The Purple Shawl

Posted June 6, 2012 from Nepal

My heart was flying high as I was dancing on a garden.There were lots of flowers – beautiful, of course,and I was quite sure that the flowers were smiling and leaves clapping for me.These flowers and leaves were truly special and I was glad to be dancing on such a special place. I felt lucky, so I started dancing there every day – everyday feeling lucky for who I was.

One such day turned out to be the most beautiful – the day when a shawl came dancing in its own pace from the sky. Its step reminded me of the hand movement in belly dance - one side of it went up smooth and then slowly came down while the other hand went up. This elegant move looked more attractive because of its color – purple. I love dancing in that garden and there it was a beautiful shawl dancing over me, matching with my dance steps. What a chemistry of us! It was the first time it saw me and I knew it loved me in the same way I did because it chose me for its landing. It wrapped around me like it is never going to leave me. I didn’t know if it even noticed those flowers and leaves which I thought deserved to be noticed more than me.

I did not know that I needed the warmth of that shawl, of the purple shawl. I thought myself lucky for what I was but with the shawl, I felt more complete. I realized that I needed it in my life without me being aware of it. I took that shawl wherever I go and I started seeing garden everywhere. I started dancing everywhere but I still went to the special garden and dance there with the shawl, the purple shawl. The special flowers and leaves were smiling and clapping for me, as usual. The shawl made me realize again and again that I was really special because it did not landed over those flowers but me. Every step became dance for around three months.

Suddenly, I started to feel the difference in the warmth of the shawl. It was not the same warmth I felt for three months. Why would the shawl suddenly stop to make me feel special? Why on earth would it stop to show me its affection? I was still the same. I asked it why? It did not answer me. It seemed to ignore my question. As time passed by, I got time to think about the three amazing months. I realized all those things, or my life incidents, I shared with it, being completely drowned in its warmth and affection. I shared almost my whole life with it in those days. I felt so comfortable with it that I thought it would accept me for what I was. I thought I should be truthful and thus shared all of my feelings that I was not able to do before. I was completely blinded that I did not consider hiding my weaknesses, which I certainly could. I still went to the garden with the purple shawl, trying to remind it the fun we had together. Then it said, “You are different than me – physically and culturally, and now I should probably do justice to the ones around me.” What on earth was this shawl saying to me! Was it blind the first time it saw me? It was this shawl that came to me; the opposite did not happen. It was this shawl that destroyed my happiness, that interrupted with my silence, and that left the complete me incomplete.

I still dance in that garden, with the purple shawl. Those flowers and leaves still smile and clap for me but I don’t know why I feel they are teasing me.

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