My love letter to you
  • My love letter to you

My dear daughter, sister, spouse, friend..

My feeling is one of the most effective ways to end violence against of you is, you fully accept and respect yourself.

This is so easy to say - and so immensely difficult to practice, being alone.

But we are not alone. And it is easier participating of our bit of entitlement and sovereignity, if we know we are loved. And love, in my view, is the only form of energy which multiplies. It can spread virally - a benign virus - thanks to the web and a bit of technology.

As love is something very personal, I preferred doing the letter hand-made, then (tech geeks around the World thank you all) gathering it with my poor old scanner.

So, if you find my writing unreadable, you know who to blame ;-)


Take action! This post was submitted in response to Take Back the Tech 2013.

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Dear Mauri, These are such beautiful words. I am sure "she", me or any other person, would read it and appreciate your love to us, to you. It is important that we accept and respect ourselves though it still is a part of our ignorance. Thank you. Cheers, Rabi


Rabi, dear,

thank you for your encouraging and warm words!

It's too true. For we to acts towards us in respectful way, we have the first to be respectful to us.

This is not simple, at least here in Italy, as cultural norms almost prescribe women give priority to "others, first and always". This habit radicates deeply, and makes self-consideration difficult.

Maybe, to make things simpler, we should consider that the respect we can reserve to ourselves is, in reality, directed to the countless others "like us", and who preceded us.

But true, it's a love -and loving- culture what we most miss, and should need..



Thank you for your words. I am sure that they resonate with so many women. Until you learn to respect yourself, you will never consider yourself deserving of respect from others.


Dear, thank you for your encouragement.

True, in order to get respect, we first have to come to terms with ourselves, our habits of self-deprecation, and ask actively for a mature love. Which always is reciprocity, mutual respect, communication.

In my view this, education to love, is a missing topic especially for young men. The ones already sensitive will arrive to it on themselves, but a majority of weaker men is left prey of inhuman stereotypes (detached warriors, "tough" insensitive decision makers, and similar). Maybe, instead of trying to correct them once married, we could try to teach them these toughnesses are just appearance, any impassionate warrior being just a docile instrument of his commander.

A tough antelope, more than a lion?

Love Mauri

What a superb expression in the hand-written form and its' vital message !

Indeed, in solidarity I join you !


Cheers, Shaheen


Isn't it true that, keyboards and mouses accomplices, we are losing a way to let our reality flow? Indeed, I love hand-writing and drawing, amateurishly. It's sort of a sensual experience, in its own.



You are more than welcome, dear!

Apparently, we have similar problems.. The next step might be passing from words to facts.

I wonder whether this would be easier, if anyone expresses their love to "others". A circle of together-validation?

But sure, would we all express our value, violence would be undermined from its roots. A part of it comes from fragile men constructing women as the weak and value-less, and strive to be anithing but this. Injust, and illogical. Yet too much practiced, ingrained in the mainstream.

Yet, I'm absolutely sure you will find the right words, too. They are inside of you, there, just waiting to express. To explode to the world. As an Italian poet has written not long ago, as "cathedrals of light in heart".

A hug, dear sister. And, love, of course! ;-)


Dear Mauri,

Your hand-written letter has inspired me to write a letter to a girlfriend of mine who is in need of a reminder of her value and self-worth. You pack a lot of powerful meaning in to a few paragraphs - a sign of a talented writer.

Best, Erin

Erin, dear, I'm so glad you have added your voice to mine in spreading love - a mission so difficult, but so necessary. And I'm sure your friend, too, will pass the world, and add her own breadcrumb.

You're generous saying me about a talent; coming from you, it's some more than a mere compliment. I hope to be up the expectation. (Not very sure being so a writer, anyway ;-) )

In this moment, as you I feel, I'm in search of ways for this aspiration, to love, to repay the love I have received, towards the generations coming and to come, to become true in the real world. Bit by bit maybe.

And a pre-requisite of love, and loving, is acknowledging worth. It's difficult acknowledging it from the "inside", as you know all your defects and can't escape them easily. Part of the difficulty may be from cultural conditioning (yeah, the usually said "women are proclive to self-belittlement, rather than aggrandisement" - something surely true). But I feel this is not an exhaustive explain, or an explain at all; there is something much deeper, maybe akin to logical paradoxes, about the basic undecidability of our own Self: we may engage in a long self-discovery travel, but it will never really end in a "final truth" - fortunately, I may add). Seeing the worth from outside is infinitely easier, with less inhibitions, and with the friendly attitude of an empathetic, but meanwhile separate listening, talking, seeing, touching.

