Every woman is my security.I say “NO” TO FEMALE ENEMITY!!!!!!

Ngwa Damaris
Posted October 8, 2018 from Cameroon
No one understands the security of a woman better than another woman
No one understands the security of a woman better than another woman
Women helping women
Women helping women: Some of the women who are my source of inspiration and security (1/1)

There is a popular slogan in my community which goes “a woman’s enemy is another woman”. I deduced from this slogan that women are responsible for the insecurity of other women and this greatly affected me psychologically. I was made to know that if I had a problem which needed solution, I should preferably meet a male rather than a female. As a student, if I had the opportunity to choose my teachers, I would rather go in for male teachers, I preferred to consult a male doctor to a female doctor. Once I walked into an office and realized a lady was to serve me, I just felt demoralized because I had in mind I was in contact with my enemy. I will smile when a waiter served me in a snack or restaurant and feel traumatized when a waitress attends to me. I generally preferred to open up about my personal problems to my male counterparts because I felt that if I discussed with my female counterparts, I will be giving them a topic of gossip.

Many other circumstances made me confirm that we (women) make other women feel unsecured. I will take an example of when I started developing breast, I clearly remember a woman in my neighborhood met my mum and told her to iron my breast saying I was too young to develop breast. She went as far as telling us that she was an expert in the process of breast ironing and could help us out as she had ironed the breast of all her daughters. I remember some years back when I lost my dad and a series of women came in a put my mother through torture in the name of helping her carryout widowhood rights. My early work carrier was marked by pain from some female co-workers who made me never to know peace at work just because of the slogan above. I speak about my experiences, however from discussion and investigation from my female counterparts, some feel same insecurity with other women. Also hearing and reading stories from various sources about women abusing the rights of female domestic servants, women inciting with men (either by cheating with them) to instill domestic violence on their spouses. Women look at a sexually harassed or raped woman as “cheap” rather than looking with pity and helping to find justice. It’s sad how some women are fighting for the security of women while others are busy working on the above slogan.

 

As much I have had bad days with my ladies, the most inspiring people who have greatly made an impact in my life are women. Firstly, l learned a lot from my mother. As a woman involved in promoting peace, she instilled peace values in me which can be seen in a story I published on World Pulse. We are inspired by this beautiful gratitude story!Writing in from Cameroon, World Pulse community member Ngwa Damaris Ngum shares her philosophy of peace, love, and unity—and gives thanks to the woman who helped shape her world view.Log on to hear her story and connect.http://bit.ly/I-Am-An-Advocate-for-Peace #LogOnRiseUp #Gratitude #Voice #GivingTuesday. When doing farming with her, she will refuse me from using inorganic fertilizers and taught me how to produce all sorts of ecofriendly manure for farming. She insist on lights being switched off when not in use as they are not beneficial to the climate. She reminds me every day on eating less of animal products and more of vegan products saying it is beneficial to my health. She taught me the negative effects of methane and other deadly gasses which comes from animal farms to the climate. As a women who went through domestic violence, single parenthood and is now a widow, she has feed me with knowledge of how to manage these three circumstances in case I find myself in such situations. As a woman who has experienced menopause, she has taught me how to handle the stress menopause comes with. I think she has given me the assurance and security I will need to handle some of life’s challenges.

Secondly, when I decided to pursue my studies in Economics, a lot of people discouraged me saying it has a lot to do with calculations hence it’s not a female field but I felt I could do it because I had a female Economics teacher back in my secondary days who was so good in teaching the subject and I admired her a lot. She was the lady who gave me the security and inspiration that I needed and now I am a proud holder of a BSc. In Economics with intentions of pursuing a Master’s degree as soon as possible.

Thirdly I remember when I had health issues with my female genital organs, I consulted a doctor and was sent to a male for examination. I was not comfortable with a male examining me, so I went home. The next day I came back for the examination and fortunately for me, a lady was on duty at the laboratory so I hurriedly took of my clothes, and had my examination done with no fear.

The fourth time was a day when I was detained at a police station for not walking around with my national identity card. The police men took me in, put me in a dark room with no chair so I had to sit on the floor. Some hours later, there was exchange of duty at the police post and a  police lady took over from one of the guys. She came in, gave me a chair, questioned me and then followed up the procedure for my release saying” this place is not safe for a woman”. I felt so safe and happy immediately I realized a lady was on duty.

These are just a few instances of women who have had a positive impact on my security in my community. I have a passion for women in power or women in authority. Women like Meaghan Markel, Michelle Obama, Theresia May, Ellen Johnson and a host of women who are a great source of inspiration to me. Reading and hearing about their stories of trials and tribulations to happy endings makes me feel so inspired.

 

From life experiences about my most secured moments, I would say that a woman is not another woman’s enemy. That slogan needs not to exist.  I would say no one understands my insecurities and makes me feel more secured than another woman. Therefore I have decided to work tirelessly for other women and make life a safe haven for them. I will be educating the next generation of women on how to handle all their security issues, support vulnerable women and get involved in the fight for the rights of women.

This post was submitted in response to The Future of Security Is Women .

