Some reasons why you should strive to rise up, speak up and shine after Domestic Abuse

Hello my World Pulse Family, it’s a Monday and a new week in this seemingly never ending month of January. It however happens to be my best month in the year, of course I am a Capricorn born right in the middle of the month – as in on the 18th. Come to think of me building up hype to celebrate and then hype thereafter to keep at it hahaha. Turning 40 this year has equally given me a sort of new lease and view of life if we could give ourselves permission to look at it so.

I got inspired to write about the above topic because of some stuffs which caught my attention on Facebook, and also because of another personal milestone of mine which I will gladly share with us all.

A World Pulse sister Aisse shared a conversation she had with a man whose wife had left him some time back. She said the man was throwing a pity party (I flashback to the types I heard my ex husband threw from home to home when I left, crying and telling ‘my atrocities’ over and over again lol), and told her to look at what his ex wife was happy to be doing now that she left and got her ‘freedom’. Aisse, just like I thought when reading her post, was expecting to see either a ‘dirty and haggard woman’ or in my mind, a ‘woman who was having such fun even as a stripper in a club’ - why not if that made her happy right? But his ex wife was not looking like any of that, she looked well poised in all the pictures he showed Aisse, clad in their traditional outfits and going about her business or at an outing… Aisse, wrote that she just shrugged and asked the man what he was expecting? He murmured under his breath remembering that as an activist, Aisse wasn’t likely to show enough sympathy or empathy. She concluded by wondering “who knew how much the poor woman had endured before salvaging herself enough to look that radiant now”?

Really, who knows or who will know if you the woman don’t strive to rise up and speak up? And above all to shine after it all right?

I was also drawn to a post still on Facebook by our own World Pulse sister Olutosin. She said she carried two of her epic “trash 2 treasure” bags and she said the one was called ‘full of love’; and the other was ‘carry go pass’ or something like that, which can be literally translated to ‘I am moving on, you better do same’ sort of. I jokingly commented I already got the first bag and needed the second.

These two interactions really got me thinking about writing such a post and am grateful for the inspiration for an apt title which came to me in the wee hours of the morning.

You have to strive to rise up

For me that was the first and most important step. As in rise up after all that abuse and loss of self esteem, self love, self acceptance, self worth and all these positive selfies I recommend we go after. Rising up could be taking that huge decision to leave the abusive relationship; or to lift your head up after you have left and decide you aren’t throwing or attending any more pity parties.

You have to speak up

If you don’t speak up, who will on your behalf? Who can tell your story better than yourself? Who can now champion advocacy for change in policy and societal attitudes better than you who have been through it all? If people didn’t speak up, how will the world know the magnitude of the atrocities committed? Speaking up can take any form from writing books, organizing campaigns, blogging on all sorts of platforms like World Pulse and even your own personal sites, doing live videos on all platforms available, seeking out and accepting all invitations for broader media outlets why not? I have done all of the above since I started speaking up in 2013. I strove to rise up in 2011 when I took that dreary decision to leave – aww I was a mess back then. But today, I mean dare MAG as I have come to brand myself hahaha. This one doesn’t even come with any striving for me, it’s sometimes simply amazing. Starting is the most important and yes daunting step.

Shine

I didn’t have any other word to use than this one. Simply shine. Shine like the woman Aisse was shown in those pictures; shine like our sister Olutosin; why not – shine like MAG. I am shinning all the way; just committed to a new relationship yesterday and yes, this time it’s on my terms and the slightest abuse will not even even be tolerated. And oh, while at it, remember the shine scares them so bad, probably the regret masqueraded as a pity party from the man Aisse met in the first case hahaha

May we all therefore give ourselves permission to not only strive, but to thrive all the way.