That day Janet (not her real name) had sleepless nights, the memories of her late father molesting her at the age of nine clouded her mind; she hated him for destroying her mind at a very tender age, she hated the fact that her mother was helpless then since her late father was the bread-winner, she hated her poverty-stricken life, she hated to see her mother struggle so hard to raise her school fees, she hated her life. All this problems must come to an end, Janet thought to herself.
What was she going to do?
Of course at the age of nineteen, Janet was still pretty and on the run which meant she was a fair game for the predators who were willing to cough money to such, of course, at a price. She admired young girls dressed in expensive looking clothes, six-inch heels, five layers of expensive make-up on their faces and long human hair weaves. Will I ever get there? Will I ever have a decent meal like them? Will my mother ever rest?
Three months down the line, Janet had slept with a rich business man and got herself a new laptop she needed to use in doing her assignments.
Just that and I have earned myself a laptop…… she thought to herself.
With this perception, Janet made it a habit to sleep with rich men for money which she would frequently send her mother back in the village. She felt her life was much simpler as she could obtain whatever she wanted. Willingly having sex for money, was not, she thought at that time, traumatic. It became a habit.
A whore, home-wrecker, men manipulator, a slut were insults she got from people who knew of her lifestyle and men she traded with. This affected her mentally and she would cry herself to sleep waking up to her daily routine. Janet felt worthless and lost the little self esteem she had.
She was molested several times by a man who was supposed to be the first man she would ever love, her friends called her a whore, some men she slept with for money physically abused her because they saw her as trash, all these made Janet to believe indeed she was a whore and worthless. What people did not know was that, she was hurting; it was not easy for her to wake up with a complete stranger besides, it was not easy for her as anytime she saw a man bad memories of her child abuse ran through her mind. Janet was used to negativity that she did not see anything good in herself or others making her go on with her lifestyle.
At the age of twenty two, the worst happened to her, she lost the only relative and friend she knew, the only person who gave her unconditional love, the only person she thought she lived for; her mother.
” Janet my daughter work hard, let no man out there trick you into losing your innocence and principles, remember this cruel world will throw you lemons please, make the best lemonades out of them.” Her mother’s words kept ringing in her head.
She cried every morning before going to class where she was greeted with a look of disgust by her classmates. She felt the world was against her, she no longer knew peace.
One day on her way from class she thought, ‘Why don’t I honor my mother’s request by forgiving my late father for molesting me?’
She did just that, day by day she felt better about it and once again found the inner-peace she had been looking for. Several months down the line she was able to talk to the only person who never forsook her; God.
Janet’s self worth was brought back, the lifestyle she believed to be as a result of a ‘free’ choice came to her realization that it wasn’t. It was a choice made by a mind damaged by child abuse.
Majority of us are quick to judge whenever we hear of one’s lifestyle of conducting sex-trade. It could be true sex-trading isn’t right, but that does not allow us to insult or treat the doers as sub-humans. I believe it is very difficult to remain human when every women-hating words, ideals and concepts are placed under your skin until you lose who yourself.
Everyone has a back story (and yes, some are Horrifying). Given their shoes, most of us wouldn’t fit in them. Pray for them.
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