Doing what's hard isn't easy

doing what's hard isn't easy. In my life remember my child hood and teen age years where marked with violence both of a pyiscal and sexual nature. At the age of 24 I was in an emotional hell I was 160 kg and on a truck load of anti depression medication and benzos. When I was 29 I did not relize how my life would be ripped apart. At 1.01am my daughter was born prematurely and spending monts in special care hospital.in the month I would spend 2 years in and out of court fighting for my chances to be a mother. Adruing September I started running and learning mindfulness and I was contemplating on turning my life around. Aduring my court battles I had to be asset by a psychologist and psychiatrist because of my past and my dignosdia wasn't good. PTSD with border line porsenatily and gender dysphoria. Most of the reports read never treated truama or gender dysphoria and risk to child. I rembreme running every day with rumnateing thoughts of the people I hate and how revenge pictures ran through my mind. I found myslmy trying to find ways to battery this thoughts. The philosophy in my mind was do what is harder. It easy to hate and be voilent but it harder to forgive and live peacefully. It took many months of this mind battle. Many people could know this feeling. But building more bombs won't win wars but Strat genocide. Doing what's hard is not so easy even when it cost my job took my child