I will keep resisting this culture who wants to bind a girl to sit behind closed doors and allow boys to dominate everywhere.

My name is Ayesha. I am a middle class girl from Pakistan. I am going to write a real life incident happened to me yesterday. I am still shivering while I have decided to write about this incident. The 1st day I had a local travel alone was my 1st day at university in 2008. After completing my business degree in 2012, I started doing job. So it’s been 9 years that I’m travelling on my own in local vans and Rickshaws in Gujranwala, and such harassment incident happened second time in my life and both are completely different from each other but has same impact on my mind. Last year I got harassed by an unknown mobile number and he made me crazy by following my office routine, my personal life, my official email ID and my face book account. I blocked almost 15 numbers from where he tried to contact me but he kept contacting by changing numbers. He disturbed me every possible way and when my I lost my patience, I made an official complain on the helpline on Cyber crime cell of Federal Investigation Agency Pakistan. They made one warning call to him and he apologized to me and never contacted again. That was the best thing I did in my life.

It happened again yesterday in different way. I was going back from office near 4 pm. 1st I was walking cause a fly over is under construction near my office and I have to walk for almost 10 minutes to reach the rickshaw stand. A guy on a gray colored car passed very close to me that all the mud mixed with water fell on my shawl but I ignored and kept walking, then I took a rickshaw. As I was sitting on back seat, I saw same guy was waving his right hand and sending flying kisses towards me. I ignored him many times but he kept following my rickshaw. One lady was sitting with me. She looked at me with doubt, she thought that I am girl friend of the guy and she started her “so called cultural values lecture”. She said that I am doing job in a hospital since 13 years and I never did anything bad to break the trust of my family. This thing made me so hurt but I said nothing to her but due to those words of her, I waived the back of my right shoe towards car. The woman just got shocked when I did this and got silenced. I did this not to irritate that guy but to satisfy that woman sitting with me. But after this, the guy felt insulted and he started following with increased speed of his car. The rickshaw stopped on a patrol pump for patrol filling. This Patrol is located near the university where I got my degree.

While rickshaw was stopped, the guy made a warning sign towards by raising his finger. By doing this, he conveyed to me that as I insulted him, he will take revenge; he is not going to leave me and will keep following. The first thing came in my mind that this may result into rape as it is a big thing in my culture to challenge a man’s ego.

I got so scared and right on that moment, I decided to leave that rickshaw. I screamed “Stop it in front of Punjab university, stop it now” and after paying rent, I crossed 2 roads almost running. After entering into university, I was shivering and was full of sweat and crying. I told to guard that one guy is following me and I just came here as considering a safe place. He got so worried and brought water for me, went outside to see the guy but couldn’t find. He gave me chair and his phone to call at home as I was out of balance in my phone.

I called to my cousin and asked him to come to university to pick me up ASAP. As I was crying so he got worried and came in 10 minutes and took me to the home.

After reaching home, I couldn’t get out of it. I still couldn’t. I felt like a 15 years old girl. All my bravery went away after seeing that warning sign from him in just one second. I couldn’t even see the number of his car and decided to leave the rickshaw.

I’m still in a trauma and still thinking that what may happen if I didn’t leave the rickshaw? What if I got kidnapped and raped? I am an orphan and elder sibling in my home. I have to do job to support myself and my family.

My mother was really worried after this as she was crying when I left home for office today. I want to say that I pay all my bills; harm no one, spread peace and love and work hard for a successful career. I want a normal life. Why I can’t have without depression? Such incidents keep scaring me and really discouraging. But I am not going to sit idle at home after facing such incidents. I believe that after some time, I will get out of this mental pain and be stronger as “there are no lessons in life but learning”.

I did not think of leaving the job or hire a private van. I will keep doing it the way I was doing it. I will keep resisting this culture who wants to bind a girl to sit behind closed doors and allow boys to dominate everywhere.

But there are some questions in my mind. First is that why women don’t support each other while such incidents happen? I know, I did that shoe waiving thing to satisfy the lady sitting with me that I am not his girl friend, don’t even know him. The whole incident would be different if she said, “don’t worry, the men are like this”. I may get encouraged, feel supported and safe.

Second that what kind of satisfaction a man feel when he tease a girl? Why his ego is so big that he finds its ok if he is waiving his hands and sending kisses to an unknown girl on road but if that girl sent a negative response, it’s not ok and he has to take revenge to prove that he is a man?

We have to start teaching our girls to support each other, bullying other girls will not give them a good character certificate. And we have to teach our boys to behave, harassing any girl will not help to make them more man.