My Inner Peace, Our Global Security

I will never be drowned in sorrow and pain anymore. I would not sleepwalk my way through life feeling unappreciated anymore. I would not begrudge the world or live to blame anyone for my failures anymore. You wanna know why? Because I have found the “ peace warrior” in me!

Not that my life is all rosy and peaceful, No! But that I have made the important decision to always and constantly fight for peace, first within me because I have learned that when we are at peace with ourselves, we can be at peace with the world. At 27, my life is way much simpler than the period of my life between the ages of 15 to 25. In what I call, “my decade of horror”, I knew existential depression-a cruel, crushing sensation of the pointlessness of life, of the overdose of man’s injustice to man, of the bleakness and hollowness of human existence. Unknowingly, I had stubbornly mastered the art of being miserable and on many occasions, I questioned the reason for my life. I was insecure with myself, I was insecure with the world. So insecure was I that although an intelligent student, I got bullied, as in BULLIED; the kind of bullying that could tempt you to build an empire of grudges, especially if you are an introvert like I was. And although I had known of World Pulse about six years ago and even referred it to a friend, I dared not come out like this to tell my story. I felt unworthy to tell my story.

“Who was I, negativity junkie to talk about anything positive?” “Who am I insecure person to talk about peace and security?” . Drenched in victim shaming and victim blaming, I sometimes thought the world was against me and thoughts often crossed my mind to punish the world for being so wicked and selfish. I boiled with vengeance against all who had bullied me and lived like a ticking time bomb...and because I held on to these negative experiences, I attracted only more negativity. Until a time came when I set out to do my masters and almost all my classmates bullied, mocked and snubbed me as it had become the norm except one woman who showed me true and genuine friendship. This woman, who had become my best friend stood by me, fought for me and loved me even in times when I could not fight for myself. Although I have had friends all my life, this friend is like no other. She is friendship, personified! Lea is always happy, optimistic, kind, confident and even when horrible challenges hit her or people try to pull her down, she is always grateful for everything. “How does she do it?”, I asked myself. I worked hard to deserve the kind of friendship she offered me. Even as I write, I still cannot express gratitude to the Lord enough for the gift of friendship I receive. But the good news is, my gratitude grew from there and as my grudge list was gradually being transformed into a gratitude list, I saw more people as friends than foes/ enemies. And where there was hate, there arose compassion, where there was darkness,  there shone light, where there was war, now there is a constant quest for peace and security in me.

I found out that one of the reasons Lea is so joyful, secure and peaceful despite the myriad of disappointments she faced was because she has a positive outlook on life. She never sees herself as a victim of anybody and uses every experience (be it negative or positive) to urge her to be a better person. I wanted to learn more. In search of more Leas, I googled positive youths in Cameroon and found out that there were youths, even younger than me who are taking responsibility for the development of their communities. I reached out to one of these groups and together with some of them, we founded Positive Youths Africa (PYA); an organization meant to inspire, empower and engage youths to be the positive change.

I am now happily married, the same me who had been going around telling young girls not to marry because marriage was a necessary evil created by men to deceive and oppress the women (well, that was after a disappointment I experienced, lol”.

I look back at the “old bitter me”, and smile a huge smile of hope and gratitude. An African adage states that “when we have conquered the enemy inside of us, the enemy outside can do us no harm”. So I decided to conquer the enemy from within me. No bully, no snub, nobody was responsible for my issues but me. And I soon realized that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I had to sink to the murkiest areas of negativity within me so that I may find my peace warrior and learn to rise from depression; so I can learn how to inspire people to be positive. Where there was pain, I found purpose!

 I cannot change the past. And even though I see so much suffering, I may not change the world but I know that I can, in this short life, strive to be the positive change I want to see.

Dear reader, I write this story not because I want to flaunt my friendship with Lea (which I think will make her happy) but because I want to urge us all to see the importance of mental health in peace building. You want a more peaceful world, invest more in mental health. I write this for the thousands who have committed suicide out of excruciating pain and inner turmoil; for those, who fraught with despair have become embittered about life and nuisances to the society; for those suffering the scourge of mental illness in silence for fear of stigma. I write this story because I believe that any suicide bomber, violent husband, student bully, trouble maker is  a sufferer of some mental disorder, some insecurity. Every conflict from self violence to domestic violence to civil wars to world wars all started in someone’s mind and can only end in someone’s mind. I write this story for the young people who have been radicalized by violence because they could not handle the shocks of cruel injustices done them during wars. I write this story for the millions of others who seething and surging in simmering anger or depression still feel unworthy to tell their story like I once was.

Despite the crucial role that mental health can play in the peace building or in the overall ennoblement of humanity, it remains side lined by most public agenda. In my country Cameroon, there are less than five government mental health centers for a population of over 24 million people and mental illness remains stigmatized. So what if we showed unconditional love to the depressed and mentally ill? What if we forgave all those who have hurt us instead of perpetuating the vicious cycle of hurt and hate? What if our love was strong enough to conquer our egocentric fears? Imagine a world where everyone has a positive mindset and strives to be at peace with his or herself. Now that’s the global peace and security we are talking about!

That is why in Positive Youths Africa (PYA), we are creating a peaceful world, one positive mind at a time. From inner peace and security to cyber peace and security to world peace and security, we reach out to persons to help them find the “peace warrior” in them. And we know for sure, that when we each keep the hearth of our minds positive and have a firm volition for what is good, we will each bring peace and be happy.