.

I tried to act normal, texting you I love someone,

The person you respect so much.

But you kept talking about what had happened,

you seemed to still enjoying that,

Probably re-living those moments in your mind,

Perhaps, lying next to one who loves you.

 

I felt sick inside, disgusted at myself.

But was I wrong, she tells me no, I was not.

She tells me I said no, first no was enough and also the last one before I broke down.

She tells me I should not be ashamed of what I did but what I am doing now.

Again ready to give you a chance, ready to forgive you

and trust your false promise of not repeating the act.

I should be ashamed of still having a friend, who did not value me.

 

So, Next day I gave you a ring,

You did not want to talk about it, asking me to avoid the conversation,

You blamed it on booze and lied to me again in all your senses.

You said, you also felt guilty when you saw her,

When you entered the house and saw her love.

Oh, can I trust you with your last night’s texts mocking me,

Can I believe, you had not planned it and it was not in your mind for long?

With all your guilt towards the ones we love,

I wonder did you feel guilty for making me cry.

Did you feel miserable for shredding my trust?

I still wonder what you got from those moments,

Because at the end you lost a friend for life.