I will change first

VYSHNAVI
Posted December 14, 2019 from India

Change - I want to change. I want to change my fear to my strength. I want to change my sorrow to my happiness. I want to help. I want to love. I want to smile and I want to watch smiles everywhere.

Is it the rapist to be blamed for raping and murdering a girl/boy/child/woman? No, I am one of the reason, I feel responsible for that. My parents are responsible for that. My grand parents are responsible for that. My society is responsible for that.

When I was 8, I got molested by my cousin. I didn't get fear at that time. I just stood calm. I wasn't aware of what he did to me. I tried to stay away from him. After many years, I started feeling guilty for being silent when he misbehaved. Is it my mistake to be silent? Is it my mistake to share my pain now with anyone(parents/friends/public) after many years? Will my parents feel bad? Will they feel guilty for not taking care of me? Or will they shut my mouth and blame me for being silent?(many victims get these doubts. Luckily my parents won't blame me. But still I have fear.) With all these questions in my mind, I didn't share this to anyone.

One day my mother came to me and in some discussions she opened up and shared her pain. She got molested by my cousin at the time when she got newly married. My father knew that and my grand parents knew that. They scolded him and at-last forgive him. So, did he stop molesting other girls/woman? A big No. He molested me and did a lot more than what he did to my mother. So, whom to blame for molestation? Is it me or him or my parents and grandparents? You can forgive any person, you can forgive a molester, you can forgive a rapist, but when your molester is roaming around you, when your molester is roaming around your child, how innocent you are to believe him and leave your child to play with him.  I love my parents to bits. But still I blame them and feel guilty for blaming them. But of all, I will blame his parents. How did they raise him? Did they take care of him from childhood? Did they sit with him and showed love to him? Did they play with him? No. Why? Because his parents were not raised in that way by his grandparents.

How many people in this society give birth to children thinking on how to raise them? Whether they are educated or uneducated, whether they are rich or poor, how many really think on how to raise a child before giving or atleast after giving birth? Most of the people want to have a child. Everyone is happy having a child. Every grandparent wants to play with a child. Yes, every parent wants their child to be in a very good position in this society. But do everyone think on how to raise their child to be good and to be happy? Please don't say me yes. May be 30% of the people might think. I don't know how come some parents beat a child with a belt or wire for lying to them or for not going to school or for watching tv, etc. So is the child responsible for lying? Is the child responsible for not going to school? Is the child responsible for watching tv? No. You, the parents, you have not sit with your child and shown your love. You have created a fear to your child and so your child lied to you. You are responsible for his lying. You, the parents, you have not sit with your child and spoke to him about what studies are and how interesting they are. You, the parents, have just told him to get good marks and everyone will praise. You, the parents are responsible for his lack of interest in studies or anything. You, the parents, watch TV. You, don't know how to stop your child from getting addicted to TV and in-turn beat the child for watching TV. You, don't know how to make them play instead of getting them addicted to TV. You don't spend much time in helping them to study or play. But still you want a child and want to give birth to more than one child. For what? For beating them for your mistakes, for expecting them to reach your goals which weren't reached by you and for taking care of you in your old age. Not every parent. But most of the parents in this society behave in this way as they are not aware of how to raise a child in a happy environment.

Did every parent sit with their child and explain them what is love, what is hate, what is attraction, what is sex? Atleast did every parent show love towards their child which they deserve? No. Love is happiness. You, the parents, have you ever told your boy/girl child that their mother has given milk to them with her breasts and told them how important they are to every woman for raising their child? No. You have not explained them how it is a part of every woman's body and hence they treat them as sex objects. Whom to blame? Your child? No. You are the reason for your child becoming a molester/rapist by not showing love to your child and explaining how important every body part to a person is. 

Till now, I haven't told to anyone about my molester. He may be 45 years old now and is in US. Did he change? Did he ever feel guilty of what he had done to me or any other woman? May be he would have changed and is not molesting anyone now. He got married and have a son. But what if he is not changed? What if he is still molesting some girls? What if he has a girl child? Will he molest his own daughter? May or may not. What if he molests his own daughter? Who is responsible for that? Definitely, he is responsible and also his parents for not raising him well. But, am I not responsible for that? Did I atleast take sometime to check his behaviour now? Did I take any measures for helping other girls/women to prevent getting molested by him? No. Why didn't I? Because, I have fear of what my parents will think. What if they feel sad and what if they got mental health issues because of this. So, because of my selfishness, there may be chances for another girl/woman getting molested. Yes, I am responsible for a girl's rape and molestation. I may be knowing many molesters and rapists who live besides my home, who come to my college, who come to my office. But I stood calm and I am not helping to prevent any girl getting molested again. So, I might be responsible for a girl getting molested and raped.

Yes, girls/women commit crimes. Girls/women do rapes and kill people. Who is responsible for that? You, the parents. Have you ever sit with your girl child and shown your love and explained her what is love? No. They get attracted to boys and want to marry them which you can't accept and beat her and accuse her for destroying your respect and immediately get her married to another person which will make some boys feel that the girl cheated and wanted to kill/rape or throw acid on her. Yes, your girl child also really cheats some boys in the name of love which is actually not love. Who is responsible? You, the parents. You haven't taught your girl/boy child what is love. You have never sit with them and explained them to be happy and make others happy and have never taught how to face rejection. You just taught them to marry a person of your caste and will emotionally blackmail your child that you will either kill them or will commit suicide if your child marries a person of other caste. You are responsible for your boy/girl child becoming a molester/rapist/acid attacker/cheater/murderer.

