I am not what I have done. I am what I have overcome!

Posted May 2, 2013 from United States

Hi everyone.

I don't really know where to start so I'll just start=)

I'm a survivor of Domestic Violence, grew up seeing my mother being abused by her second husband and I promised myself NEVER to put up with anything like that, with someone treating me bad. At 15 years old I went in to a relationship myself where he started to abuse me after being together for only 2 months and I stayed in it for almost 15 years. It was bad! I thought he was the devil himself and my confidence went down to 0 in no time. It was verbal, physically, sexually and mental abuse, but I didn't know what to do. Something happened the summer of 1999 that forced me to open my pretty blue eyes and I realized I would never make it alive for much longer, so I decided to leave him. He would never let me leave alive so I would have to escape. I knew I couldn't stay in my country (Sweden) so I did what I had to do, left everything behind to save my life!

October 2011 I published my autobiography "Damned if I Do, Dead if I Don't" opened up completely telling my story. I wrote this autobiography for a few different reasons and with hope that my story will inspire those who have escaped, to empower those who are still suffering and to help prevent this from happening to anyone else. DV kills more women than breast cancer in the US every year, 1 in 5 teenager are in abusive relationships, 80% stays in it (which many ends up in the 'murder statistics'), but only 30% talks about it. Also with hopes for others who's not in abusive relationships to recognize signs of someone close to you; your daughter, family member, co worker or other women around you, might be in a 'controlling'/abusive situation. The book will explain maybe not completely but at least some, what it is that make victims of violence to stay. Telling my story has also been a part of the healing process giving me one more method to put my old life, my past and my former self behind me. The respond I've got from people who have read the book is incredable positive and confirm that I made a great choice to share my story. Reviews says "A MUST read for every woman", "A must in every high schools" and "Nearly as startlig as a Stieg Larsson novel" etc. People have opened up and shared their (or people they know) stories with me. One of the most important things to do when you're in a abusive situation/relationship is to start to talk about it, but only a small procentage do it. When they read my story, they may open up to me or to someone else and that is always a begining.

Please feel free to read more on my website & facebook page www.habonde.com www.facebook.com/pages/Damned-if-I-Do-Dead-if-I-Dont/

The book is available at Authorhouse, Amazon.com, B&N.com or in any book store ISBN (sc) 978-1-4670-3730-3 ISBN (hc) 978-1-4670-3729-7 or you can order in on my website. If any questions, comments or anything, please feel free to contact me at any time at info@habonde.com

Comments 3

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  • Susan K.A.
    May 02, 2013
    May 02, 2013

    Dear Habonde,

    I'm so glad that you've joined World Pulse. Welcome to this incredible community of women from more than 190 countries! Your contribution is invaluable--thank you so much for sharing your life story. If even only one person was inspired to leave an abusive relationship after reading your words, that would be wonderful. But think how many more have the potential to be reached the world over, thanks to you joining World Pulse. Your autobiography looks very interesting and will surely help many people feel less alone in the suffering that they endure. What a gift you have provided by sharing your story.

    I encourage you to read the "Getting Started" guide about networking in our community: http://www.worldpulse.com/pulsewire/about/guide It will help you learn to navigate the website better and show you how to find people with similar concerns, passions and goals.

    Also there are a couple of things to know about that are going on right now:

    1- Participate in our current Digital Action Campaign on the theme "Girls Transform the World". http://worldpulse.com/campaigns/girlstransform/girls-transform-the-world

    2- Write on the topic of Maternal Health for the chance to be published in our e-magazine.

    I wish you well and look forward to hearing more from you. Again, welcome and enjoy exploring World Pulse!



  • Noreen Donohue
    May 02, 2013
    May 02, 2013

    when I first read the story of Meena, I was horified, and naively disbelieved such things could happen in this day and age. I thought, 'What can I do. I'm only one person, and disabled at that. For all the good this one lady did in her far-too-short life, the least I can do is spread awareness of herlife and wwwworks in my small world. I wrote a poem, inspired by Meena:

    You are my Soul

    Don’t you hear my scream? Don’t you see my tears? Do you feel the devestation These beasts have perpetrated on me? They have ravaged my innermost sacred place. I feel empty and hollow. I know what they want me to do Remove the shame I have placed on my family By removing myself - by my own hand.

    But my screams have turned to anger My tears to bright red glare i feel a rage surging from my loins I WILL NOT DO WHAT THEY WANT They will try to silence me They may even try to kill me But they can’t Because you, my sister, have heard my scream and seen my tears You are my soul.

    Mukhtar Ma (Meena), a Pakistani woman from an impoverished villiage was gang raped by another clan, an honor punishment to repay the alleged accusations of her 12 year old brother’s inappropriate behavior. Instead of killing herself, as custom dictates, she fought back, brought her accusers to trial and went on to open a school for girls. This poem is for her.

  • Lia Ocampo
    May 02, 2013
    May 02, 2013

    Hi, Habonde

    Congratulations for coming out and for overcoming your challenges in life. You have done a big favor for yourself.

    Congrats on your book too.

    Best, Lia