I am invisable but this does not make me weak



Who needs an invisability cloak like Harry Potter when you are a woman. For years I was the daughter who didn't need as good an education as my brother - he went to a private school while I went to the local village school and later the huge secondary school, my parents didn't comment on my successes (or failures) and said nothing when I left as soon as I could. Now I have a Masters degree while my brother has no qualifications since school.
When I married I became my husbands wife, I supported him making sure there was food to eat, clean clothes to wear, researched information for him and worked to bring in money. I was happy to do this and know he appreciated what I did, I never wanted to be in the limelight but chose to be the power behind his rising star.
I raised our children to become the wonderful independent poeple they are. Gave them experiences and love that money cannot buy, fought battles to let them be the best they can be (and they are amazing!). Now they are spread around the world living their lives in ways that make a difference for everyone around them and only find time for emails and Skype once in a while I am proud of the people they have become and my part in that. I feel their love every day.
Just when I thought my career might take off instead I returned to care for my parents, long years of watching them fade and die while I kept the rest of my family going and tried to spare them the pain I felt.
At last I thought my time had come! We had so many plans for our twilight years after a lifetime of saying 'next year there will be time for us', of putting family, work and responsibilites back home first we had hopes and longed to spend time together. We would travel the world, build our home, laugh and enjoy our time together.
Instead I spent time watching my husband battle against cancer and lose. We refused to admit that defeat was a possibility and so I was left alone to sort out everything including taking him home. But I was invisable to the mourners who came to see him buried, had no part in a future there anymore now I was a widow and so I left him amongst his people and tried to find something to cling to.
At work I champion the underdog and challenge inequality the work I do changes lives but rarely am I noticed. My name is not in the list of thank you's nor do I recieve the bouquets or prizes.
Now I am alone and more invisable than ever - people do not know what to say to someone bereaved. Never asked to dinner or parties, I dance alone and do not wait for the phone to ring. I am very good at wearing a disguise, no-one would ever guess the pain I feel but one day I want to take off this cloak of invisability and show the world that I am the person that allowed so many people to be who they are and I am not weak or powerless - I chose to be invisable so that I could see the people I love achieve their dreams.

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