Comments 39

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Beth Lacey
Oct 08, 2018
Oct 08, 2018

Good luck to you and thank you for sharing.
Beth

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Thanks my dear sister

Alice Borngreat
Oct 08, 2018
Oct 08, 2018

Yes,you are right. We women are so important. The world needs us.

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Exactly!!!!!!

Tamarack Verrall
Oct 08, 2018
Oct 08, 2018

Dear Damaris,

Your story makes my heart sing! That message that women are each others' worst enemies is repeated so often, and I believe that it is repeated to make us stay separate and not trust each other. What I love about this story is the you recognize the ways that women have been hurtful to you and other women in your life, and this I agree does happen, too often and painfully. But then you give so many beautiful stories when the very opposite has happened, and in such loving and important ways. You show just how big a difference women can and are making in each others' lives. And then your final words, your personal commitment to no only work for women, but to work tirelessly. I am so glad to be connected here with you, dear sister.

With love in sisterhood,
Tam

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

THANKS for our kind words of encouragement my dear sister :)

Princesse MUHINDO Malembero
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Bonjour Rosemary, votre histoire est merveilleuse. Bonne chance et Merci d'avoir partager !

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Merci ma cherie :)

Tarke Edith
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Hello Damaris
Thank you sister for accepting the fack that a woman is not another one enemy today and l expercailly thank you for the pictures you have posted on your story head this is to show that we are together your story has really impresed me a lot thanks again sister

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Thanks my dear sister. You guys make me feel so much love :)

jlanghus
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Hi Damaris,

Thanks for sharing your inspiring story and photos... I love the sisterhood photo!

Hope you're having a good/safe day and good luck with your story submission!

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Thanks Jill :)

jlanghus
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

You're welcome, dear!

Adanna
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018

Dear Damaris,

Nice one and thank you for speaking up.

I like what you said at the end, "I will be educating the next generation of women on how to handle all their security issues, support vulnerable women and get involved in the fight for the rights of women."

Love,
Adanna

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018

Thanks my dear

Jacqueline Namutaawe
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018

Yes yes!!! a woman is not another woman’s enemy. That slogan indeed needs not to exist. I would say no one understands my insecurities and makes me feel more secured than another woman. These stood out thanks for the write up and for sharing.

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018

We really need to wipe out that slogan my dear sister

Ngala Nadege
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018

Thanks for sharing .Women need women and the world needs women for better functioning .

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018

Very true!!!

pelamutunzi
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018

Dear Ngwa
your story challenges the ideas that have been planted in our minds by men. for a long time e have fought each other and have not realised we achieve more as partners and friends. your story has made a big impact on me today. thank you for sharing .

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018

The unity among women is just so much needed my dear

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018

Hello, Damaris,

Great reflection! It's true what they say, "Real queens rix each other's crown". Your mother raisee you well!

Thank you for sharing.

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018

You are welcome my dear

Jane Howard
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018

What a wonderful message to be promoting! There is no question that women should support each other rather than tear each other down, we are stronger together. I wish you luck in pursuing your masters degree!

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018

Thanks my dear

Enoch Prince Adjei
Oct 12, 2018
Oct 12, 2018

Thank you for your good works,God will bless you. Women are so important to the works.

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018

Thanks my dear brother. Happy to have a comment from a guy :)

Dawn Arteaga
Oct 15, 2018
Oct 15, 2018

I love that you are flipping that old belief system on its head. Well done! We need to uplift one another, not treat each other as enemies. Way to lead the way!

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018

Yes my dear. That belief has to disappear because it’s not helping us

Jane Frances Mufua
Oct 15, 2018
Oct 15, 2018

Damaris,

Thanks for writing about this. It is an issue I have got argue a lot with men as well as with with. In as much as some women have really made me personally to feel insecure and take a few steps back, many more have inspired me and help me to this far. Your article only further challenges 'us' women to be our sisters keepers.

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018

Yes my dear. I just hate when a woman can’t protect another woman. Thanks for reading. I am happy I inspired you:)

Feka
Oct 19, 2018
Oct 19, 2018

Dear Damaris, thanks for sharing. Just like we are fighting stereotypes and other hindrances, shall we also eradicate that notion of women being our own enemies. Good luck

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018

Exactly!!! We have to encourage women to come together and treat each other right

Rasheedat Olanike
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018

Good luck and thanks for sharing your story

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018

My dear sister, u are very much welcomed

Adaeze Chianumba
Oct 22, 2018
Oct 22, 2018

A woman is not another woman's enemy.
Thanks for sharing your story.

Ngwa Damaris
Oct 22, 2018
Oct 22, 2018

Uwc dear sister:) Thanks for reading

Olubee
Nov 03, 2018
Nov 03, 2018

Hi Damaris,
I really enjoy reading your story, all what you have mentioned is absolutely correct. So many women has lifted me up in times ,i needed help, and some many women has failed to do so and even been a torn in the flesh. It is time women stand up for each other, in the market ,church, school ,offices ,politics and so non, Let help each other to grow. Thank God for this Platform, but there is still much to be done,
lOVE YOU DEAR SIS.

Shofali Agarwal
Nov 20, 2018
Nov 20, 2018

So interesting to follow your mind path and see how your view towards women transformed. I think we can say this about everyone and everything - there is good and bad, but it's up to us to focus on the good and make it better. Thank you for leading the way!