Silent Scream....

bukkystars
Posted February 23, 2018 from Nigeria
Olubukola Adesina

I wish I could be myself To say what ever I feel To do what ever I feel is right To do what ever I want. I wish I could be myself To call the bluff of anyone To look people in the face To decide my own fate. But who in the world am I? Do I really know now? Only in my throat I feel The SILENT SCREAM........

This post was submitted in response to You Are a Silence Breaker..

Comments 8

Log in or register to post comments
  • jlanghus
    Feb 24
    Feb 24

    Hi Bukky. Thanks for sharing your story. What do you feel holds you back from being yourself and speaking up?

  • bukkystars
    Feb 24
    Feb 24

    Thanks for your comment.. Being a woman out here has a lot of its disadvantages, Religion, culture, gender expectations.. etc.. I am a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, but not a me.. As a female lecturer, it is difficult to go for conferences/workshops, as the question will be: who will take care of the children? I have to publish or perish, but where is the time with child rearing? I can go on and on....

  • Anando Ghosh
    Feb 24
    Feb 24

    Thank you Bukky for sharing your story! Writing is a wonderful medium for helping us let out all the bottled up emotions within. I am so happy that you have chosen writing to speak the truth! Best wishes to you...

  • Wendy Stebbins
    Feb 24
    Feb 24

    BUKKY,

    OMG!  Your words mirror my young life many many years ago. I was where you are now. I no longer am. PLEASE, I beg you to read my WP article THE SILENT ABUSE . . . INVALIDATION.  You are in a terrible terrible position as I was years ago. What you are feeling is appropriate give the many many stresses, trauma, too many responsibilities and silent abuses in your life all at the same time. I was a mother of 4 children(all 18 months apart), my husband was an alcoholic, never home to help and a SILENT abuser (read the article). I was driving to college the hours the kids were in school but had to be back when they arrived home from school and act cheerful,  and studied all night when they were in bed (college was to quietly and slowly claw myself out of the hellhole known as my life which took 5 years but I had a hopeful goal), I was working doing women's groups in my basement and was a motivational speaker, to get rid of the bill collectors who showed up on our door since my husband didn't pay the bills, always felt guilty not giving the kids enough time, on and on and on. On top of it, because I unconsciously did not know what healthy "normal" was, the friends I picked were also silently DRIVING ME CRAZY. On and on. 

    YOU have to be in this position today...right now. But not forever. I had to plan for 5 years how to silently and responsibly get out of the hellhole known as my life. As I set my little goals, God must have seen I was serious and put many of the right people in my life (for you, I am one of them). I can help you. What you will end up with at the end of your trauma will be what I have...the natural, easy ability to MAKE HUMANITY GREAT, to have like-minded people in your life, and to have all the things you want {like quiet peace of mind). Everything I went through was preparing me for my greatness. It was like going through my PH.D. in LIFE AS I WAS MEANT TO HAVE IT. Just doing one little thing different each day as a start was life changing because it put me in control with a specific goal I was getting to. 

    My email address is: headingforgreatness1@gmail.com. I welcome an open dialogue with you ongoing. If this does not work for you, it is okay. I wish you love and the best. But PLEASE know, I KNOW what courage you have, because you have been living the best you can despite the awful awful way it is. You cannot even imagine right now that when you get your life corrected how your strong courage will propel you to greatness. You have reached out on World Pulse. That is a very big step. I hear your screams across the world, I remember them myself but you are going to be okay.

    Love and Ubuntu,

    Wendy

    P.S. Ubuntu is a southern Africa word meaning "I am who I am because of who we are together".

  • bukkystars
    Feb 24
    Feb 24

    Thank you so very much,,,

  • Hello, Bukkystars,

    I understand. I used to have those pressures as a daughter, sister, wife, mother and community worker. I succumbed to depression. There are too many roles to play and many people to please, right?

    It is really hard to juggle everything and losing yourself in the process. I pray you find rest and time to reflect on what you truly want. May you be free from everything that limits you.

    Hug, sister. I see you.

  • bukkystars
    Mar 10
    Mar 10

    Thanks so much. I appreciate this.

  • My pleasure, Sister. Stay strong! Hug.