TAKE A BOLD STEP

funmilori
Posted May 14, 2015 from Nigeria
Gender based violence is not acceptable. Stop it!
Take a bold step!!

I take a bold step today to speak up against gender based violence. I take a bold step to inspire women and children around the world. I take a bold step to make a difference and contribute positively to the development of our world.

I remember telling my husband on the night of our wedding, 'please never beat me'. I didn’t know where that came from but I knew I dreaded violence. I grew up in a loving family and never did I see my father abuse my mother. About 4 years into my marriage, I received the first beating of my life from my husband because I picked up his phone and answered his girlfriend's call. I forgave him because I didn’t have a choice but it was really painful because he did it in the presence of our 4 years old son. Although he had excessive anger issues, I coped with it. The heat became hotter in our home when I decided to further my education. My husband refused bluntly that I couldn’t be in school while raising 3 children even though I had registered for a part time program. He would either lock me out of our home or abuse me whenever I returned from school. I have been beaten and battered on different occasions but I endured because I couldn’t speak out. I was ashamed and I blamed myself for his violence. Abusing me in the presence of our children was just too humiliating. On a particular day, he slammed my laptop on my head and it shattered into pieces. On another occasion, he used the bedside stool on me that resulted in a swollen knee. Although I reported the case to the police, I was told after they invited him, that the matter is 'marital dispute' and should be resolved at home. He threatened that I could not return to his house. After much pleading from friends and family, he accepted to treat me and take me in. At this time he had lost his job and things became very hard in the house. I started supporting with the children’s fees and feeding but all I got was that I was the cause of the situation. He began to accuse me of being fetish and that I had taken his possessions to herbalists and the likes. He accused my parents of 'using his destiny'. He was bitter and frustrated and he poured it all on me. He wouldn’t talk with me, sleep with me, give me any support yet he abused me physically, emotionally and psychologically. The only way I could communicate with my husband was by writing letters. Sometimes I would write to him but would not have the guts to give it to him. On several occasions, I had to lock myself up in a room just to avoid being beaten. My children always cried to see me in that situation. Although I wanted to stay for their sake, he insisted that I packed my things away from his house. He had threatened severally that he was going to beat me till I die. It was almost unbelievable that a seemly peaceful marriage would suddenly turn sour. The last time he beat me, was the last. I took a bold step and walked away. I walked away to fulfil my purpose and dream. I just couldn’t bear the pain, humiliation and abuse anymore. My children were seeing me torn apart on a regular basis.

After he sent me out, I stayed with my parents and visited my children in their school. I realised that he had left instruction with the school management not to give me access to our children. I had to find a way out and that was when I knew that there was legal protection for me. I reported my situation to a human rights organisation and they called to speak with him but he wouldn’t bulge. We had to go to court and I was given custody of our two girls while the boy stayed back with him. Although, life seemed to be unfair to me then, I took a bold step to make things happen for me. I started following my dreams. I won a Federal government grant in my country which helped me to start up my business. I was making a lot of impart in my community with women and children. At the moment, I run the foremost children mobile library in Nigeria,motivated by a vision to promote a sustainable reading culture/ habit in children because we know that good reading culture builds up positive reading attitude among children over a period of time which is a basis for growth and development as well as projects one for greatness in life.

I have also been selected as Presidents Obama's Young Africa leader; Mandela Washington Fellow 2015. I can tell that if I had continued to endure the violence, I couldn’t have had the guts to achieve what I have become today. It’s been 3 years now and I have enjoyed more peace than I had been in marriage enduring violence. I am very glad that I took a bold step.

The Path to Participation Initiative from World Pulse and No Ceilings

Comments 16

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coolasas
May 17, 2015
May 17, 2015

Hello Funmilori,

Thank you for this story, the struggles you had is very touching but in the end you were able to rise above it and compose yourself again and pursued what you want and it’s very commendable. You may not get everything now, like having all your kids with you, in time all will be for your family.

Stepping up and pursuing the dream you’ve always had is very empowering – I wish you success in your library and I hope the culture of reading seep in the psyche of all the kids you encounter and read the books in the library.

