Balance

It is hard to write. The days fly by. But I have so much I want to say. Someone told me yesterday that there is absolutely no reason I can't sit and write at least 15 minutes every other day. I will attempt to begin this now.

My thought of they day...

Has life actually become harder for modern women than women of my grandmother's era?

I'm 29 years old. I went to college for 7 years. I have an excellent education and many talents but have not seen this translate into a real paycheck. Instead, I divide my time between 4 or so non-paying passions: my husband's amazing restaurant, my photography and media projects, our community's efforts to teach children about delicious farm-fresh food, and a couple projects incredibly dear to my heart - helping women in Uganda and Somalia.

Unfortunately, in today's economy, there is a lot of pressure on women like me to find a good job. Like many others my age, I'm struggling to pay back a load of university loans. It's stopping me from what use to be the normal progression - get married (well, that one's done), buy a house, and have kids. I'm not unhappy about where I am in life. However, there are moments when I think of my grandmothers. Both were married in their young twenties. They worked part-time jobs but most of their energy was spent raising their families. Sure, they worked very hard and at times, they struggled greatly. But, they did have a certain peace of mind. They were firmly planted in their roles of mother and care-taker. They knew what was expected of them and excelled at it - wonderful gardeners, cooks, seamstresses, hosts. Is there not a certain freedom in not questioning your identity, being able to root yourself in a community, and feeling like things are becoming ever more stable?

Even to a self-proclaimed feminist, its very appealing. But then, something will remind me that I just happen to be born with wings that have me wanting to soar here and there and everywhere. I want to push myself to the max - give every ounce of myself to the causes I care about. But, it's no longer just me. I have joined myself to a wonderful man and want to experience the joys of a family and to see the success of our hard work.

Days like today, I just have to take a walk to the lake, let the fresh breeze blow on my face, breathe deeply, and let it all go. I have to remind myself that everything will come in time and to try and find a balance. Usually, I have a pretty easy time surrendering fears and having faith that all will work out just as its meant to be. Lately, I just feel like I'm caught on a snag. But on what? I suppose only time will tell.

Goodnight