working with women when you let your heart open

Is it so hard when you pretend like everything is ok, you act normally while last thing you want to do is to be normal while every cell in you body want to scream, knowing deep down in your heart that you need help.
The frequency your tears tend to drop while you commencating with oversea friend trying to tell her what is going on your home town.
Planning your freind birthday when you so depresssed and just wish you could go some where quite and stay by yourself.
The violence around us that we have to deal with, people losing thier family members just becouse they happned to be born in the other side of the country. Seeing your colleague that is some how smarter than you being denied access to govermental job based on their tribal background knowing deep inside you that this is wrong. Living in double stander society is a diffcult thing. We work on women empowerment but recliming our spaces is a hard job, admitting that we are tierd traumatized and we need help is harder.

I have always had big dreams rols that i would love to be, among them is being a support system i have been a good team leader as i see my self, result orinted as my boss used to say and determind girl as my father like to call me.
My vision for me is to develop my skilles as a leader, women right advocator and build my skilles as a cetizen jurnalist i believe i have alot to share about me the little girl, young lady and a women to be. Share my dreams, thoughts and hopes.
This come with a pain, i was there in my life were i used to be in work all day trying to do good and at night i would go back home, leave my smile at the door, evenings seem do long as i dare not to share my joy or sadness, thinking that this pain would never go away. It is not that people around me dont care it is the challange of finding common ground and a language to use.

I would love to see safe spaces for women of my country where they can learn to be themself to feel better to be able to say what they think. Without feeling guilty for dreaming, for daring to be what they want.
A places where little girls could have a look at the world be part of it contrbuit to it and reclaim their rights. I still remember first time i carried out a new medis training for peace building women member of SuWEP it was terrifing being among such great women with at least more than ten years each as women advicators, community leaders and peace builders, i worked for hours preparing my presentation rehearsing it with my slef, then the encrugmwnt from my boss that i can do it and that those women can use information that i share with them to do their work faster, better and more effective. I then became addicted to sharing the online forum inviting new member, sending invitation, translating for the forum, edit and filter content. It wasnt quite a success strory as people tend not to write in my community they prefere to put reporting, writting and comments in their to-do list for later.
I then became peer educator for sure working with youth is more energetic , demanding chllanging but i loved it.

I would love to be one of the Voices of Correspondent as i want to push my self to achive my vistion and be able to give it a voice, shape and share it with other women out there how could have been through the same and let them know that they are not a lone and it is ok to be down for some time and we do have the power inside other and we can ask for help if needed and that there are people out there who are ready to help.
I would love to be able to share my passion for change and be a better change maker.