Confronting violence: What can money do?

The problems we face in this patriarchal world for merely being women is multifold. Many times we tend to focus on the major issues like rape, sexual assault, trafficking, sex slavery, forced prostitution and other domestic abuses. In many cases the underlying causes for the continuation of these nefarious acts of abuse against us is the lack of financial independence for many of us.

When my cousin quit a public service job she held for almost a decade, because ofher husband’s suspicion of her male workmates, she didn’t prepare for what she encountered in the home afterwards. During the Ebola outbreak, her family moved to another West African country. Her husband paid the rent for a family of four. Every other responsibility rested on the husband’s shoulder alone and it was getting too much for him. Her husband was becoming very angry. Little arguments resulted to beatings and abuses. My cousin had to endure. Firstly she had no job or business to look up to; secondly they were in a different country. Finally, they returned to Sierra Leone and she was quick to start her own business. Once more she is not only financially independent but the beatings and abuses have stopped. Her case speaks for many other sisters across the globe.

My dear sisters, pressure from some husbands have left some of our sisters jobless, live on the finances of their husbands and endure abuse. If you are a business woman, you will be accused of using your body to solicit contracts. If your boss is a male, you will be accused of sleeping with him for promotions. Such bigotry is intended to weaken your efforts and become financially dependent on him. You will notice that when you bow to these prejudices, quit your jobs, become house wives, you become the object of abuse by angry husbands who cannot deal with the stress of being a sole provider.

Time and again, we have highlighted policy changes, severing punishment for perpetrators and even temporary shelters to ending VAW. Yet, these reactive strategies do not always offer permanent solutions to the violence some of our sisters face in private and in public. There are underlying issues that set the pace for this. For example, a man or a boy doesn’t just wake up and start abusing women. The problems many times start at childhood. It is then, a boy is told to speak louder because he is a boy, to climb the mango tree while his sisters stand and look up to him to catch the mangoes he collects from the tree, to discipline his sisters etc. I still remember a neighbour who will give a stick to his ten-year-old son to beat his female siblings when they were naughty. What does this teaches the boy? This tells him violence, abusive and oppressive attitudes towards girls are okay. Yet, for that neighbouring family, they believed they were teaching Abu how to be a man. He was the one in charge of the money when he and his siblings went to the shop or market to buy. His siblings would help carry the shopping while he dealt with all financial transactions. It is this sort of attitude that is carried on into the lives of the adult male. It is this same oppressive attitude towards us that has over time subject some of our sisters to prolong abuse in marriages and relationships.

A woman without career is financially weak and becomes a prey for abusive husbands. Jobless financially poor women are believed to be naturally submissive for the single fact that they lack the finances needed to have a voice in their homes. To some men, women who seek higher education and or career deliberately make themselves unmarriageable. Interestingly, some women share that notion too and will blame their focus on academia and or career for their inability to get married. But why should higher education or career make a woman unmarriageable? Is marriage/relationship not about partnership? Why should a wealthy, educated man be the most ideal bachelor while his female counterpart not the most ideal bachelorette? Well as you know, the answer is hidden in the quest for oppressive form of control of by some men.

To those middle class wives whose husbands encourage them not to get into any formal employment, Those sisters who usually say, ‘my husband told me I have no reason to work’ or ‘my husband asked me why I am putting myself through the struggle of being an employee when there are lots of work to do at home.’ Let your husbands understand that two hands are better than one and many hands make light work. My dear sisters, a woman needs to work to have financial independence so she doesn’t have to endure prolonged abuse because she lacks the financial capacity to walk out. No one knows tomorrow. Your job will be the only weapon you have to fight back with when things turn sour.

I indulge you to find jobs that meet your qualifications and experience. Start a business if you have the capital. We can also help by supporting a woman find a job, help her with her CV and cover letter, and assist with interview techniques. If you work with organizations, you can help lobby for a microcredit from banks for women who want to start their own business since most times women find it hard to get loans especially if they lack the necessary collateral. And for countries wherein women still need men to open an account, get a loan or start their own business, we can lobby the governments in charge to change these policies.

Financial independence is crucial in helping women get out of abusive and violent relationships. It can build confidence, help stand up to violence and even quit abusive relationships. Besides, there is something fundamentally satisfying receiving your own salary/wages, sorting out your own financial situations without the ifs and buts of a second party, buying the shoe or dress you like, eating your preferred food etc. This satisfaction goes beyond making the little financial choices but also gives you the voice you need in your home.