Opportunities

In many ways, I am extremely grateful for all the opportunities I have had. Parents who supported my education from a good school, my mother's insistence as I was growing up that I should never be like her ( a homemaker) and I need to be financially independent. However, it does sadden when at some point society and it's pressures have caught up with my parents. I feel pressurized by my parents (and society) to have kids. Frankly, I don't feel ready for it.

Will I be a good mother? Maybe. However, I don't feel that longing when I see other people's babies, that inherent urge for motherhood that women are supposed to have. Of course, I wonder if I wait for that to happen, will my body cooperate when I really want to have kids? Probably not. I have talked about the option of adoption later with my husband and it is something we are both interested in. But I do wonder if I will have the energy to run behind a toddler in my late thirties, or early forties. Would it be fair for the child to have an older parent who is busy at work and tired all the time (as compared to younger parents?).

I will turn thirty two next week, and this is something constantly on my mind. Am I allowing society to dictate how I should lead my life? Well meaning family friends and family insist my husband and I should have our own kids in the near future. My mother, somewhat often says "why couldn't I have just had a normal daughter?" who would get married and have kids?

I wonder that myself sometimes. But I know I will never be happy leading a "normal" life. I want to make my mark on this world in someway, preferably by giving women the same opportunities I have had. I just don't know yet exactly how I want to implement it.