Believe sometimes a curse

Mushaim khan
Posted February 4, 2018

Okay soo i was born in a family where things werenot that good.where inever seen my father.It wasnot like he was dead it was like he was aboard.I always pray for his success.His pleasure was my pleasure.He was my ideal.He was my everything.I always thoughtnothing can make me hate him even if inever met him.I was round 6 when he came back for two months in(2005).i was too small to feel anything but i still loved him as if i was knowing once he'll leavehe won't came back.I also came to know that he married the sec time and was having kids there.He went back after two months.Time keeps flying and it was like (2014).Alas! so many years but still i loved him the most.There he was having 2 childern and i have realised that my love has being divided but still loved him the mostuntil a dark day came in my life.It was like a storm,a knight mare.I heard he has send divorce tomy mother.I was broken.My dreams were scattered but still i loved him like idiots.He stopped calling.I missed him every single day and my wait was over.He called. Ayeeeeee my emotions were too high.I was extremely happy as if i have forgotten what he did to us.The only thing i remember was him.I was crying and suddenly a voice came from the other end *Stop it Stop it. what makes you cry.there isnothing to cry on* His screaming voice just broke me into pieces.I was broken as if my heart was crying. Ohh yes! Oh yes! i started hating him.My love For him was finished.Today i'm like 18 years old.I do talk to him on call but i don't love him.I only respect him and the most surprising thing is Time has proved me wrong :'( Where are my rights for love.Where ? why a dad is anight mare.How can he be one :'(

This post was submitted in response to Bringing Up Boys .

Comments 11

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Olutosin
Feb 06, 2018
Feb 06, 2018

This is sad for me to comprehend and the fact that one loves someone and you want to be loved equally, especially from ones parent.

One thing that I am happy about is that there is something called self love. We are free to love ourselves, nobody can dictate or decide that except us.

Also things happen and we can make a choice. Now, you are to make your own choice. My advise to you is To a lesson, You have learn a lesson, never to behave like this to your own child.

In addition, I know that one day, he will regret his actions, he will come BACK begging and you can love him again and be loved by him.

I always think that hatred is a heavy load for our hearts. I have a brother that hates me, I don't want to waste my time hating him, I walked away from any relationship with him, I'm happy about that.... Thanks for sharing the story. My warm regards.

Mushaim khan
Feb 04, 2018
Feb 04, 2018

Thank you soo much.This means alot.You are such a kind hearted lady.Loads of love <3

jlanghus
Feb 05, 2018
Feb 05, 2018

Hi Mushaim. Welcome to World Pulse:) Thanks for sharing your sad story with us. Please do realize that you have done absolutely nothing wrong, first and foremost. Please do not blame yourself for one moment, and then, forgive yourself, for anything you feel you may have done, whether it's true or not. And, then, when you are able, please forgive him. When we hold hatred in our hearts it only hurts us, and keeps us imprisoned. I hope you feel some peace soon. Keep sharing your stories...

Wendy Stebbins
Feb 05, 2018
Feb 05, 2018

Oh, Mushaim. I am so so sorry you have had such a tragic tragic life until now. I do not even know what to say. If I were with you I would wrap my arms around you for your comfort and never let go. My insides are crying over a little girl who was born to be loved and to love,  yet had this thrust upon her. Mushaim, your pain is my pain. 

Mushaim, you must deal with this in your own time and way. Grief is very personal. No one can tell you how to do it or when to get over it. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve that kindness to yourself.  And when you are ready , you will get up one day and walk across the room without it hurting. That will be a huge achievement. Then it will begin to get easier. While you never get over something like this, I believe God has made this happen so someday, when you are ready, you will be a great help to other young human beings who suffer. And then and only then you will see the miracle of you.

You inspire me. Good luck. And thank you.

Mushaim khan
Feb 07, 2018
Feb 07, 2018

That means soo much <3 I'm trying myself to get over this pain ^-^

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Feb 07, 2018
Feb 07, 2018

Hello, Mushaim, I want to hug you right now and tell you, " It's not your fault". Thank you for sharing your story. It must be painful to want to be loved and be deprived of it by the man who brought you in this world.

I commit to pray for you that you find your healing. It is okay to grieve, and I grieve with you now. Please feel free to send me a message if you need a friend. HUG!

Mushaim khan
Feb 07, 2018
Feb 07, 2018

Oh that's so kind of you *-* thanks or being soo good <3

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Feb 07, 2018
Feb 07, 2018

The way you openly write your pain reminds me of my youngest sister who will be turning 18 years old this year. You're welcome!

Mushaim khan
Feb 08, 2018
Feb 08, 2018

^-^ really happy to hear this *-*

Jensine Larsen
Feb 10, 2018
Feb 10, 2018

Mushaim, thank you for sharing so openly your life, your heart, your emotions, your pain.  It takes a strong person to share so openly, and I can feel it.   I love sister Olutosin's wisdom about self-love.  We cannot control other people and they make choices we cannot understand - but we can always have self love.  There is so much opportunity for you - I hope you find freedom, free yourself from waiting for another's love and create the future you want for your life.  You can!