Speaking my life: Claiming my Space

Speaking my life: Claiming my Space

One of my earliest memories is being told not to laugh so loudly, not to argue. Before l knew what a prostitute was, l knew if you laughed too loudly you were behaving like one. Decent girls did not laugh too loudly and decent girls did not talk back or argue. But how does one repress laughter? How do you shut your mouth when the words are like a fire “shut up in your bones”? I couldn’t.

Growing up l had definite ideas of what l wanted to do. Journalism or law. Coming from a working class family, l had never met a journalist, never mind a lawyer. With hindsight, it seems speaking out chose me! Making my degree choices for university, l was told that l could not put Law as my first and second choice as l might not pass with good enough points to be selected for law school. In any case, l was told, law was hard and most people (read girls) failed. 8 girls from my school qualified for law school that year. All of us completed that degree!

I am sure my experience is not unique. I know a lot of women and girls have had similar experiences. Memories of exclusion. Not speaking up in class because you wanted to be liked by the boys. Playing dumb because you wanted others to like you. Choosing to pursue an acceptable degree that will not scuttle your marriage chances. You see, society punishes you when you do not conform. Girls who study law are told they are not good marriage material because they know their rights and are bound to challenge their husbands and in-laws! In some of our societies, marriage is everything. Politics is another arena where women are not wanted. No “decent” woman should be out in public, speaking out in front of men. In my language it is called “kufumuka”, it is both undignified and indecent. Labeling and name calling are an ordinary occurrence and if that is not sufficiently deterrent, the violence soon follows.

I have often thought of the violence of silence and l have tried not to make that part of my life story. I do not want others to appropriate the space that l could have occupied. I want my world view to be known. I want people to see my world through my eyes. On this journey l have had people who have taught me to have supreme self worth. My mother who never once said anything was impossible and my father, who always said l should never feel inferior to someone else.

World Pulse is a fine tool in my personal mission to take reach out to other women and take them along my journey with me. To accompany them on the journey to full bellied laughter, to finding their own voices in all their loud glory.