NOT MY WEDDING DAY

Oluwatoyin Olabisi
Posted June 6, 2019 from Nigeria
What if the tide changes and Marriage is not the most important achievement for the Girl-Child/Woman

In my culture, the Girl-Child is compelled  to believe from a young age that the most important day in her life is her Wedding Day as even when she succeeds in her academic and personal endeavors it is not  valued as relevant as the day she would be given out in Marriage. As she grows up, completes her education, she is already being trained on how to please her husband and told daily that her husband's house is her house and she is solely responsible for the success or failure of the home with or without any effort of the man or her husband.She is talked into scheming to have as many children as possible particularly male children to showcase her husband's masculinity among his peers hmm even though he may not have even have the financial capabilities to cater for the children. They  say it is God who gives children and he is the one who will cater for the needs of the children. The Girl now Woman gets married not because she wants to but they say her biological clock is tickling and everyone wants to carry her children so in her new home she is physically and verbally abused but anytime she tries to report it at the Church she  is reminded of the Bible Verse- A Wise Woman Keeps Her Home and the Proverbs 31 Woman.

What if the tide changes and Marriage is not the most important achievement for the Girl-Child/Woman? Instead the Girl-Child is trained to develop her leadership skills so that in the future she can be the one through her creativity, ingenuity  and innovative solutions make her community and nation to be reckoned with.Maybe or Then I would have a strong community or even nation at par with the Global North.

Comments 10

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Jill Langhus
Jun 06
Jun 06

Hi Oluwatoyin,

Thanks for sharing your thought-provoking post. I didn't realize that girls were preened to believe their wedding day was the most important day of their lives in Nigeria. Would you say this is true for the whole nation, or just parts of it? It is a particularly demoralizing, and potentially harmful, practice, for sure. I agree that when girls and women are empowered the whole paradigm will change, creating, like you said, stronger communities, happier and more peaceful people, too.

Oluwatoyin Olabisi
Jun 07
Jun 07

Thank you Jill, appreciate your comment. I speak for my tribe and not the whole nation. However, I support the empowerment of Women and Girls as a strategy to end this practice. Also please follow and like my Non-Profit on Facebook- Women and Girl-Child Capabilities and Empowerment Organization (WGCCEO

Jill Langhus
Jun 07
Jun 07

You're welcome, dear!

Thanks for clarifying. Yes, indeed, and a very noble cause. Thanks for sharing your FB page. I've liked it:-)

Looking forward to seeing more posts from you.

Happy Friday!

Lisbeth
Jun 06
Jun 06

I like the opening picture, it depicts the popular traditional wedding dress, haha. Pls is that you? Did you recently got married or is just a narrative?
Yeah its true we even see all these in our Cinderella movie stories. The happily ever after movies. Its everywhere, Africa, Europe, Asia and what of you. A little different in Africa when the girl child at some age is put in a tied corner. Pressures from every angle haha. Thanks for sharing and have a great day.

Oluwatoyin Olabisi
Jun 07
Jun 07

No it is not me. I saw the picture on the internet. Part of the write-up was from my experience. Thank you. Please like and follow my organization on Facebook- Women and Girl-Child Capabilities and Empowerment Organization

Hello, Oluwatoyin,

What beautiful photo of a wedding dress! I think this idealism of wedding days came from fairy tales where we were made to believe that the Wedding Day is the beginning of a "happily ever after". Thank you for sharing your reflection. That is also the case of many women in the Philippines. In fact, my friends and I looked forward for our wedding days, but it didn't come early for us.Haha.

On the church, I hope this institution will be more empathetic to women. I've been a Christian since a child, and I've observed that wives are always taught to submit to their husbands. For some, this is become abusive and yet nothing is done to help the wife but to be told to pray or the church will pray for her. I know of a church where they advice women, if your husband physically hurt you once, pack your things and leave. It really depends on these leaders, but I hope they will not invalidate women's sufferings. May they also support women who choose not to be married. I think Paul wrote in the Bible that it is better for one to be single because he/she won't have any marital commitments to think about.

Thank you for sharing!

Oluwatoyin Olabisi
Jun 07
Jun 07

Appreciate your feedback . Thank you. Please like and follow my organization on Facebook-Women and Girl-Child Capabilities Enhancement and Empowerment Organization (WGCCEO).

Hello, Oluwatoyin, you're welcome. I already did. Have a great day!

Tamarack Verrall
Jun 22
Jun 22

Hi Oluwatoyin,
It is so good to read your strong voice opening up such an important discussion, to look at the need for a new focus for women, away from the message that marriage is the one goal, and sublimation in marriage expected. "What if the tide changes and Marriage is not the most important achievement.." Thank you for simply and boldly putting out this critical question. I completely agree with you on the positive outcomes that can come from a different way of thinking about our lives as women.
In sisterhood,
Tam

Hellen Kimanzi
Jul 02
Jul 02

Hi Oluwatoyin
Thank you for sharing the truth that i guess most Nigerians wouldn't want to air out. However, I believe this is a thing that happens in interior parts of Nigerian. I believe we have a lot of things to mark a girl most important day. Girls need to be empowered more to challenge these past cultures.