my present

Posted March 9, 2010 from Netherlands

Hello beautiful sisters,

I am glad to be here with you, though I do not exactly know with what I can contribute, since my life is in no way (at least at the moment) extraordinary. It is a joy to read you all and I find it moving to see how many great voices are gathered here.

I am Romanian of origin, and I live in Holland at the moment with my almost 10 month beautiful son. A single mother, I became so when I was in my 7 month of pregnancy, after making a lot of compromises just to be able to stay in the relationship with the father of my son. I knew better and still I went ahead with begging him not to break up with me (us). It's a year now and I am still mending my wounds, because I believed that my son deserves two parents and I saw another man in my ex-partner than he was.. In how many ways we project our light on others and believe they give great light, too, it does not cease to amaze me..

Before we broke up I even moved next to him so we could do this together (this made me to be so exausted that I was sick in bed, that's when my partner decided it was time to leave me). So at the moment we live next to each other and I am bound to see him quite often, he is even attempting to control me, but he does not seem to want or be able to participate in raising our son, besides by complaining and being negative about my mothering skills..

I am a great mother. I know it, from the depth of my heart soul. I have always longed to have children and I am deeply inlove with my son. I have read a lot of books on psychology, especially psychology of the child, even before I even knew I will have the chance to be a mother.. I also studied quite extensivelly what a child is from a higher, more spritual perspective, besides what I can also feel and know. I am informed and inlove. I give to my son everything he needs and I intend to do so all my life, so that he becomes a free, healthy (emotional, physical and otherwise), happy (as I am) MAN. I am at times a bit concerned that I do not know how to raise a good man since my relationships with men were always so weird, and I would not want to project on him any of my insecurities or less than happy memories of my own life.. At the moment I am also quite down because I am physically very alone, my family being very far and my friends scattered through the world, as I followed my own path..

I am beginning to start a home based business and I find it quite tough, since it is quite an "alternative" something and I find myself struggeling with the "common sense" and "down to earth" people that attempt to put me down. It is also quite a challenge to be able to do anything when my son is awake (he is sleeping now:-) ), as he just started walking (cruising I believe they call it at this stage) and he falls a lot (what pains my heart, but how else do we learn?).. and he wants me to participate 100% in what he is doing.. I also know that it is important that he knows that I am always there, and in time he will learn that I am there also when I am not looking, or even present..

So, at this moment I am: busy with my wondefully growing son and a bit confused about what to do first to be able to establish a home business that will alow us a financially stable life. I am also still mourning my relationship although in the mean time I realised how weak this man is and that he was not a good partner, even if he stayed. I do not have time for anything else than my son and I do not want to place him in child care as I know how important it is for him to be with his mother as much as possible until a certain age.. When he is sleeping I am working to make my website and thinking about possibilities.. I know form my own childhood what it is to be poor and hungry, I wish I can give him a better life than I had.

I also want to contribute in a bigger sense to raise the awareness to what a woman is, even in the so called small moments of her life. My home business will serve women of all ages and sorts and especially single mothers, who need so much support, as I also feel at this moment in my life. I am a powerful woman and I could always survive the most painful moments. In the same time I feel it is time we are together, us powerful women, to move the world to a better place, where the pain does not have to occur to get our strenght together. Where we just BE, together with Mother Earth.

love and light to you all

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