I am not sure why? I know I should and must get up! But it seems to take up so much energy to get up each morning and get my self to work. It is the same humongous effort to put my self to bed each night.
It seems as if I have to be at war with myself in the morning, in between and in the evening. Once, I succeed in getting up and moving myself to work place my day seems ordinary. Yet at times I get attacks of tiredness, restlessness a deep desire to rest and a sense of emptiness in my brain. The emptiness in my brain creates emotions that I cannot find words to express. The emotions look like vast lands with angry waves in a thunder storm with lightning striking now and then on huge monster like mountains with creepy things trying to get hold of me. When these pangs of emotion pass I can see the rainbow with its bright beautiful colours and cool fresh air like a whirl pool around me.
Today, actually, I am right now a bit empty headed with cobwebs floating and slugs crawling and making me feel that I need a sleep. It is 11:45am. I am supposedly doing assignments which are due in the coming weeks. I just had this desire to express how I am feeling right now. Thanks to PW I don’t know how I can defeat the slugs in my brain. I literally am tired and the fact of my procrastination is making me guilty too. But I cannot find a way to convince me to work on my assignments. I know it will be done in the last minute. Maybe I do not have much passion to do those assignmnets. I cannot even recall what it is all about. Hmmm… the assignments are more like a dream at the moment.
From my study time, I have actually wasted about an hour, or am I wasting. I am entertaining my self with all sorts of thoughts that may help to get a spark and turn robot like to get the assignments done. Sometimes I don’t seem to have much connection to these various thoughts but they do impact against my fight for success.
I am going for a walk to get some fresh air… talk to you later PWJ :-)