Beyond her body

I remember the first time I went to her school, it was to hold an edu-motivational talk session with the girls about life's choices, chances, changes and emotional intelligence. Bisola caught my attention right from the beginning, but I would rather not force her to open up or be more confident on my own account but encourage her to find her place, voice, the right attitude and the reason for being who she wants to become confidently.

By the end of the second session, a lot of the girls had started warming up and this gave me joy that perhaps teaching and inspiring girls for excellence in every ramification is not a worthless pursuit.

At the third talk session, almost everyone had warmed up amidst laughter, rapt attention, nods and, of course, arguments and then agreed on submission. On that day, Bisola was the last person to ask her question. While waiting for her, I heard whispers and small laughter across the hall as she made her way to the front row and gave a heartfelt conclusion to all the sessions we had had so far. It wasn't really a question, it was an insight to the word “bullying”, and how it relates to self-esteem.

\" Aunty Funmi, I understand all you have said about self-esteem, the changes, chances and the choices we must make as young girls and how it affects our future. I also find it true that so many people especially most young girls lack the healthy self-esteem it takes to lead a successful life. We often judge our excellence or success by our body type, our colour, our status, our shape, our association and our book knowledge. I believe that in understanding self-esteem we have to love who we are and love who others are irrespective of what they look like. Society, the media and a lot of things have affected our mentality towards some issues and we have come to believe that physical attractiveness is of overwhelming importance to girls before they can succeed. Girl's beauty is most times believe should include slim body, the right proportions not minding the fact that every stage of her life has to bring different changes.

Girls are responsible for their own downfall; we judge ourselves by the way we look, how we should look and what other people should look like. It is unfortunate that this mistake plays a lot of roles in our understanding who we can become and how to become. A lot of girls believe that the more attractive you are the most attracted you become to almost all good things of life and, as a result, your beauty fetch you all things. So for every girl that lacks the certain ideal body type, low self-esteem sets in and she may never attain beyond her nose as she sees herself only in how she can become what others believe she must be to become. You also talked about knowledge and how understanding, appreciating ourselves can lead to a healthy self-esteemed young girl who is confident, cultivated, self-assured decision maker, making healthy, practical, and productive lifestyle choices.

I know a lot of girls in this hall believe they have healthy self-esteem because they are beautiful and have the ideal body type according to some ideologies, but they do not understand that when you bully another person and you make them feel bad about themselves you have no self-esteem. I have had to undergo insults, abuses and side talks from most people because of the way I look. When you do not have the \"approved\" body shape, you are looked down upon and so many people believe you have done something grievous to have what you have. Since we were told of this seminar, I knew I was going to say this; please ask the girls, am I different from them because I am well endowed? Ask the teachers why they should continue to ridicule me, because, at age 13, I have a body like a woman? It doesn't mean I sleep around or am less likely to get educated because they believe I am a game for men's attention or because at age 13 I use a size D. I have heard insinuations that maybe I used \"kuloso\" ( ant lion) on my breast. I have been put to shame with their remarks about how versed I am about the act of lovemaking. I have had to suffer innuendos from teachers who believe my parents should put special attention on me as a young girl. I turned introvert, with no friends, but my main aim today is to wipe the smiles off faces of most of the girls here who believe they really understand the concept of self-esteem when they still bully other people about their body, their character without giving much thought to who they are and if bringing others down for amusement sake is healthy for them.

For some few seconds, the hall was silent and the female teachers in attendance shifted in their seats not only because of her boldness but because of her own truth, which is undeniably everybody's truth as well. When I took the mic, I was able to relate not only with her pains but with the truth she had spoken, I remember my years in secondary school, everybody wanted to know why the girl's boobs were not the same proportion as the other girls and the unspoken conclusions about why she has that size was enough pains as she looks into the eyes of the male teachers who are fantasizing about her and the female teachers who look at her scornfully and other girls who believe she must be weird and so talented in other areas aside from her books.

I smile at Bisola and told her how special she is and that I believe she has found her voice of courage and strength. With this boldness she got my attention, the attention of the head of school, teachers and other girls about her perspective into understanding how we are ruled by society and media idea of beauty, how it affects our self-esteem, what is what about leadership, confidence, self-esteem and how bullying can destroy or taint the true perspective of healthy self-esteem. I had a happy time driving back to the office and thinking perhaps am indeed making an impact as I had earlier asked myself if there was any need of holding sessions with girls and sharing more of this absent conversation, parents, teachers, society, religion neglect to inform the girls about. As silly as we may consider these conversations to be, they are very important to the emotional well-being, psychological and social well-being of the female child. The resultant effect of not giving the right information, withholding an information, or considering a necessary topic too sacred to discuss with girls is exhibited in the emotional trauma, psychological as well as irreparable events that dog-tail the life of the girl child.

To keep up these talks and get our girls to have the answers they seek and knowledge to help young ladies feel good about themselves by building their character, calling, self-esteem, and intellect and leadership abilities, we came up with the idea of reminding, teaching, motivating girls even after we have had talk sessions with them; the Pink Ambition monthly newsletter.

It has indeed done so much to girls who have read it this month and provided several questions these girls are asking and wanting to know. With your support, I am sure we can continue to make a huge difference in the lives of girls and in the resultant effect of raising confident girl leaders. We invite you to volunteer your time, sharing your success stories, sharing your vision when we invite you to our sessions in the various schools in Nigeria as we move on to 2016 and beyond, through write ups, thoughts shared with our girls and the seeds of encouragement your story can drop in the hearts of our girls. There are so many Bisola's out there who need a trip into self-discovery that can be provided by your volunteering to teach, mentor and help develop purpose filled, inspired, new and knowledgeable girl child.

The newsletter is distributed free to girls most especially secondary school girls. If your school needs to be part of these free talk sessions and free resources to school girls, then email us at pink.ambition@ymail.com

Remember...Believe...Knowledge...Opportunities (Pink Ambition)

Funmi Akerele