I used to think that first impression was everything. Now I understand that the first impression means nothing about me and everything about the person we are meeting. They don’t know us. There is no evidence that we are a certain kind of person. This happens only when we engage with each other. I’m referring to an authentic engagement.
The trouble lies in the fact that there is very little authentic engagement between people. There are several things that need to take place before this can occur:
1. Both parties must have a solid and deep connection to their inner spirit aka authentic self. If only one woman has synthesized her values and connected to her authentic self, she will immediately feel, the lack of introspection in the other woman. Usually this equates to a non-starter relationship.
2. There must be a wish/reason to engage. Common ground in something shared.
3. Each woman needs to let go of her initial judgements. One woman could be in deep casual. Another woman might be in a shallow dressed to impress. Each woman is in her own space. And they are different from each other. Getting past this difference is a special skill. It requires an honest look at why there may be judgements. This needs to happen fast, or the opportunity will pass. For example: how many of us choose a book based on our initial impression of the author through a photo or meeting at a book signing? Does this image of the author hold any weight in whether or not we will buy her book?
4. There is also a certain amount of compassion we can feel when we see someone either hidden under their exterior look, eg. homeless person or a woman dressed in the latest designer fashion and is dripping in jewels. The exterior of both say something about them. Maybe they are both down on their luck. One can only speculate, again, this is our personal impression. Maybe the homeless woman has finally found her freedom? Maybe the other woman worked very hard to earn the clothes and jewels. Either way, the only way we will know anything about them is through a verbal and nonverbal exchange.
5. Today, young women (and older women but with less time), flock to the mall to buy just the right thing to wear so that people will think a certain way about them. This is a sad state of our society…around the world. It’s like eating, but never feeling satiated. It really is the same. The outfit will never earn friendship. It may attract some kind of attention, but not an authentic relationship.
6. Authentic relationships occur when we have shared values and have chosen to communicate these values with each other. A lot of time, this doesn’t occur before men and women step down the aisle. This is the cause of high divorce rates. At some point, the excitement fizzles out and reality steps in. For those who share the same values, the relationship will become stronger. For the others, divorce or a ‘dead marriage’ is on the horizon.
7. Where to look for authentic engagement: In the eyes and facial expression.
Exercise for personal growth:
Find a comfortable position to sit with your computer. Take a deep breath. Hold it for a few seconds and let it out slowly.
Write a blog post* about first impressions. How do you handle them? Be honest? Do you judge? What kind of depth have you learned from the woman you’ve just met?
What will you do when you meet women who are not authentically connected to their inner spirit? (I am assuming that you have done the personal discovery steps and begun your personal developments. If you haven’t, I suggest that you do!) Maybe compassion is the most appropriate emotion. This takes practice. Try to see this beautiful woman and honor her no matter what you are experiencing of her.
If you choose, why not try to engage with a woman who is not authentically connected to her inner spirit? You never know what you’ll find out? But you might be able to assist her in her own development. It’s likely she doesn’t even know anything about personal development. Send her here for the Personal Discovery work to start.
With love, Amanda