Self-care: because WE matter the most

Every time that we, as women, take care of ourselves, physically or mentally, we are often accused of being selfish and self-centered, because it seems that because we are women, we must be these tireless caregivers and always put someone before us, for example, if we have a husband it has to be him and if we have kids it has to be them. I believe that caring for ourselves is not a matter of gender, it’s a matter of common sense, love and responsibility.

In most societies, we are seen as the sole caregivers and the truth is that, biologically, it’s true, we are programmed to “take care” of things and of people, but how much is too much?

We’ve all heard stories about women going above and beyond to take care of other people, mostly their families, but we rarely hear a story about a woman going above and beyond to take care of herself, to put herself self-first, to make herself safe, even in a situation where her sur needs to put herself first.

I think that the saddest proof of this need of ours to fulfill our “destiny” as caregivers is when we ask a woman who’s in a violent relationship: why don’t you leave? The responses that I often read is: “I did it for my children” “It’s not his fault”, “I deserved it”, “I made him angry” “Despite of everything, I love him” “I want to leave but what’s going to happen to my children? I don’t have any way to support them”, in most of these responses, the women believe they’re protecting their children or, sometimes conscious and sometimes unconsciously, they even protect the partner that hurts them; the truth is that we can’t protect anyone unless we are safe, we can’t help anyone unless we are OK, it’s like when we’re on a plain and they tell us that in case of loss of pressure in the cabin we must put our oxygen mask first before assisting anyone.

My dream, since I can remember, has been to help people, in any way that I can, most recently I decided that I was going to be fight for those women who can’t fight for themselves, to speak up for those women who haven’t found their voice yet and also helping them to find it, to help them know their worth and to make sure that they never forget it, nevertheless I am aware of the fact that I can’t help anyone unless I am whole, unless I take care of myself, but even though I am aware of this, I’ve had that struggle of feeling bad about myself because I do, I’ve felt selfish for doing things that make me feel good while thousands of women are getting killed all over the world.

We and only we, have the power to change the pace and take care of ourselves, and we need to stop feeling guilty because we dared to put ourselves first, because we dared to put our wellbeing at the top of our priorities. So please, if you’re reading this, memorize:

I am valuable, because I exist.

I am worthy, because I exist.

My needs come first.

My feelings matter the most.

WE MATTER THE MOST.