Engiwe Simfukwe
Posted February 20, 2011 from Zambia


The vacant eyes spoke even before the mouth opened to wag its tongue. They caught my attention. I agonised once again. I could not bring myself to think. I closed my eyes, but I had to think. Make a decision before it was too late.

The vacant eyes were blank, hollow staring not absorbing the surroundings, trapped! Why they asked? Most times they remained downcast unable to focus, vacant shod off self-esteem, listless and without life. The eyes focused on the emptiness of the heart. I could see but a small radius twenty centimetres a half circle.

What was I going to do? I was inconsolable. Not even the gossipers mattered at this time. I could not care less. I had to make the decision alone. There was going to be no second chance. It had to be final, I had to have that abortion. They say murder. Suicide is an option. End it all. Two deaths at once, still murder. Which murder? Murder was murder. A life would end PUFF, irreversible. No going back for reparation. Isn't it only God who had a right to end life? Where was God in the first place? How did a mere mortal find herself embroiled in all this?

Vacant eyes tell your story. You see I am only 17 years old. Curious about sex. It had not really been about love. Just a simp le sexual act and Here I was pregnant. What will I say to my parents? So much love and respect. Now this heart break. I was always top of my class throughout my school years. Even my parents lived in awe of me. What had they really brought into this world they always wondered. From first grade to university only the best student was good enough for me. No second place always the best - number one.

Vacant eyes explain this madness at university. Academics have lost the first place. Peer pressure, love or even hate has now taken over. Someone had to hate to end this illustrious career but no he is also only 18 years old. My parents! So much love and hope. With so much trust and confidence they had launched me into society. Would they understand the dilemma of a pregnant teenager?

Vacant eyes decide now. Abort that child. You will never see it. You will never love it. You will never hold it. It was never meant to be. You will never forget it.

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