HOW TO SPOT THE ENERGY DRAINERS AND ENERGY GIVERS IN YOUR LIFE

Wendy Stebbins
Posted February 9, 2019 from United States

From MIND OVER MATTER newsletter by Wendy Stebbins

 

HOW TO SPOT THE ENERGY DRAINERS AND ENERGY GIVERS IN YOUR LIFE

 

Even though women want to change, to move on, often we cannot right away because of so many circumstances such as finances, lack of education or a  paying job, lack of support. Whatever. HOWEVER, the most important thing is that we can develop inner power, step by step. This is what lasts forever and makes success possible. People or circumstances can take everything away from you. They can even cut off your arms and legs. But no one can take away what you have put in your brain/mind. No one can take away or damage your INNER POWER. So, if you are "stuck" for now or moving slower than you want, get busy like I did and read, get rid of negative traits like procrastination, saying "yes" too much, and develop strong character traits. That you can do anytime. It doesn't take money, it takes work but it is YOUR choice. I had to stay in my marriage five painful years while I went back to school and started my business while raising 4 children.

Today I am talking about the people in your life because who you hang around with is who you become.

 

Make a list of all the people in your personal and professional life. Even the clerk where you get groceries. Next to each make a note whether they are an energy giver or an energy drainer. If they are in-between, they are a drainer because they don't help propel you towards improvement and success.

 

Pay attention to how your body feels when you meet or are around a person. Your body is your unconscious telling before your conscious minds knows whether this person is good for you or not. For me it is in my gut/stomach. 

One "energy drainer" is more detrimental than 100 "energy givers". Drainers are like having sandbags on your shoulders. You don't even realize you are weighted down. You are working hard to get ahead but you can't do as well as is easily possible. An energy giver will make you feel like you are light, floating through the day. You will accomplish more, in less time, with less energy. To the extent you can, get rid of the drainers and make room for the givers or you will be at a competitive disadvantage in business, you cannot have peace of mind and success in your personal life and your health will be affected sooner or later.  When you get rid of some of the drainers there will be a gap in your life, like an empty hole. So what? If you want something in your life you have to make space for it. 

Learn assertive skills and how to say "no". If you "just can't hurt someone else" at your expense or are concerned about approval, get some short term professional help. The next time you are with a drainer ask yourself "How long am I going to be dead?" and move on to life-giving people. They are out there.

A few months ago, I was part of an audience. After the speech, the speaker came up to me and said "I fed off your energy" To myself I said "What? He must be a real dependent person to need someone outside of himself to energize him."  A few weeks later I met a man who somehow gave me so much energy just by being who he is. And I don't mean a love thing, I mean a soul spirit thing. From just having been around this man for a few hours, for the whole next week I floated through work....easily accomplishing more in one day than I had in years. I finally knew what that speaker had meant. I had never felt like that before. What a difference. So much of my life must have been held back by the energy of people I allowed or invited into my life up until now. 

Are you an energy giver or an energy drainer? Take note, because you also affect the people in your life....children, friends, family, co-workers, employees. Remember, heading for your greatness one small step at a time  is what it's all about in 2019.

 

CHANGE ALWAYS DEMANDS A TEMPORARY SURRENDER OF SECURITY

 

Comments 14

Log in or register to post comments
Marie Abanga
Feb 09
Feb 09

Dear Wendy

So warm to read from you. I mean wow, I just read a post from Smart in Nigeria dating 14 feb 2014 and you were his heroine, and then I see your post.
And it is so much to my soul - as a spirit person and a psychotherapist. I call the energy drainers you describe 'energy vampires' lol - I guess more scary hahaha
We really have to be mindful of all you write
I am an energy giver and I have always been from childhood, I just realized a decade or so ago I deserved to start with me first.
All the best Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Feb 10
Feb 10

Thank you so much for your kind words. Speaking of Smart...he has graduated University of Zambia. There aren't many jobs there so he has started a small clothing business and has applied for a govt. job. When I show him your message where you mention him from 2014, that will be like giving him an injection of vitamin B that propels his energy, self-worth and hope to a new heightened level. Thank you for being who you are. You matter. Or as we say in Africa "Ubuntu" which means "I am who I am because of who we are". Wow!

jlanghus
Feb 10
Feb 10

Hi Wendy,

Thanks for your inspiring post and reminder to watch out who we're around a lot and who we're allowing in on a daily basis. It's always good to maintain healthy boundaries and to keep reminding ourselves to be careful who we have around us and also who we are "spending" a lot of energy on, because I'm not always getting positive return energy on every interaction or person that I'm spending my energy on. This is one of my ultimate goals, but I'm not sure if that's even attainable. I guess I'll find out:-)

Hope you're having a good day.

Wendy Stebbins
Feb 10
Feb 10

Thank you for your kind words. I believe it all comes from my insides. I attract what I am . And if there are drainers in my path, they seem to treat me different. Good luck. It takes awhile but it's worth it.

jlanghus
Feb 10
Feb 10

You're welcome:) Very true. It's great that you are at that vibrational level.

Thank you!

Wendy Stebbins
Feb 10
Feb 10

And yes, Jill, if I happen to be around a drainer I move out of their sphere as quickly as I can and vow NEVER to try to be friends with them like I used to years ago. haha

jlanghus
Feb 10
Feb 10

That makes sense and sounds like a very good practice....

Wendy Stebbins
Feb 10
Feb 10

Jill, that is a fabulous way to put it - vibrational level. Because that is exactly what it feels like. And once you have it you NEVER lose it. It is just who you are inside. BUT, I had to work for many many years clawing myself out of the hellhole known as my life from birth. Definitely worth it. Thanks again. You are doing a great job on WP. Have a nice Sunday.

SMART AUGUSTUS LUNGU

Since the time I came to know you, Wendy Stebbins, you have been an Energy Giver. Not only an insipiration but also a mentor.Thank you for such encouraging and thought provoking article.

Wendy Stebbins
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thank you , Smart. I believe in you that you are headed for greatness. It just takes time.

Hello, Wendy,

I'm learning a lot from your posts. Thank you being generous with your knowledge. Most of my life, I lived with energy drainers. Thanks for the tips.

Wendy Stebbins
Feb 12
Feb 12

Karen,

Your message and words mean soooo much to me. You see, I was not physically abused so I always felt I had no stories to contribute to WP. (Emotional/invalidation abuse is another story). Then I got the bright idea, that I had been a national speaker for women's rights back in the 80's and 90's when women in the USA were just where so many in other countries (newly developed or developing) are starting now. Even some of us still in the USA. So, then I thought "Let me try giving what I know. Perhaps I DO have something to offer." Two other articles that seem to have a lot of impact with many women is the one entitled SILENT ABUSE-INVALIDATION and the one on empowerment. I live in Chicago but I have my NGO in Africa. We have a wonderful word in Southern Africa. The word is UBUNTU" and means "I am who I am because of who we are together." So, Karen, you have done a really good ubuntu for me. Celebrate. As soon as I finish one more meeting I am going to post another article.

Hello, Wendy,

I have read your post on Silent Abuse- Invalidation. It was an eye-opener. I wasn't aware of it until you wrote about it. That's why I am grateful that you are brave enough to share your truth because it helps us, your World Pulse sisters, too. I might not have left a comment on that post yet, I read it last year. I'll check it again.

Ubuntu, dear sister.

Wendy Stebbins
Feb 13
Feb 13

Thanks. Sometimes wh3n you reread someth8ng a year later you find different things in it because you have changed and grown . So it will be interesting to see your reaction. The companion article on empowerment may also be of interest. Thanks foe writing