Every person in this society is responsible for a boy/girl becoming a molester/rapist/acid attacker/cheater/murderer.

Yes, there are many people out there who are responsible for preventing such crimes, who are creating awareness on how to raise children, who are spreading love. My heartfelt thanks to all those for making me aware of all these. Yet, what is the use? Did I change, did I take responsibility to protect atleast girls in my family/location. Not till now. I want to change, I will change. I will try my ways to stop my own molester from molesting other girls again. I will take care of my parents. I will talk to them. I will talk to my friends to take care of their children. I won't blame the government alone for not creating fear to rapists. I am also responsible for that. I will change.

I will change first

I wish every person who is aware of how to raise a child, how to give them a happy environment will spread their awareness, will spread their knowledge and education to as many people as possible. Change should come from home. If every parent in this world teach their children about love, consent, happiness, joy in giving and sharing, I strongly believe that there will be no rapists/molesters/abusers and every child will grow into a true human being. 

I believe that just giving birth to a child doesn't make someone a parent. I am not married and doesn't have kids. But still I feel like I am a mother to every child in this world. Children are the pure souls. I want to see smiles on every child's face. I don't want any child in this world/any person in this world to suffer like me. I want every person in this world to be happy. I know, this is not easy. It will take years and years of work and I will start working. I will teach children in my area about consent and love. I will teach them to be happy by giving and sharing. I will teach them to be strong. I will try to discover or invent ways that can create interest to children in studies. Many children can't go to school because of poverty and many children who are going to school are not interested in studies as there are less teachers who can teach children that creates interest to them. Today, I can see many teachers in many schools beating up children for not getting good marks. I can see parents beating their children for not getting good marks. Most of the schools in my area always tell children to get good marks so that they can get a good name. This makes children study with fear for getting good marks. This creates stress and pressure on children which makes them commit suicide. It kills me when watching the news of a student committing a suicide. Every person should study in order to acquire knowledge. Every parent/every teacher should take the responsibility for bringing out the talent in every child. Every child has a hidden talent which everyone can't see. We should discover ways to watch the talent that lies inside of their pure souls. 

I will help as many people as possible and will smile by watching the pure souls smiling everywhere and that is my dream. I will make my dream come true and for that I will change first.

Comments 15

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Lisbeth
Dec 14, 2019
Dec 14, 2019

Hi dear,
A warm welcome to our platform and congrats with your first post. How are you doing? Hope India is cool.

Dear, you have really revealed the ugly side of parenting which is intense care and love for our kids and little ones.

Do you have kids of your own? I can see with all these analysis you will be a good mother in present or future :-).
We really need change, and oh yes change is good. Thanks for sharing this amazing post and I am looking forward to reading more of your future stories.
Warm regards
Lizzy

VYSHNAVI
Dec 14, 2019
Dec 14, 2019

Hi Lisbeth,

I am doing good. I hope you are doing well. I don't have kids yet. Thank you so much for your kind words :-)

Lisbeth
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Good to hear. I can't be much better it's a beautiful Sunday with underserved kindness from the creator.
You are a good writer dear :-).
Take care

VYSHNAVI
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Thank you dear. Have a nice day :-)

Lisbeth
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Welcome :-)

Anita Shrestha
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Thank you for sharing this amazing piece

VYSHNAVI
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

:-):-)
Thank you, have a nice day:-)

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Hello, dear Vyshnavi,

Welcome to World Pulse! It is such a joy that a new voice from India is rising up. I love your message of change, especially that change in oneself and how important the role of a mother is.

As a mother myself, I agree with you. This resonates with me, " Change should come from home. If every parent in this world teach their children about love, consent, happiness, joy in giving and sharing, I strongly believe that there will be no rapists/molesters/abusers and every child will grow into a true human being. "

I prioritize my children above all because I believe if I will be able to raise them well, then I contributed well in our society.

Thank you for this message, dear. Please keep writing! Welcome again to our growing sisterhood.

VYSHNAVI
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Hi Karen,
You are such a lovely mother. It is so great to hear from you and I wish and believe that you will make your children to be happy always. I love to see their smiles.
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Have a nice day:-)

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Awww. Thank you for saying that, dear. I do try everyday to be a good mom. You're welcome, my sister. Have a great week ahead!

Jill Langhus
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Hello Vyshnavi,

Welcome to World Pulse, dear! I totally agree with you. My husband and I are going through the adoption process and it isn't easy, but at least the social workers that are evaluating us are forcing us to address unresolved issues that we hadn't even considered before we're approved, to ensure we're the best parents possible. Just think how different society as a whole would be if everyone had to go through an evaluation process before they had a child.

I'm looking forward to seeing more posts from you and learning more about your dream, goals, and mission, dear. You sound like a very introspective and deep thinker, which I love:-)

Hope you have a great week!

XX

VYSHNAVI
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Hello dear,

Thank you so much and you are such an inspiration to all of us. I really wish your adoption process will be a success very soon and I strongly believe that you will be a very good parent. It is really inspiring that you are adopting a child and this shows how much you can take care and spread your love. I wish to see your child's smile :-)

Have a great week:-)

Jill Langhus
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Hello there:-)

You're very welcome, dear! Aw, thank you! Your story inspired me, too:-)

Thank you for your well wishes. I appreciate it! I hope so:-)

You probably will. I will probably post about it:-)

Thank you!

XX

Anne Penikis
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Your story is so powerful as are you for sharing it. You are right it does start with each of us...even if that impacts only ourselves, it is a wonderful and positive thing. Please stay strong with your commitment to yourself.

VYSHNAVI
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Sure. Have a good day:-)