My Girlhood, My Womanhood

Vivian Emesowum
Posted October 11, 2016 from Nigeria

If my heart was divided into three parts, am sure you will find a part that is joyful, sober and expectant. I know very well that the sober part will be larger because it is present. The joyful has been as a result of those beautiful days of being a beautiful and energetic young girl who believes she is going to make her generation proud. At graduating from the university, a friend said to me "may you die empty", initially I was unhappy with such wish or prayer but when I asked for explanations, he said "you have so much in you and I pray you will give them all out", then I gave a smile.

I have lost interest in writing for sometimes now not because I do not want to write but the sober part of me is larger at this time due to women life challenges. I have even forget that I had a meeting with a madam Foluke at AAA Foundation to celebrate the girl child at Alimosho LGA. Going through my facebook this morning, I saw friends already celebrating, I weep. I CELEBRATE YOU BABY GIRL, YOU MAKE THE WORLD EXIST, sorry am celebrating on my bed with my body weak and aching, I have and will always celebrate you cos I started from there. That am still strong today is because my girlhood was really exciting.

The girl child is unique and beautifully made, she is the woman of tomorrow filled with wisdom to throw the world around. She is the changer, if given an enabling environment and the opportunity. She fight for justice because she is justice her, no wonder she is the symbol of justice with her sword and scale and her eye closed. she stands upright for everyone.

The joyful part of me is my girlhood, being the 6 child out of 8 children. Papa and mama was great in providing and sharing what they have with us equally. I did not have to sell before I feed or go to school. My friends were defendant on me as a leader, they come to wait for me to eat my breakfast then walk down to school together. At home, my parent hand over money to me even as the younger child for accountability. As a girl, I was not troubled of my reproductive health, my rags was there for my monthly periods until when mama understand that we now need a pad and not rags. I enjoyed the honour from my friends, I was everything to them- a good friend, a counselor, an adviser and a guide. We still enjoy our union till date but distance has really torn us apart. We only hear our voices now on phone, I continue to play my role.

My heart is really sober at this presence time. It's taking a greater part of me gradually. I try hard everyday to do away with this challenge before me and continue my normal life but to no avail. When I try to move 3 steps to carry on, it brings me back 5steps. I lay on my bed all night long weeping and praying because I have to proof my womanhood. Yes, to proof it is what the world expects of me as a woman and to do that, I have to conceive and have children. Being in marriage for several years without a child is not a child play especially in Africa and Nigeria. It depressing, humiliating and traumatized. Seeking medical care is even more embarrassing.

Women with fertility challenges has a lot of experience to share. You spend money, visit various obscure places just to carry a child. The first thing those traditional health provider does is to insert a finger into the vagina for examination before treatment. I can't even count how many fingers have entered mine. It's traumatize. Women take all such of concoction believing they will conceive. I could remember one that almost send me to my early grave, when the man was called, he laughed and said, don't worry na only pain, e go stop." I did not know what the mixture was but to give to a woman to insert in the vagina is ill-human. I was in very several heat like pepper in my vagina. Pastors financially exploit and sexually abuse women for the gift of a child. My faith and doctrine will not permit visiting prayer homes. The cost of orthodox medicine is very high, while we still do our best to run all required test. When the heart is weak, the mind think less and the body produce little. I hate presence state of mind cos it limits me.

My expectant part may be little but I believe it will flourish someday. I will nourish it was the experience of my sober state and it will blossom with much years of experience to deliver on task ahead of me which is to continue to support women proof their womanhood through our Reproductive health programme. Today, i maybe dull but tomorrow I will be on top again to empty what is in me. No cause never fought for girls and women is a waste rather it is profit upon profit. My experience will give me a better opportunity to know the challenges of other women especially when I met them at treatment centers.

My expectant part will one day overtake the sober part because experience is the best teacher. I am in my experience class with the best teacher and I know that when I graduate, I will be on top.

I stand for girls today for it is the foundation on the solid rock of my success. It was indeed a time to buidl self esteem, self image and self worth. A time of positive thinking and preparing to leader. It's the reason I can still expect a better tomorrow not minding my today. Years of girlhood will certainly take me to higher womanhood and for all women.

Comments 3

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Judey
Oct 21, 2016
Oct 21, 2016

I agree with you Vivian that women go through so much to make certain achievements in life, especially in developing countries. Be it the journey of growing up or even bringing up life. And that is why women are a unique species that will be in the mouths of many. Salute to all women who have soldiered on despite the set backs.

Vivian Emesowum
Oct 26, 2016
Oct 26, 2016

Thank you Judey for reading my post. It's consoling to be heard. I like that phrase women are unique species that will be in the mouth of many. It takes courage to move on amidst all the ups and downs. That courage is what I truly desire in all women to move on. Thanks for being here on WP

Judey
Nov 01, 2016
Nov 01, 2016

True that every woman has a story to tell. And it is encouraging to have woman who are bold enough to tell their story as it uplifts others who might be in similar circumstances.Don't let your expectant part be dimmed whatsoever, it is what keeps one going.

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