THE FEAR AFTER BEEN GANGED RAPE

Working as a behavioral and change officer for MasterPeace Sierra Leone, I have witnessed a lot of conflict but one that is predominant is students politics and fraternity camps in schools and tertiary institutions.

Schooling at my university was scary looking at the political infiltration of ideologies on us as students, therefore, I raised a campaign on the need for students clubs and social gathering be strictly monitored due to the dangers these fraternity camps were imposing on the lives of students. My campaign was successful. I had a geniu motive of seeing our school in a peaceful learning environment but that my action led me to an unbearing situation I will forever live to remember.

On a rainy Wednesday night in my room in 2013, its sounded like a dream when i heard a huge bang on my door, before noticing it a gang of young men entered all dressed as if they were about to kill a lion. Their faces were all masked that I could not even recognized them, but as I write I can remember their voices as they chant amongst themselves on the next step of action. Supposedly, the leader among the team asked for my name which I scarily reply as Agatha Ada Levi, he asked what university I am in and what course am offering, I reply as requested. Looking at them from my blanket which I used to hide my face and the face of my 3 years old son who was fast asleep I saw confirmation on their faces that I am the right target for that night. I was surprise to know that they knew I had a son as they ordered for my son, I beg them to live my son out of this as he was fast asleep but that hurts them most as they hurrily removed him from under the blanket and one of them pointed a sharp little kitchen knife on his neck requesting I do all they say or they will kill my son.

At some point I put up a resistance to that request hoping it will change their mind that made them slapped my son on his face. My son's tender sound as he cries touched my soul and I asked them what they want from me. They replied we are here to send you back to where you come from, you can't come to our land, get good grades at our university and want to stop our activities as clans of this land, therefore you will face the wrath of our anger. Still looking from under my blanket, making sure that my son is protection, my heart wept seeing one of them pulling down their trouser and another holding on to a smart phone I then knew something terrible was about to happen.

He ordered me with force to open my leg, tear my underwear and started have sex with me while the others were taking photographs of me. I cried and pleaded for him to spare me and do it slowly because I was also experiencing my menses. The more I pleaded the more he goes more harder. I wept till he finished, he get up, lift his trouser and turn to one of them saying \"Me broda go enjoy u sef, nor wonder he get mouth na so he sweet\" (My Brother come and enjoy yourself. I see the reason she is the activist type coz she is always sweet in bed). Yes!!!! they all had sex with me, one even requested to sex me on my anus but the others reply u can't enjoy more than us so he stoped. Everything happened right at my son's eyes can't even imagine how shameful it was for me for my son to see my nakedness.

They pushed my son towards me as they leave promising me to see naked pictures of me and pictures while they were having sex with me all over the campus the following morning so that will force me to go and leave them in peace to continue what they have been doing Big Boys

Oh Yes!!!!! he asked, Mama are u ok? I painfully held my tears and say with confidence to drive away his fears, Yes Jay am ok, let call for help.

Raining as it was, I knocked on my auntie's door for help. She can't withstand my story, she shouted and cry for help from the neighborhood. Many people came to our refuge that night but unfortunately for me in the morning it was a story of the town. People started tagging me with names as I passed by their houses going to the police station for medical report to see the doctor.

Even before getting to the doctor, sited at the waiting bench he known my story and called \"that girl that was gang rape last night let her come in\" Wow!!!!!!! I now carried a new identity. Luckily for me after several medical screening, I sustained serious bruises on my virginal and body...

Now I started packing my things to leave their community as ordered by the rapist because couldn't bear seeing naked pictures of me all around the campus. People started consoling me without knowing exactly what boiling inside me. I had a feeling of committing suicide but I thought about my son. I had a feeling of using black magic to kill them all but I remembered thou shall not kill, I had hope that one day the police will be able to investigate and find them but that never came to reality. I thought about my education, even if I live, where would I start from. Things started falling apart..yes I cried and cried myself out just imagining me going back to campus seeing my naked pictures around. Alone in my room, I had a dream. A dream to fight my case out, a dream to reject been raped in my mind, a dream to continue my education because that is the weapon I shall use to fight against those rapist. Yes I accepted my fate in that dream.

Going to campus the following Monday happened like a movie, at some point in my head, I saw naked pictures of me all over the campus, I can't face it so I returned back home. I locked myself in my room and cried again but this time I asked God to give me the strength to face the world for a second time, so I can live to tell my story

I tried going to campus on Tuesday again, this time I really went but I was so scared that I refused to go look at our student notice board. As I passed one day, students greeted me, I responded trying to put up a smile but it's never came because can heard them say \"is she not the girl that was rape few days back?\" At some point I had to turned and answered some, Oh yes I am the girl, should I died because some stupid beast raped me? There I can sense the anger in my voice and felt the strength to face the world.

Till now I am still looking out for my naked pictures, sure I am. I never left the community and by God's Grace come February 2017 I will graduate with a BA Hons In Mass Communication. But my greatest fear is for them not to publish my naked pictures when I attain leadership position in the future.

Have been to some many counseling session but I still carry this fear that someday, somewhere they will just publish my pictures and that has made me to go silent in many of my outdoor program to give them an impression that I am not existing therefore i choose to share my story to get counseling on how to address my fears, be bold enough to face the world with my story and use my story to inspire others.