MOVE ON!

Juliet Acom
Posted February 7, 2019 from Uganda

My Name is Achieng Violet, I come from a fishing village in Busia, on the shores of lake Victoria which is shared by by the 3 East African countries of Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania.

I am Kenyan and ex my husband is Ugandan. We got married a year from the time we met so I did not really know my husband that much but I loved him and that was enough for me to say yes when he proposed. I was 23, he was 30! 

I was unprepared for our cultural differences but very determined and committed to make the relationship work.....and as such I was caught unaware  when he hit me "for offending" his mother who lived 3km from our marital home.

My crime: she came home unannounced on the day i was away delivering job applications (I had resigned from my  job to move in with my husband after our wedding).

My mother in law came home and did not find anyone to welcome her that day. The house was locked, I had left home to deliver a job application in town.

She called him and he immediately rushed home to see the empty housr for himself. I came back 2hours later to find she had gone after lecturing him  about "Kenyan women behaviours". She told him "I was growing wings, that a "real wife" seeks permission from her husband before leaving home, that why do I need a job - my purpose is to have children and my husband would find ways to provide. (All this I was told amidst slaps to my cheeks and head from my dear husband).

When he eventually got exhausted I remained seated on the floor for 40minutes, mostly out of shock than the pain ringing in my ears from the slaps! To imagine that this was the same man who had showered me with kisses and sweet nothings before he left for work 5hours ago?! To imagine that we had agreed that I needed to pursue my career and as such was job hunting and moving about all day-I had purposed to find a job to contribute to our welfare!

To imagine that my mother in law had control over the happenings in her 30year old's house in 2016?!  (After all She has her own home to run, why is she minding her sons home and relationship ?!)

I respected her and had hoped to find a new mother in her having lost my own at 12 years! I was shattered! I could not function! 

Like they say every cloud has a silver lining; I was greatful that we had no children yet, I was on the fàmily planning injecta method having made a decision to have babies two years from our marriage date. 

That night I could not sleep, my husband ignored me, going out with his friends after slapping me and coming back at 1.00am, creeping into his side of the bed. 

He tried to hold me and to tell me that he was sorry but a light had gone out of our relationship - I had gone cold and numb. I was unresponsive till he slept off.

The following day I moved out of our marital home while he was away at work. He tried to find me and apologised in many ways but I knew in my heart that he had been raised differently......I was brought up to show love in all situations.....it is possible to rebuke with love, to admonish with love, to correct with love.....to beat a weaker person is not love. To succumb to anger is far from love! I stood firm in my decision and never turned back, I was open to my family about what happened and they stood by me till my husband stopped asking me back to his home. 2months after our first marriage anniversary we were divorced. I forgave my husband but I chose to not go back to that marriage because I believe that our visions differ since we hurried into it. I do not understand certain cultural marriage norms so I believe he will one time find a suitable wife who will submit to his mother's wishes - I forgive her as well; she means well for her son.

In the meantime I will concentrate on empowering women faced with domestic violence to stand up for their rights.

Life is precious, choose to walk away from any form of violence. Take time to learn your partner before you settle down!!!

 

This post was submitted in response to A World Free of Violence.

Comments 21

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deborah_3
Feb 08
Feb 08

Ah!, I think you made a right decision. be strong .

Juliet Acom
Feb 11
Feb 11

She did, truly phenomenal woman!

jlanghus
Feb 08
Feb 08

Hi Juliet,

Wow! Now, this is more like it! Love that you shared Violet's story with us. These are the stories I want to hear. Only when women stand up for their rights, parenting, and social norms change, will change finally occur. When women keep putting up with abuse, it will only perpetuate. Thanks so much for sharing this inspiring story.

Hope you're doing well, and having a great day!? Good luck with your story submission, too, dear!

Juliet Acom
Feb 11
Feb 11

Hi Jill, always a pleasure to hear from you.
After joining world pulse I realised that my new calling is to share stories of (unknown true) heroines with the world.
Lately when I meet extraordinary women during my village travels, I make sure to ask their permission to share the story and wisdom on world pulse.

A blessed week ahead

jlanghus
Feb 11
Feb 11

Hi Juliet,

Thank you:-) What a great idea and calling. Cool. Looking forward to seeing more inspired stories, then:-)

You, too, dear:-)

Juliet Acom
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks for the feedback dear.
It's true the power to overcome inhumane situations is right within our reach. We have to use our God given wisdom to correct wrong for future generations to be better

ARREY - ECHI
Feb 08
Feb 08

This is a beautiful story. She took action and didn't wait for the second slap. It is also endearing that her family a stood by her to say No to Violence.
Thank you for sharing. Wishing Violet the best as she move on.
All the best to you, Juliet for the submission.

Juliet Acom
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks Arrey-EChi for the kind words.
Families should be united to fight for the rights of their girl children especially - you are very right about this.

Wendy Stebbins
Feb 09
Feb 09

WOW! You are an amazing person. I am struck by the reality that you KNEW so soon what was right for you to do, not only to protect yourself, but to HONOR yourself. Yes, you will be an excellent role model and mentor to all women, partly because of what you went through but more importantly for the authentic soul you are. Good luck.

Juliet Acom
Feb 11
Feb 11

Hi Wendy,
Your feedback means alot, thanks for sharing your thoughts and encouraging sisters to stand for their wellbeing

Tarke Edith
Feb 09
Feb 09

Hi Juliet
Thanks for sharing with us the experience you have with your husband.

Juliet Acom
Feb 11
Feb 11

Hi Edith,
Thanks for taking the time to read Achieng's story. She encouraged me to share it on this platform.
Warm regards
:)

Tamarack Verrall
Feb 10
Feb 10

Hi Juliet,
Thank you for sharing Achieng Violet's story. I held my breath hoping she would find the strength to leave and see the way out. For so many, it takes years. There are so many roadblocks, so many crushed dreams to face, so much physical and psychological pain to overcome. I am so glad she held the belief in herself, the belief that we never, ever are meant to be captive, unfree or punished for not doing what another expects of us. This story is an inspiration, and such a strong reminder that as women we have the basic human right to freedom.
In sisterhood,
Tam

Juliet Acom
Feb 11
Feb 11

Hi Tam,
I am glad to hear from you, thanks for your encouraging feedback.
It's true there are many women out there with no hope and crushed dreams because they did not take a concrete decision to leave a bad situation.
I hope this story inspires someone to take a firm stand.

Best Wishes

J Brenda Lanyero
Feb 10
Feb 10

Hi Julie,
Thank you for sharing Violet's story. We need more of such women(the ones society call disrespectful or big headed). Glad she chose not to be a punching bag for the sake of love. so this is what we call, 'SELF FIRST FOR OTHERS'.

Juliet Acom
Feb 11
Feb 11

Hi Brenda,
Thanks for the fèedback.....I totally stand with Achieng and all "big headed" women as culture labels them.
Kind regards

Juliet Acom
Feb 11
Feb 11

Hi Brenda,
Thanks for the fèedback.....I totally stand with Achieng and all "big headed" women as culture labels them.
Kind regards

J Brenda Lanyero
Feb 12
Feb 12

Hahaha. All who have grown wings and tails. Oh women! Too much for us but we shall get there where we want to be.

Hello, Juliet,

Thank you for sharing Violet's bravery. Please hug her for me.

Juliet Acom
Feb 15
Feb 15

Hi Karen,
Thanks for this feedback.
I shall surely present the hug.
God bless you

Dawn Arteaga
yesterday
yesterday

YES! That is true love - powerful, fierce love! So beautifully written. You are so strong Violet! Juliet, thank you for sharing this experience and inspiring others to express strong, fierce love.