I wish that many more women get inspired by what you did - by not letting your husband trample with your life and instead come out strong and eventually be happy.

Keep it up.

Regards, Coolasas

Adanna
May 18, 2015
May 18, 2015

Dear Funmilori,

I thank God for your life and the courage for taking that bold step. Sometimes, things happen to us in life to make us stronger. Am glad you are not forming 'the victim mentality', instead you have chosen to do something tangible with your life. 

Congratulations on being selected as President Obama's Young Africa Leader and Mandela Washington Fellow. Do not be discouraged, it is better that you are alive to explain to your children than dead!

x

Adanna

amymorros
May 19, 2015
May 19, 2015

You did take many bold steps and because of your efforts, a better world exists. I am so sorry for all the pain you endured during your marriage. It takes a great deal of strength to start a new life and you were able to do it. I wish you the best in your work encouraging children to read. 

Terry Shiundu
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015

Hi Funmilori,

Your story is amazing and i cannot begin to imagine what you must have gone through. Thank you for sharing and i thank God for the bold step you took. It is that one step that make the difference between life and death for a woman is a violent marriage.

I wish you the very best in your work with children. I'm a certified WISDOM Coach and just recently started my business of coaching kids, and i'm happy to learn a bit more about what you're doing. God bless you.

Blessings,

Terry

Olanike
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015

Dear Funmilori,

Thank you for sharing from the depth of your soul, notwithstanding the painful experience you passed through. I am grateful to God that you pulled through and took a bold step to live life all over again. You sure deserve the best and I celebrate your courage and determination!

Please accept my hearty congratulations on being selected as President Obama's Young Africa Leader and Mandela Washington Fellow. I wish you the very best as you forge ahead and even as i look forward to meeting you some day. God bless and keep you always!

Love,

Olanike

Mauwa Brigitte
May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015

Merci pour le partage de votre histoire qui est si douloureuse que j’imagine. Beaucoup plus de femmes sont inspirés par ce que vous avez prouvé votre en durance  sur la violence conjugale qui était pour vous la non accès des autres étapes de la vie, je vous encourage d’aller de l’avant et bien encadrer l’avenir des enfants par ce que  vous êtes  entrain de semer ; pour récolter au futur d’où joue votre carte.

MADELEINE BWENGE
May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015

Merci beaucoup d'avoir d'avoir enduré une situation très dramatique dans votre vie conjugale. Cependant, vous êtes arrivée à un stade où vous aviez pris une décision salutaire pour la destinée de votre vie.  Je vous encourage par la suite à ne pas baisser les bras, mais à travailler toujours pour venir en aide aux enfants et surtout à ne pas perdre la foi en Dieu.

MADELEINE

funmilori
May 25, 2015
May 25, 2015

Wowww. Thank you Coolasas, Adanna, Amy, Olanike, Terry, Brigitte, Mandeleine and all members of world pulse who have taken out time to read my post. It was a hard decision for me to share this experience but I realised that if I didnt, some women facing my type of challenge may not know that they can come out of it o fulfil their dreams. I feel very happy that I did share it especially because of your encouragement.

I am preparing for my travel to meet with president Obama, world leaders and other Young African Leaders in June. However,  I am passionately imparting on children and women in my community by getting the library to them. 

Luv you all.

coolasas
May 25, 2015
May 25, 2015

Funmilori,

Good luck to you and your meeting. I am sure they will love you and your projects for the children. 

More power! 

Coolasas 

fempower
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015

You have tremendous courage and are an inspiration to women who think they are trapped in abusive marriage.

funmilori
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015

Thank you fempower. Its so beautiful reading from members of worldpulse. I feel very loved. Thank you. Do like my page www.facebook.com/ireadmobile for update of our activities. Cheers

Damilola Fasoranti
Jul 12, 2015
Jul 12, 2015

Dear Funmilori,

For the courage to step out of the 'inhumane chain', to setting out to take your destiny in your own hands, to sharing your heart here, this is truly amazing. I am gripped in mind reading yor post.

