help! do i need a teddy bear?

I am desperately in need of something warm and cuddly. This is because i would like to be hugged especially during cold nights without the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.I would also like to have company that would not expect breakfast in bed (i am a bit lazy). I also expect to be able to engage in a monologue (where i do all the talking) the morning after as well. This SOS is as urgent as any global terrorist situation because failure to come to my aid will make me grouchy, frustrated and really, really horrible.