Screaming away suffering

This particular night I left the door open, I had just taken my dinner and the pain in my body and spirit was immense. I thought to myself, I might not make it for another day, if the door is open, perhaps somebody will discover my body.
This had been my pain when I was a graduate student in Europe. For more than 12 months, I agonized with disease, doctors tried to find a cause for the pain, today it was anemia, tomorrow liver problem, another day something that needed an operation, only to be told that was wrong diagnosis.
I watched my health deteriorate to a shadow of myself. The heavy and oversized winter coats hid my bonny frail self from the prying eyes of those around me. Studies lost meaning and all I held to was a vestige of hope. My institution suggested that I go back to Kenya and rest but I hoped that I will somehow graduate and crossed fingers as the exams approached while I was confined to the hospital bed hoping the doctor would discharge me in time for exams
This was my lot as I struggled with my thesis on young single mothers and their plight for months. I remembered my mother’s determination to bring up the twelve of us. She mentioned we were fourteen and two died and fifteen since she miscarried. Sometimes she said sixteen, of my small niece born to my young single sister who died at infancy. I should mention that my mother was born to a young single blind mother and she had mentioned too that we traced our descent to a single mother whom people were too ashamed to mention and stopped counting at 10th generation. These women and the ones I was writing about inspired me as I soldered and hoped in God.
With bated breaths, we waited as the professor read the twelve names of students who had been nominated for the prize of the best research paper but I reasoned, ‘it cant be the weak me’. My name was called out as the overall winner, as I picked my certificate and the 500 Euro note, I screamt at the miracle. Nothing could stop me from the deafening scream and the crowd joined me and together we screamed about the miracle, but also for the hope that sustains women.