Sad to know, several women around the world are facing similar experiences. Not speaking out is a major problem, good toknow, worldpulse is doing very great in this area. The stories here is a huge inspiration to world's major problems.

Thanks for sharing and congrats on being selected as Mandela Washington Fellow.

Heart Cheers,

Fasoranti.

funmilori
Jul 13, 2015
Jul 13, 2015

Thank you  Fasoranti Damilola. I hope my story is not just a story to men. I challenge you to protect women around you and advocate for them. No women deserves voilence. I appreciate your encouragement.

Cheers,

F.I

Makhucher
Jul 14, 2015
Jul 14, 2015

I am touched and encouraged you Funmilori, for having the courage to leave and never look back. All the best in your initiatives and enjoy the Washington Fellowship, from here and onwards you can only go higher!

lindiewYahu
Nov 18, 2015
Nov 18, 2015

Achuty Funmilori,

Shalum (peace unto you) in my original tongue. I so appreciate your story. Although, your physical pain was much more horriable than mine, I can certainly relate to the emotional and shock of this thing we in America call domestic violence. I am researching the web to find ways to tell my story and recieve the help I need. Your story and this website says it all for me. Iam in the process of writing my impact statement. However, everytime I begin write about this awful crime against me, I go into shock all over again and I stop writing. In the clinical terms, this is called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): These Symptoms ... intrudes its self in every area of my life. Some how after finding this website and your story, I made a bold step and posted it to my facebook, G+ pages. I recieved an immediate release of divine peace. It has been two years since the crime against me, done by my ex-father in-law and endorsed by ex-husband. I have truly found it in my heart to forgive them both, however, the community that I lived in at the time "Lakewood, Colorado" shunned me, and still today refused restitution, or reconciliation for this crime against me. To this day, I know its because of this statement, that the arresting officer made to me when I was so afraid he would try it again. He said "I will not take him to jail he is a pillar of the community", I will give him a summons to appear in court". In the State of Colorado its the  law "immediate arrest and off to jail for any type of domestic violence crime". But, not this one; he is held in the highest standards for his actions. When I asked for a lifetime order of protection, they gave me a 120 day stay of the order. When I tried to seek out the resources for thearpy, and a dentist to fix my fractured tooth, the thearpist drop my thearpy right in the middle of my sessions, and nothing but silence for the fractured tooth, to this day. So, through much prayer and research, regarding where I can recieve my help; I found your story and this website. Praise be to All that is Good in this world. :-). My hope is to write and impact statement, that would re-open the case that was closed as I became homeless, penniless, using all my little finance awarded to me through the divorce settlement, as the ex-husband had the financial means to afford a lawyer, had family and friends in the community that we both shared, just compounded my fears, health and circumstance. I had one friend to see me through this whole ordeal and my PSTD would not allow me to trust the actions of a friend. Wow. I am amazed at how much I am able to write. Well, I guess that's it for now. I do hope your world wide connections will help me put my life back on track. I was bascially ran out of my community where I worked so hard in the community High School, and Homeless Elderly, families and single mothers who had no where turned. They all would be shock to know what ever have become of me. If it were not for my own my mom suffering with a bad kidney, I probably would not have survived this ordeal, I felt I had to think of honoring my only living parent. Ok, I will continue to review the sites resources and keep you posted with my impact statement. This fractured tooth has cause so much suffering to my well-being and physical health its amazing that I still have all my teeth left. I hope, now at least to be able to complete the written impact statement and get into the right hands that will lend me an ear. Thank you Sincerely, hopeful. You inspire me...One Love Linda Taylor

funmilori
Nov 18, 2015
Nov 18, 2015

Dear LindiewYahu, I am happy that you made a bold step to share your story. Up till now, I still feel sorry that I shared my story but when I hear from women like you, then I know that it was a best decision I made to share. In my community, women are not expected to leave their matrimonial homes on ANY condition even if they are dying. Many women face violence every day and some even loose their lives or live miserably. No women deserves this ill-treatment. I am beginning to think of helping women who face violence to get accommodation because that is their number 1 fear; 'where do I go? I trust God that He will completely heal you and make you shine. You are inspire me!