The day I answered my call “Served Women Selflessly till the End”

I was born and raised in a traditional South Indian Family, fifth generation of immigrants on a small island in the Indian Oceans,Mauritius.

A place known as paradise, envied for it’s economic and political stability and loved for it’s beaches and endless nature. Yet a place loaded with it’s shit of patriarchal structures. Women are “properly educated” here, we go to school, universities and we are encouraged to study. Women are over 50 percent of the population, yet women are still domesticated to play the “DIM YOUR LIGHT”, game. And I spare you the atrocities of violence.

I was domesticated in this very same game and I played in for almost 27years. I played it so well that I became an expert at hiding; no one knew that I could laugh wickedly; no one knew that I had a voice and no one ever heard me saying “NO”.

At the dawn of my 27th birthday, I realized that something was not going well in my life. It was not just something, my whole life was numbed. I was at the peak of a successful career and I was married but I did not know what happiness meant. My physical and emotional health was at its poorest.

In March 2010, just about one and a half month to that 27th birthday, I quit my job. I had no idea where I was going but I remember crying and praying in agony to the Sky, “I cannot handle all this anymore, will you just keep looking at me? won’t you do something about it?”

This part of my story makes me laugh today for had I understood that I was summoning all the powers of life which would then press me hard to rid me of my shit, probably I would not have done that.

In March 2010, I answered my call “Serve Women Selflessly till the end”. A call that began with me, clearing my mess and owning my power. A journey which will never end for I am still walking my way there.

A call which I will take years to understand and this is how it is meant to be. When you answer your call, it serves you none to understand it right away unless you have cleared enough mess in your life.

From then on, I joined a women leadership program, kicked off my 10 years heavy allergic treatment without any backup other than a mindset that I would make it through. And started my active engagement with women on grassroots on leadership programs, Gender Based Violence and “Electoral and Campaigning Skills Training”.

It was no easy path and it is still not. Along the way, I have had to deal with a divorce. And my greatest challenge proved to be a woman, my very own mother.

She screamed, she whined, she shouted, she cried and she still does. “how could her daughter darebreak the wheel? How could this little woman say “no” ? How dared she? Why is not her daughter marrying again? Why? Why?”

Today as I write those words, my biggest take away is, we will be endless to answer our calling and part of us will always long for support from our family, but the truth is “when you stand to walk your truth, people will feel hurt. People will choose to feel hurt. And their hurt has nothing to do with you but rather their own cinema of what is acceptable and unacceptable. My mother still hurts because of my path but I keep going for in truth, the day that will bring real pain to her is that day when my inner light dims away. I choose not to make her cinema my priority.”

And as I paved my way through these months and months of engagement with women, they taught me, they embraced me, they loved me and they mirrored love, passion, compassion but also the pains and the fears that I was carrying, that I am still carrying. When we choose to work consciously within and with others, life always gives us endless possibilities to heal and grow. “This is an integral part of the package and don’t even try to run away for the mess will catch you up soonest till you face it and deal with it.”

While I learned and I am still learning about life, love, empowerment from these women. One of the most important things they taught me is “self-respect”. What I mean by self-respect in this context is, people are not meant to be saved and this starts with oneself. What is needed is creating awareness and guide people to own their path. This huge lesson saved me from becoming a wounded healer who would have probably tried to cling to her fellows and feed on their pains and wounds instead of letting them heal openly in divine independence.

And these lessons impact on the way I choose to carry my voice today. I talk, I write, I coach, I facilitate not from a stand of an expert from rather a stand of knowingness that we are connected; from a stand of learning humility that I may stumble and I may act arrogantly at times but I have asked life to pick on mesoonest; from a stand of love for it is all that it takes to voice out and let sisters know that we are here humming, chanting, singing, drumming and swirling for their rise.

My name is Meghanaiyegee which technically means Goddess of Thunder and I have choosed to commit my life to serving women selfless till the end.

My voice is my medium and my heart is from where I lead.

The path is ongoing and deep within, I know self-mastery is just an illusion. I choose to learn, to connect, to grow, to touch, to move within and without in connectedness and love.

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