One of the most beautiful things I've come to appreciate in reality is how much we are connected already. A friend of mine once told me of the image of life as an immense weave anyone of us is part of. We can perceive only a little bit of it, yet would we be able to assume the perspective of God we would understand quickly, easily, how large, how marvellous the thread is. And how much our lifes, in large part because of these connections, come to get a meaning.

I enjoy imagining love as a light, allowing us to perceive some of these connections, rejoice of them, and enable us constructing meanings for lives, ours, our beloved, and the many we have an impression to not know. The diverse, and the shared. The many faces we all of a same thing, larger than us.

Erin, thank you very much, for spreading love and worthness.

With great respect, and love of course,


Thank you for sharing Mauri! Your words are so true. I especially can relate to what you say about accepting and respecting yourself being so easy to say but immensely difficult to practice. It seems like a life long journey to try to fully accept ourselves and respect who we are, no matter what situation we find ourselves in. But you're right--we're not alone; we're never alone. Through the power of the internet, we have the ability to bridge any gap and unite from anywhere in the world. Thank you for your honesty and for reminding us of the importance of acceptance and respect and the fact that we're never alone.

"Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach" (Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author and poet)

Debbie, thank you for your supportive words!

And thank you for your inspiring quote of Clarissa Estes.

You are so right: self-acceptance, and self-discovery, is not a simple journey. It's lifelong.

It demands also a lot of committment, a "room of one's own" as Virginia has said - maybe figuratively. A lot of lovely support - and here I guess things begin to make circular. It is easier to express love, for those who have received it when they most needed. As children, or during some vulnerable special moment. And here we are...

And yet my guess is, this will not be the hardest part of our endeavour. Being mover of self respect is a beginning, and in my feeling a very powerful one.

A harder (possibly) side may be letting imagine love as reciprocity, respect, peer-ness, and not mere "love for", or possess. The two aspects are complementary and intertwined. But the latter task is in some way "counter-cultural"...

Inspiring self respect, anyway, is deeply erosive of (allow me to say, and forgive me) the "patriarchal" frame, within of which "love", as many other forms of domination, is fundamentally unilateral (in the sense of being totally regardless of others' feelings). I imagine, a culture of love would be deeply and irreducibly subversive - a subversion which is intrinsically non-violent, worth taking place, but (maybe also because of this) more profound than any violence-driven and conduced "revolution". ;-)

I also feel we have a special necessity to "grow". Thinking to my own experience since when a child, I remember how deep and rewarding my connection was, for example, with my parents, teachers, and many other adults. I say rewarding", and it very warmly was, like a hall of mirrors. With mom and some of the (female) teachers especially, their attention to me all based on affinity (really perceived or imagined, constructed). With me being very early "adopted" in their community. It was a honor, a large source of authoritative models. But, also, meanwhile, a "molding" process. A net of expectations. In the very end it did not help. I don't feel early "detachment" and fictions of autonomy being of some special value; but on the other side, we all have a responsibility to go on, to grow into ourselves, or at least try to. To become able giving, not only receiving. My wish and believe is the right type of love would be of immense help.

Then, when you understand you are on the "really giving" side, you may turn back and realize the affinity the others found in you was more than real - only, with a time shift.

The big problem I see is that, as women, and in this society, we are not "demanded" to really grow. We could remain almost-children, and others would barely notice. Not developing is, I see, a major source of self-disrespect, an invitation to abuse...

With love, and respect,


Thank you for your heartfelt words that express the struggle that everyone faces. I am going to journal and write a letter to myself and ask others to do the same. I am also going to do this in the context of the work I do with women. What a powerful way to get at the internal issue.

Great job!


Kim, dear, thank you for your warmful words!

My feeling is, anyone of us, in our human heritage and experience, has already written many love letters. Maybe they are not yet visible. But they have grown, within of us, day after day, bit after bit. Intuitively.

(Like a sort of pregnancy?)

Until one day, in the "right" moment, they come in full light (a moment we in retrospective could rationalize, acknowledging a set of circumstances, of feelings, of special likelihood of events, of determinisms). A reality is, in my feeling, a bit of "magic" occurs.

