Thursday thoughts Posted by winyanmaka07 on July 29, 2010 at 1:24 PM
Well the last week and a half or so have been a blessed mixture of emotions. We have faced one obstacle after another but understood somehow, these difficulties were given to test and strengthen our dedication to this project.
First, crazy energy attacked camp from somewhere in outer-space (full moon or just the act of trying to blend personalities?)and we had to wait and see if our consultant was going to continue to work with us, or if we were going to need to find another one during the project-slump. We were quite happy when he said he wanted to see this building project through to completion, which was a very good thing to the rest of us.
The tests have presented themselves in a myriad of ways. First, we ran out of funding a couple of weeks ago; and next, the weather has gotten to a place where we can get some real work done, and now we have only one and a half volunteers, (lovely, hard working woman from Holland and her small daughter). In some areas the ground is still a bit muddy and we're still struggling to find the sand and gravel that we need on the reservation because we can't afford to pay the high prices to buy them off the rez'. Add to this mix the fact that recently we have been staving off cabin fever. Furthermore, for the two months we've been here, we have been dealing with a shower that flooded the bathroom and kitchen with every shower. They finally came to fix what we thought were broken pipes, but as it turns out, the drain needed a good cleaning out with an auger. Late afternoon will tell the tale however, as at 5 p.m. the epoxy around the shower floor drain should be dry enough (24 hours) to take a warm shower and wash our hair, etc...and so it goes. All of these things have reached temporary, or final, resolution in one form another, mostly to a level of satisfaction we can live with.
However, the most difficult thing that I have personally been thinking about the last couple of days is how much I miss my children and grandchildren. My youngest grandson turned one without me there, he has learned to stand and brace himself since I've been in South Dakota. My oldest son came home after almost a year's absence, and although I drove to Colorado to greet him, I wasn't able to stay long; my youngest son almost cried when he saw me, he said he missed me so much. I have a daughter and grandchildren living in Chicago, and another neice/daughter and grandabies in California, and if I pause too long to think about how much I miss them and want to see their faces, I could get almost physically ill.
My younger daughter went through surgery to remove a painfully infected gall bladder this Monday just past and was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon. While recuperating at home, her brother called to tell her that their favorite Uncle has just passed away in Mexico. Through her physical pain she could still feel the stab of emotional and Spiritual pain. It is so difficult not being there for them...and all of my precious grandbabies.
Through all of this however, they have been my biggest supporters and always offer encouragement to me. Some of my kids say I'm too old to be running around the country like this; but then another said "It's all that running around and dedication to purpose that keeps her Spirit young". How right she is. Last night, as I lay in the darkness, it crossed my mind that when this five year demonstration project is completed I will be doggone close to 70 years of age. Interesting observation...and terrific motivator to develop this project to the point where it will be as sound in it's construction as the "eco-villages" we are building. While I know that service to humanity, and especially to the Lakota, Grandchildren of my ancestors is my heart work, I also know that my children and grandchildren ARE my heart.
Note: My next blog will be posted after I have processed through the lonliness I feel today. Be well each and everyone of you, stay strong on your wonder-filled life journeys, and Wicosani to each of you and your loved ones.