My Pain My Purpose,My Shame My Strength

Posted December 1, 2016 from Nigeria

I am a single mother of two who has endured ten years of staying in abusive relationships and marriage,coupled with series of battering,depression and stigmatization at work and in the community. For years I hid my face from public glare and bowed my head in shame , My voice silenced in a society that frowns at single mothers especially those divorced or seperated. My community believes such women are not woman enough to make their marriage work, so I receive beatings in silence ,toiled to meet ends meet to care for family needs , endured sexual infection my husband brought home to me so I can remain married and not be a single mother a second time. I smiled to the world and cried in my closet, I prayed and fasted for a changed husband who made it clear he can sleep with as many women as he wants , he has nothing to lose, a husband who doesn't see any crime in beating me and killing me in the middle of the night when no one can rescue me in a community where he is protected by law. I have no one to turn to and continued in my depressed quest of being married and 'brandishing' my wedding ring to show the world I am 'happily married' for I was afraid of where to start from after 10 years, who to go to for help , 'two children , two husbands' stigma my community ,colleagues and society will shove in my face, single mother / divorced /seperated profile friends,collegues and social media followers would frown at. My 'shame' gave me the strength to come out and help other women like me who are bowing their heads in shame,who stopped dreaming to achieve , to maximized their potential , who society and culture have raised to endure battery and emotional abuse as part of the price they have to pay to remain married/ be in a relationship. Some unfortunately are in mental homes as I speak,Some are in the graves after meeting with untimely death ,Some are so depressed they went back into abusive relationships to hide their shame. For this women I dare to speak , for girls raped ,ravished and covering themselves from the stigma of what people will say or do. For the women in mental homes who slipped into oblivion and their voices may no longer carry a message I have come out to speak. For victims of domestic violence who met their untimely deaths and were silenced in graveyards I have come out to speak. So that those who are still alive and are improvished,depressed, traumatized and abandoned in the society/community will get help , receive support and regain their voices to speak as humans whose voices carry meaning , hope , potential and achievement wherever they have found .That they will their dignity of womanhood returned to them and receive care for their children society has called'fatherless. Thank you Solution for Introducing me to this amazing network to tell my stories without shame or fear.

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Kim Crane
Dec 02, 2016
Dec 02, 2016

In your voice, I hear so much strength and determination. Your story boosts my own strength and determination to work against the violence in this world. Sending love.

Natasha L
Feb 09, 2017
Feb 09, 2017

Your story is written with emotion, heart and soul.  Your writing is very very powerful and I can tell that you will have a deep and wide impact on many women and girls who have experienced brutalities, judgements in society, and suffering.  Nobody should have to be subjected to this kind of abuse.  You have experienced battering, depression and stigmatization in your life and you are now full of strength and determination to empower other women and girls to reclaim their dignity. You will be a hero to these women and girls.  Keep writing and know that we are listening.