For the Love of Women and The Children, Men, Please Dress Decently!

As I was reading Sophie's brilliant post, Until All Women Are Free, I couldn't help but think of all the men in the US who subject our women and children to "indecent" exposure. Why is this never mentioned or addressed? Here are the problems I see and my solutions:

Problem: Men often forget their belts and, therefore, expose their butt cracks to women and children. This is not only indecent exposure, but also can cause immediate retching and vomiting among those who are witness to this indecency, which is a public health concern.

Solution: Men are required to wear belts with pants. Men who are caught without belts will be required to wear a state-issued muumuu until they present proof of belt-ownership and pay a $200 fine.

Problem: Many men are delusional and believe that they have abs, chests, and arms like Arnold Schwarzenegger. As a result, they go out in public shirtless. This is not only indecent exposure, but also can cause immediate retching and vomiting among those who are witness to this indecency, which is a public health concern.

Solution: It is illegal for men to go shirtless. Any man who goes shirtless will be required to wear a state-issued muumuu for 30 days and pay a $200 fine.

Problem: Many men deny that they have gained weight and insist on wearing pants that no longer fit. As a result, they can't get their pants up over their butts and bellies. This is not only indecent exposure, but also can cause immediate retching and vomiting among those who are witness to this indecency, which is a public health concern.

Solution: Men are required to go to the newly established "Office of Measurements" twice a year to have their butts, waists, and chests measured. They will then be issued a clothes purchasing card that indicates their measurements/sizes. This ID will be required before purchasing any new clothes.

Additionally, men are given six months to upgrade their wardrobes to the appropriate clothing sizes. Men who fall below the poverty line may apply for a clothing stipend. Any man who does not comply will be required to wear a state-issued muumuu for 180 days or pay a $1200 fine.

If my solutions seem absurd, then I have accomplished my goal, which is to highlight the absurdity of the laws and mandates that women are subjected to daily across the world. Lubna Hussein was not only fully clothed, but also wearing multi-layers of clothing. Only a society determined to continue a tradition of oppression would say differently.

It will not be easy, but I know that if we continue to raise awareness about all forms of oppression and find ways to open dialogue with our allies, we can gain more and more freedom for women to express ourselves... through words, through writing, and, of course, through our attire.