The kid that grew :)
  • The kid that grew :)

I am not sure why? I know I should and must get up! But it seems to take up so much energy to get up each morning and get my self to work. It is the same humongous effort to put my self to bed each night.

It seems as if I have to be at war with myself in the morning, in between and in the evening. Once, I succeed in getting up and moving myself to work place my day seems ordinary. Yet at times I get attacks of tiredness, restlessness a deep desire to rest and a sense of emptiness in my brain. The emptiness in my brain creates emotions that I cannot find words to express. The emotions look like vast lands with angry waves in a thunder storm with lightning striking now and then on huge monster like mountains with creepy things trying to get hold of me. When these pangs of emotion pass I can see the rainbow with its bright beautiful colours and cool fresh air like a whirl pool around me.

Today, actually, I am right now a bit empty headed with cobwebs floating and slugs crawling and making me feel that I need a sleep. It is 11:45am. I am supposedly doing assignments which are due in the coming weeks. I just had this desire to express how I am feeling right now. Thanks to PW I don’t know how I can defeat the slugs in my brain. I literally am tired and the fact of my procrastination is making me guilty too. But I cannot find a way to convince me to work on my assignments. I know it will be done in the last minute. Maybe I do not have much passion to do those assignmnets. I cannot even recall what it is all about. Hmmm… the assignments are more like a dream at the moment.

From my study time, I have actually wasted about an hour, or am I wasting. I am entertaining my self with all sorts of thoughts that may help to get a spark and turn robot like to get the assignments done. Sometimes I don’t seem to have much connection to these various thoughts but they do impact against my fight for success.

I am going for a walk to get some fresh air… talk to you later PWJ :-)

Comment on this Post


Hi Amei,

I smehow seemed to run into this article which was written by you a long time ago. But I am just checking in with you, anyway, my friend beasue it sounded like you were very sick or even perhaps depressed. I know that if it is not a physical illness, that sometimes I get the same feelings you described when I am not being "me", nt doing my soul work but rather doing what others expect of me, or what I must do because of the situation I have gotten myself into. I am just wondering if you are feeling okay today, and if you are not you can always contact me at my personal email:

Love and ubuntu,

Your friend,


Wendy Stebbins Founder/CEO I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

That was 2010 and seems a long time ago... I am smiling and had to read the post again to make sense of your comment :-)

I was really depressed and I had a lot of suppressed emotons that got triggerd in 2005. Then I was so lost. Now I have come a long way and it has been great. Worldpulse was one forums that helped me to connect with people and get out of my depression. Thank God! I learnt much. I found that people who care are helpful and commpassionate.

Now, most of the time I feel great and I still continuosly keep my self in check with my emotions. I learnt that I have to start with myself If I needed real happiness. Thanks Wendy. It is people like you that makes me smile and my life wonderful.

Thank for your friendship Amei