Breaking the Silence

Violence against women – particularly intimate partner violence (domestic violence) is a major public health problem and violation of women’s human rights today. According to World Health Organization (WHO) fact sheet published in November 2016, global estimates indicate that about 1 in 3 (35%) women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. Most of this violence is intimate partner violence. Worldwide, almost one third (30%) of women who have been in a relationship report that they have experienced some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner in their lifetime. Globally, about 38% of murders of women are committed by male intimate partners.

According to Womenshealth.gov domestic violence is when one person in a relationship purposely hurts another person physically or emotionally. Domestic violence is also called intimate partner violence because it is often caused by a husband, ex-husband, boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend. Domestic violence involves physical abuse (punching, whipping, biting, choking, restraining hitting, shoving or throwing things), emotional/psychological abuse (controlling the victim's personal freedom of movement or choice of activities; publicly and privately humiliating the victim; denying victim access to money, resources, or important personal items and people they love) and sexual abuse (forcibly having sex with someone who cannot refuse due to illness, disability, influence of drugs, or fear of retaliation.)

Nowadays in Cameroon and other countries, it is very common to hear of stories of girls raped by their fathers or male guardians and wives and girlfriends battered by their partners. Wives and girlfriends are repeatedly abused in their relationships by their spouses/partners but no one ever attempts to leave these relationships. Some women and girls die in the process all in the name of ‘saving’ their so called relationships from failing.

In my university days, I had a friend whose boyfriend used to beat her very often. There were times this girl will come to class with a swollen face but all I did was tell her I am sorry for what happened to her. Ironically I remember a day in our gender class when the lesson of the day was ‘Violence Against Women’. Most of the examples given fitted what my friend was going through. She burst out into tears and immediately I moved to another seat because I couldn’t bear to see her that way. I never said or did anything to save my friend because I thought that was her problem and not mine. I recall explaining the situation to my boyfriend telling him I will never let a boyfriend or husband hit me and if he ever did, that would be the end of the relationship. My boyfriend got angry with me the whole of that day and didn’t talk to me for days.

My friend’s situation is just an example of how we do not make domestic violence ‘our’ problem. Most often we think it’s the problem of the person being abused. Interestingly is my boyfriend’s reaction to my take on hitting me in a relationship. Some boys think women are objects or punching bags which they can hit when they feel like and they feel hurt or threatened when they find someone who cannot take that from them. This line of thought is justified in some societies, where it is considered that when a man beats his wife, it’s a sign that he loves her.

Most often than not domestic violence cases are not reported. Even when friends confide in us about what they are going through we never take action to help them, hence domestic violence becomes a continuous cycle of abuse. In the end it becomes very difficult to put an end to it because the whole issue is deeply rooted in patriarchy; it’s EVERYWHERE but we rarely See it, Name it or Have a problem with it and we sometimes make excuses for abusers and blame victims for abuse.

Domestic Violence affects women’s health (leads to homicide, suicide, injuries, unintended or induced pregnancies, still birth, miscarriages, depression etc); Children who grow up in families where there is violence may suffer a range of behavioural and emotional disturbances. These can also be associated with perpetrating or experiencing violence later in life; in terms of economic and social cost, women may suffer isolation, inability to work, loss of wages, lack of participation in regular activities and limited ability to care for themselves and their children.

Thus it’s time for us to BREAK THE SILENCE

BREAK THE SILENCE!

Speak to someone who can help, a social welfare worker, a close friend

GET INVOLVED.

Address domestic violence; promote gender equality; support women; help to move towards more peaceful cultural norms.

SAVE A FRIEND.

Let you friend’s problem be yours.

SAVE A LIFE.

Report a domestic Violence case or intervene in an abuse scenario

Empower and Free A Human Being

How to Get Involved

Say No to Domestic Violence

Break the cycle and silence of abuse