Living Beyond Mamma's Shadow

Posted March 1, 2009 from Kenya

Just the other day one of my old good friends called to let me know that she wil tie the knot in two weeks time. Her mother was visiting her In London to attend the ceremony. I Know the family very well, infact while in high school when I did not have any one to visit me because my mother had died and My father was bed ridden, it was my friend's Mother who gave me the love of a mother. When I hearn the news of the upcoming wedding. I was extremely happy for my friend like one would be for her own sister. But I was also filled with envy because my mamma was not there to celebrate the achievements of my life like her mother was. I was honest with my friend and i said " ... I am happy for you but an jealous too"

Like a pat on my shoulder her voice on the other side of the telephone assured me that she understands when she said "It is well."

Today as I sit on here am reflecting on these words that I shared with my dear friend. I also remember clearly that day in 1991 when I stood before the whole family and community and spoke my heart out as I cried

"Ma! Ma! Ooh Mamma, Do not leave me Ma! desperate lonely and Confused, Don't let death take you fight for your rights Ma! Oh dear, Come back I am left with memories of the past and responsibilities of the future.

Alas! Alas! all that starts well ends well pure blasphemy,lies, nonsense for it all begun well with Pa and Ma Sailing in the same ship, With a gorgeous wedding, Flowers, presents, songs and most of al a wedding ring, Those were the happy moments, the second celebration after birth Gone is the day and coming back It won't

What does a man want? What win's a man? I will be glad to know I will seach for an answer, down the valleys , Up the mountains across the bridges until lastly I get.

Dad Never came home later Never, unless with a reason then Bang, It begun Coming home late, druck , annoyed, Hot tempered, Hot tempwers everywhere.

"Dear Paul could say Ma Please the children what will they say We need to be a good example for them to....." but before she could finish Pa was on her

"Woman! Woman! mind your own business What have I to do with girls, wives, women shut your beak or else the gate is open But Paul.. ...Did you hear me? Out!!!"

Like a donkey the beast of burden her pleas went with the wind It was slaps , kicks and all those leaving Ma dejected and lonely wit no one to turn to Only her children who cried and mourned with her

Then came the second wife The Star of Africa Her lips clotted with blood, with fried hair and painted nails moreover with a tube like skirt, who could whisper in dad's ear in a white man's language And they laughed sending treaks of fear i Ma's spine

Not a month Later later The who left Pa in Hospital, in bed with Ma trying fruitlessly to save the situation

AIDS! AIDS! you are not meant for us Go Go to where you came from no one invited you and none needs you in our midst Go!!!!

And here is Ma again leaving me with the children to feed clothe and Comfort Lord, God, why should i suffer so Why should I go through all these take this cup of suffering away

Lord how should i appease you Which sacrifice do you need only to return Pa and Ma and promise to murder AIDS

where there is Alpha, Omega is present

Ma, may God rest your soul in peace Bye

(This text was presented to the funeral of Mrs Dommie N W in 1991 written and presented by her daughter Lin W copyright)

Today many years after this memorable day, the events are so vivid in my mind. I cannot lie but say how much I miss my Mother, I keep think what life would be like with her around.

Iam learning again to live beyond mamma's shadow, the woman who impacted my life with unconditional love, the love of my life, the best mother in the world. I will forever Thank God for giving me to you. You are fondly missed!!!

Comments 5

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  • JaniceW
    Mar 01, 2009
    Mar 01, 2009

    Although your dear mother is no longer with you, let the sisterhood of this community carry her spirit of love as you spread her light.

  • mamaAfrica
    Mar 01, 2009
    Mar 01, 2009

    Dear Janice

    Thanks again, am sure she is proud of me and the rest of the women who strive to keep their families together, she is smiling and saying "keep up ladies, keep up in the good fight of faith"

  • Kandace York
    Mar 22, 2009
    Mar 22, 2009

    Dearest mamaAfrica,

    I am so sorry to hear of your mothers transistion, and that you have lived with the pain of her not seeming to be there, butI want to tell you the 'Good News'...there is no death! Only change. Nothing in the entire Universe is dead, All is living!!

    Death is the phantom of ignorance; it does not exist; everything in Nature is living, and it is because it is alive that everything is in motion and undergoes incessant change of form.

    Old age is the beginning of regeneration; it is the labour of renewing life; and the ancients represented the mystery we term death by the Fountain of Youth, which was entered in decrepitude and left in new childhood.

    As a fact, death can be no more an absolute end than birth is a real beginning.

    Birth proves the prexistence of the human being, since nothing is produced from nothing, and death proves immortality, since being can no more cease from being than nothingness can cease to be nothingness.

    Being and nothingness are two absolutely irreconcilable ideas, with this difference, that the idea of nothingness, which is altogether negative, issues from the very idea of being,

    whence even nothingess cannot be understood as an absolute negation, whilst the notion of being can never be put in comparison with that of nothingness, and still less can it come from therefrom.

    To say that the worlds has been produced out of nothing is to advance a monstrous absurdity. All that is, proceeds from what has been, and consequently nothing that is can ever more cease to be.

    MamaAfrica, she is there with you, she is the fire, the Spirit that spurs you on to be the powerhouse you are. For she is always with you.

    I pray these words will bring you peace and the knowing you are not separated from her at all.

    Warmest Blessings, Rose of Sharon

  • mamaAfrica
    Mar 22, 2009
    Mar 22, 2009

    I beleive that My mamma's spirit is alive. Though physically she is not here but i can feel her watching over and with a smile like any other mother saying "That is my girl am proud of her". I therefore live everyday to make her proud because is she the best mother for me. A special gift given me by God and for that am forever grateful

    Thank you Sister Rose Of Sharon You are a blessing

  • Kandace York
    Mar 22, 2009
    Mar 22, 2009

    Dear mamaAfrica,

    You are most graciously welcome.

    Yes! Her Spirit is Alive! I am so happy we can share the joy of this knowledge together, and with all the women in this incredible group.

    Thank you Sister mamaAfrica, you are a blessing as well, to your mother and all the women you help and communicate with, like myself.

    Blessings Abundant, Rose Of Sharon