Total Healing from an Abusive past is possible: It took me 7 years

Marie Abanga
Posted December 17, 2018 from Cameroon
15 minutes after I ran into my ex-husband. I am so grateful for my total healing. Had I been late to that event, I would have missed out on that lol

Hello World Pulse world, I hope everyone is off to a magic filled start of a new week.

I want to share a personal experience which helped me find total healing from an abusive marriage. I left my marriage in 2011, and when I ran into my ex husband last week, the 5 minutes we shared made me realize my total healing was finally here. 

I mean, I have been working and looking so forward to it, I am so happy it happened this month which is the last month of a year full of so much Grace for me.

Below is what I shared on Facebook on that day (14.12.18):

"I just ran into my ex-husband like after more than a year. The last time (01.09.17) we saw each other was at the police station where he had taken me to for breaking his door. I recall breaking the glass on that door with a stick so I could collect my sons ahead of their back to school on 03.09.17. He was called and he came with two cops. The kids and I went there with himself and we spent 4 hours in a cell - they refused to leave me alone or go with him. We were release after I signed a to never go near his house again. We got home at midnight that day, it was super traumatic especially for them. And since then they haven't seen him either. They refused to go spend summer holidays with neither him nor their paternal grandma, and I refused to force them. He accused me of manipulation. That was a déjà entendu for me. He threatened to 'disown' them, and the last I told him during that very heated phone call was that he wasn't our God. And so, running into him here at Gicam Bonanjo a year and plus later, was cool. Cool because I was happy to see him looking so good. He had some big nerves stuff last year and both his mum and wife called me alarmed and asking me to pray for him. That I did. I don't have any grudge against him, no energy to hate or whatsoever. I just wish him so much well. I greeted him so warm and asked how he was feeling. I equally asked if he thought of the children and he said yes. He seemed to want to chit chat more but I didn't want to. Anyways, I am sharing this to encourage especially my fellow sisters going through any such similar, to let all that be. I mean even if you prefer the saying "let sleeping dogs lie" use it and release (find it in you to deal+heal) all that 'crap'. I just wish we had even taken a selfie hahahaha"#releasethehurts#notoshame#notostigma#forgiveandmoveon#IamMAGnectic

We each have our unique journeys, I just share mine to inspire+motivate by Amazing Grace.

Comments 9

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jlanghus
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018

Hi Marie:-)

How are you doing? Thanks for sharing your healing moment. So, what made you finally leave him? Was it a long time coming or he crossed the line, and that was it? And, what helped you to heal the most in relatively short timeframe?

Hope you're having a great day, dear!

Marie Abanga
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018

Dear Jill,

Thank you for your comment.
1) It was a long time coming and I just got so terribly fed up and even outright disgusted at myself. Some lingering questions I guess mired with shame+guilt were these: 'Ayo girl how could you end up in this?' Is this all about it, life, you? What are you showing the boys?' And when the answers I heard in me were as stale as a corpse (disgust me again remember), I decided there had to be a better tale to tell - and I meticulously planned my flight... I was more disgusted at myself to even focus on any lines. It was maybe 2 years later I realized how abused and battered I was/had been all along...
2) I dunno if 7 years is a relatively short time. But that's so much time for me; I guess it was the time I needed. But I know I needed total healing and had long since started on that healing journey the day I left that house.
Thanks for asking, I am having a great week whatever happens by Grace Amen

jlanghus
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018

Hello Dear Marie:-)

Oh, I see:( I'm sorry you had to endure a lot before you finally left. Yes, I think this scenario happens for a lot of women, don't you, i.e., the blaming oneself? Well, I'm glad you did realize and that you left him when you did. You would've been even more upset with yourself, if say, you were still with him.

I think it's a short timeframe, especially for a lot of trauma. Sometimes it takes people a lifetime to overcome major trauma.

You're very welcome, dear. Great to hear!!!

Marie Abanga
Dec 21, 2018
Dec 21, 2018

Dear Jill,
Thank you for the sympathy. Yes it happens and it happened to me. I would have been dead even by now no kidding. The healing time cannot be measured, it depends on each person and what they want/need/or are prepared to face, accept again from life, others etc.
Thank you again once more

jlanghus
Dec 21, 2018
Dec 21, 2018

Hi Marie:-)

You're welcome!

Oh:( Then I'm very glad you left when you did:-(

Yes, that makes sense on healing time.

Of course, dear:-)

Sis. Salifu
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018

Hi Marie,
Nice to hear your experience, we all one way of the other are going through such experiences. Good to know we never alone ;-)

And yes time heal pain.
Have a nice day.

Marie Abanga
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018

Hi Lis,

Thanks for your comment. Indeed, I share to inspire+motivate and let others know they are not alone.
Time tells a lot, and what you want it usually tells you.
Have a nice day too sis

Sis. Salifu
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018

Splendid! Its good you make up with each other. The children will look up to you. Best wishes in the future

Marie Abanga
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018

Thank you sis, I refused to live in fear or hate and I am happy he is seemingly also there now. We were civil with each other and that's vip for the children and ourselves too ofcourse