(Like a sort of birth?)

I don't know if I'm right, yet I feel love has a dynamics not unlike to life itself. Very complex, with a large part of "mystery" (in the Spanish sense of "mysterio", of a truth which is self evident after all, but can not be rationally explained). But with an unfolding which, in a broad sense, may be understood (if not "predicted", to some extent).

It is a bit sad we become fully able to express our sense of love so late - I'm speaking of myself, really, in this case.

Yet it is worth to express it. Only by doing so, I imagine, it will propagate.

So, thank you warmly, with respect and love


Dear, Mauri,

Thank you for your beautifully hand-written letter. You are correct about the difficulties of believing in ourselves when it is only our voice that we hear - as we subconsciously regurgitate the viral messages we receive on a daily basis.

You show great compassion for the recipient and the challenges that may lie ahead. Thank you for reminding us that we are never really alone. We are only a keystroke away from our sisters!

My best to you,

Julie K. Thompson 'SheRises'

~ Julie Thompson

Julie, thank you for your encouragement, and your beautiful words!

My feeling is that, yes, we all, as social beings, cannot fully escape the conditionings surrounding all of us.

At least in the beginning of our lifes. Especially in the beginning, I might say, when so many of us (me included) begin developing in a loveful environment with no pressure (no need) to grow detached, I know detachment, disconnection, are unhealthy, and I would not strive for them today, as I did then... Yet, connection may give in the long run its specific troubles, if let gone ungoverned. One of these is, not being fully able to become something else from our environments.

And having all the ensuing troubles when it is our turn to give, to love. To date, in my fiftysomething, I clearly feel accepting and embracing our in{ter}dependent self fully is the condition our giving can>/em> make a difference. Maybe, "should": a sort of payback for our right to life (a payment one does warm-heartedly, in full desire, without the regret we sometimes feel when having to pay some bill on due date: a sort of tribute to life, a wilfulness in gratitude of "being there").

But, I imagine, these are the kind of thought you get on the verge of menopause, or little after ;-) - When we "should" have become wise - hopefully (I'm not sure to be, anyway).

This train of feelings and thought would have not been possible to me, sincerely, some years ago. I was too much entwined in life processes. Would a seriously abusive relationship, for example, have occurred to me "then", I'm now quite sure I would have tried to "manage" it, and the other in that relationship, paying little attention to the other inevitable term of the relationship itself, that is to say, "me". And "managing" I could even have imagined being sooner or later be able to "change him for the best". I know this pattern, as I lived it in a past work context - and work is a miniature of life, sometimes. I was eventually able to leave that job, but it demanded a rise of awareness. And, maybe most important of all, the phrase of one of my best friends: "Go, where your heart leads you."

I'm grateful to these words. So much, you can imagine. Without of them I might have eventually left, but feeling in a sort of sin. As if escaping. That would have been perfectly legitimate, rational, and shareable - seen from outside. But for that "me" it ould have had something hard to accept. And that was just a job...

I know, today, after some years of experience, these words, or some similar, could be something "I" can say.

My wish is, this will be never necessary (because the antecedent has not happened). But I'm warmly available to say them, on the right time, to the right person.



PS - Humans are often thrilled by menopause. As if it bears something terrible. Surely it carries changes. But some of the ones I'm witnessing are positive. You don't become a someone else (my own back-in-the-mind concern), but rather a "more fully yourself". More detached but, meanwhile, more compassionate. More able to see the "big picture". One of the surprises occurred even from physiology: I imagined that, with the end of my periods, I would have become to my symbiont bacteria a steady environment, as men are. This did not happen: ebbs and flows are continuing as before - just in a different way. Why this is not said on physiology books? (The one I've read was written (quite an unusual thing) by a woman, but maybe a young one.. :-) )

Dear, carissima!

Thank you for your words of appreciation. I could say, the words I have expressed are mine, and deeply so, yet just an expression of a something we all, humans and not, share.

The same thing one may find in your wonderful paintings. In children eyes. In the depth of a forest. (Even, ahem, lurking behind repelling equations in atmospheric physics - my professional field, to date ;-) ).

A thread? A sort of prime/primal mover?

Bad news look more impressive, as usual. But after all, life goes on. With infinite, stubborn patience, crossing (changing continuously, and meanwhile remaining basically the same) geological aeons.