My Mom and I laughed tonight as we realized that not much was truly going on right now. Sure there is plenty we could worry about, the future especially. We sat from a place of believing a positive outcome will occur in this situation. The situation being a life without my child or a life with him where we currently live. My only known offer for shelter is in the state of Missouri, a long way from Oregon. At age 10, has a Mom prepared her child for a life feeling protected and secure? As I stood in my Mom's kitchen, I reminded us both that we can return to who were are, to the silence inside where nothing is going on and all is well. We allowed natural responses to threat of lossing protection, safety and security enter and greeted them with understanding and compassion. I can't ask my body to not react but can choose my reaction. I've had 7 years to get myself ready to be emotionally strong for the life without support; I'm grateful that I know my ego is the only suffering, not who I am. I pray that we all may find peace in the most uncertain times.
I woke from a dream state around 11am, the thoughts about my son's well being needing to be faced and understood. I am most certain that I don't want my actions to bring suffering to him. Although we can not see a solution right now, I have faith that our prayers are being answered. My focus is to remain as a presence in the world of the child God gave me to care for. When I can not help me, God always does.
I received an invitation to a transformation show with friends at met at the Chopra retreat, will I show up and engage the moment to be there for the experience unfolding only then to be had. Others that create with the power of co-creation, I can't wait but I will... ha ha ha