Content and Thankful ... action not words - working document

A man, age 45 married a women aged 25 and soon after in 1945, my mother, Aminath Rasheeda was born. Within the next 14 years, 7 more siblings followed. Aminath Rasheeda, being the eldest, looked after her younger siblings and assisted her parents in a most difficult situation where food was scare. Out of the seven siblings, three passed away at young ages due to unknown issues yet named as natural causes, leaving 2 sisters and 2 brothers. The home environment was violent and fearful with a mother who disciplined the kids by beating them while her father earned outside. When asked about the violence, she says all kids were beaten and would insist that she cannot recall any of it. As if telling me, “Look that was long time back and not relevant now.”

Her father was a well respected man in the community but did not earn much by being an Imam in the mosque, saying prayers at houses and teaching Quran to neighbourhood kids. His low income and the large family was a key factor in the hardship in her life as she grew up. The family consisted of 7 kids, her own siblings, another 3 kids, her cousins, a widowed aunt and her son and her parents. Fourteen members depending on one small income! Her father's sister helped the family along the way by providing clothing and at times food.

Food was hard earned and by nine or ten in the morning they may get breakfast with a piece of dried bun named “faaroshi” and a bowl of black tea. She told me that she would soak the faaroshi in the bowl of tea to make it bigger. Even after eating the breakfast she would still feel hungry. She also shared that she spent a year with her aunt because her father was unable to look after all the children. I can hear sadness and the pain in her voice even though she was trying hard to tell me about her life experience in a very casual manner. She added that clothing was scarce too. She had only two pieces of clothing--one to wear and the other to be washed and cleaned. Her aunt sometimes gave her a dress on the occasion of celebrating Eid, which comes twice a year. If she was lucky she might get two dresses a year. To convey the hardship she told me that to go to work as a nurse, she had to get a second hand dress from a distance cousin and mend it to fit her tiny body but quickly added that she has too many now and do not know what to do with them.

Aminath Rasheeda went to a ward school named Madharusathul Ameer Ahmed at age of 9. All subjects were taught in the local language of 'Dhivehi'. There was no tradition in Maldives of sending girls to school. The ward leaders visited house by house begging to send the girls to school. Fortunately she was sent by her parents. Aminath Rasheeda joined the first nurses in the Maldives in 1959, at age 14, and was given training for 3 months to how to give injections and first-aid dressing. There was only one doctor at any given time. He who would train the nurses on the job with whatever patient may come with an illness.

She expressed with pride that it was her father who took her to a friend’s place to learn English. She said a lady named Habeeba Hussain Habeeb would help her to learn English. She also visited a house named Athireege to seek help with her English while she was working as a nurse. She said she learned the English alphabet when she was seeking assistance from these ladies. It was only after working for 5 years that she got further 1 year training with a new batch of students and a Nurse Aid Certificate was awarded.

She got married in 1965 and had her first child in 1967. This child was me, Amei. She moved to her husband’s place and lived with his family until her own father passed away in 1968. Her husband was not happy in leaving their daughter at the hands of grandparents. As a nurse she had to work different shifts and working in night shifts meant she would need sleep during the day. She could not work night-shifts and look after her daughter during the day without sleep and rest. She said this was the reason that she gave up her job. She says she “did not feel anything at the time when she left the job.”

She agreed that she would have liked to continue her career as a nurse, but the circumstances could not support that. When her father passed away, he left 6 younger kids and because she was the eldest, she asked her husband to move back to her family and requested to get the job as a nurse to support her siblings. Her husband promised to look after the siblings and his own family and insisted she should not take up nursing again. At times the financial situation was tough and because they depended solely on her husband income, she wished she did not have to give up her job. She was an independent woman from age 14 and I’m sure she felt it awfully hard to be dependent when she knew that she could earn money to support her family.

As her husband was true to his word in supporting everyone, she said it was much easier for her to fight the battles of life and face the financial challenges. Aminath Rasheeda worked as a dressmaker sewing with a peddle machine. She would work until past midnight and wake up early to continue work. She helped the neighbourhood women and continued to work as nurse assisting women who were adamant to give birth at home. Though she gave up her career she did not give up working. She earned and looked after her five kids and her three siblings. She also looked after a widowed aunt and her son until they moved out with her sister.

Her determination to be independent was evident. Financial security today makes her less worried and calm, knowing that she does not want to depend on her kids in her old age. She is content with how her kids have turned out to be independent and able. I am using “content” because I sense guilt and sadness beneath her words. I know her dreams have not been fulfilled. She has developed an understanding that she cannot control what others will become. She is afraid of being dependent and not at peace, yet content and thankful.

Hi Girls, This is my first attempt. I am not feeling too happy with this article. I feel there is something important missing. Waiting for some feedback. Cheers Amei