Two Sides of Me

Sometimes I forget who I am for there are two sides of me.
I am brilliant but unwise.
Kind but cruel.
Passionate but jaded.
Courageous but cowardly.

Sometimes I forget that I dream but then my dreams awaken me and I can no longer sleep.
I am less than I ever was but more than I ever could be.

I do not know who I am but I know who I am not.
I am not brilliant but nor am I foolish.
I am not kind but neither cruel.
I care not but care deeply.
I am unafraid but neither brave.

All times I look for answers even when I know there I none.
I look where I think the answers are hidden but I don’t find them.
I look in all the wrong places but I don’t find them.
Then I stop looking and sometimes the answers find me.

Sometimes I see them.
Most times I don’t see them until …
I often ignore them for they were not the answers I was seeking.

Then I change the question.

I don’t know who I am but I know exactly who I am.
No one else knows me except for those that know me too well.

I live in my head and in my head I am not all things but the world sees me differently.
The world sees me but I see the me I think I should be even when it’s not a me I can become.
My head is a nice place to live. I wish I could stay there but I can’t invite you all in so I come back to the world.

I am brilliant but I could be wiser so I will work on becoming wise.
I am kind but could be kinder so I practice kindness hoping to one day perfect it.
I am passionate about a few things but I can feign interest in many others and perhaps one day I will see the value in those things that don’t spark my interest.
I am courageous but sometimes ‘tis better to retreat and regroup so I will not discount the value of fear.

I am wiser already.