Continuation-Past Revisited

Adelma A.Linatoc
Posted September 25, 2010 from Philippines

After two and a half-month of reconciling with my husband I got pregnant to my second child.I was so afraid and helpless at that time because I am the one earning for our means and my husband don't have the initiative to look for a job maybe it's because he was so dependent on me.With the suggestion of my cousin of a local advice and self medication abortifacient I took it hoping that it will take effect.For once only I did it because it will add another cost to my limited budget and it will also affect my working condition.It did not prosper and I continue my pregnancy. In order for my husband not to be idle and with his interest I allow and spend for his study on a six(6) months training course as a seaman that at that time applicants seldom have hard time to pass the requirements.Luckily, I was able to tap the help of my friend/beneficiaries of my former institutions' services.All the hardships of an expectant mother is expected because I used to travel to far places for occular survey looking for area/community where to put-up a community-based health program.Because the baby inside the womb of a mother was connected to her whatever feelings a mother will have for sure the baby will absorb.Anger,lonelyness,afraid,tired,etc.all feelings of a living person feels I know it penetrates to the baby inside.It was manifested to my son aside from the fact that I am a solo parent, he can't focus on his study although he was bright from the class.I usually arrived late at night from my work because our place is far and having hard time to got ride.Until I discover that he's drug user(shabu).I find all the means on how to cure him like place him in a rehabilitation institution but less than a week he was able to escape.I inquired for the governments' services on drug dependent and we are required to attend once a week or four times a month to the Narcotic Anonymous seminar for about six(6)months.With my understanding and endurance we religiously followed that order.During the course of the said acitivity the content are counselling by the assigned social worker,testimonies of drug dependent before and the an announced collection of urine to the patient in order to know if they continue using the prohibited drug.I was so thankful that everytime my son undergo the procedure the result is negative.I also discovered that as if I am a drug dependent also and that was been explained to us by the resourse speaker.We have seasonal excurssion also.We have our bonding,closeness and interest during the period and in fact we continue it until one(1)year.Before the end of his treatment I find enough time and chance to talk to my son my intent to abort him before.At first,he was speechles and tears shed in his eyes.I explained her my situation of being helpless at that time and I asked his forgiveness eventhough it's long time ago.He hold my hands and I cannot explain my feelings at that time.

He started to show that he had change especially when he have his own family and he becomes a very thoughtful and responsible father to his son. He took preparing his sons' need in going to school and help him on his assignments while his wife in an overseas worker.The painful experiences a mother have is when my son died so sudden because of aneurism at his young age of twenthy-six(26).I really felt a sudden pain in my heart that moment and maybe if I had a heart ailment I will be dead at the very moment.Words can't explain.

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  • everlyrose
    Sep 25, 2010
    Sep 25, 2010

    I am very sorry Adelma for you loss. Sabi nila na wala ng sasakit kapag ang isang ina ay namatayan ng anak. I have five children of my own and yung tatlo wala sa akin nasa tatay nila dyan sa Manila. Araw araw para akong namamatay na wala sila sa akin. Masakit para sa isang ina ang wala ang kanyang mahal na anak sa piling niya. I am praying for your strength and for your resilience. Matibay kang babae and malakas, kaya mo lahat ng pagsubok na ito and lagi kang manalig sa ating Panginoon. Thank you for sharing your story.


  • Adelma A.Linatoc
    Sep 25, 2010
    Sep 25, 2010

    it helped me a lot to share my past experiences especially ang pagkawala ng aking son.naging masyado syang malambing,thoughtful at yung mga itinuro ko sa kanila nuong grade schooler pa sila ay nagagawa naman niya kasi nga na-train ko sila na magkaruon ng kani-kanilang toka ng gawain habang wala pa ako sa bahay.there still moments na naaalala ko siya at nami-miss ko talaga kaya naiiyak ako.ang aking pinaghahandaan in the future sa aking apo sa kanya ay matulungan sa pag-aaral.during birthday niya at ng dalawa(2) ko pang anak ay nag-ba-bonding kami,also christmas time at death anniversary. i still have a daughter living afar from me at nasa new zealand siya since twelve(12)years old and until now hindi pa kami nagkikita.she went there with her father na naging partner ko dito two years after i separated with my first husband.i got two kids from him at yung one left here with me na now is irregular fourth year college.there's added/another story of my life which i am going to share here pa rin. let's pray with each other and i know we can pass all the loneliness in missing our child living far from us. i am so greatful