There is an increase in the number of battered women daily in my community.They either undergo physical or emotional abuse but still hang onto the man.Lets look at a simple case study of both emotinal and physical abuse,Nancy wedded in 2009,a year later she got a baby boy,which was a blessing according to the luo customs.Immediately she put to bed her husband Denis started coming back home late and drunk,with the excuse that the baby was too noisy for him.This went on until Denis started sleeping out coming back in the morning to change clothes and leave for work.One day he came home and Nancy asked him why he had lied to her that he was on a trip yet a colleague had seen him in town in the company of another female...That was a wrong move and Nancy regretted it!Denis beat the living daylights out of her citing that he was not sure if that baby Nancy was nursing was his.Nancy fled to her parents house who in turn sent her to go back to her matrimonial house after Denis had managed to convince her parents that he was sorry.Nancy bit the bait and went back only for the vicious cycle to begin again only this time it was worse,because Denis would bring women to their house and ask Nancy to go and sleep in the spare room...This went on for a while until Nancy couldn't take it anymore.She in turn took a drastic measure,she dosed herself and the baby with petrol and set herself on fire.And that was the end of her life and the baby's.

Reasons why most women in the african culture stay glued is because they are afraid of what their parents and the larger extended family will say.They fear to be an embarrassment to their kinsmen. Some also stay in these violent marriages because of the children they have with the man.

Financial security and abid to maintain a certain class or status quo amongst your peers is another reason.Some women believe they had better cry in a Mercedes benz than cry on a motorcyle..

The more religious ones stay on hoping that if thay pray more then the good Lord will work miracles for them,while some religions also teach doctrines which are against divorces or separations since marriage is seen as a holy sacred institution. Others simply lack self esteem and to them the man they are with are or is the best she can ever get.

Another reason is sexual dependency.Women i african culture are married when virgins so its this one man she knows all her life, To me what so ever reason it is that women like Nancy have for staying put,is just total balderdash and i wouldn't condone such.There are very many forums where such women can go and discuss their issues and get help.The fact that such forums are there then it makes them feel they are not alone and help lift their self esteem.

Comment on this Post


It is quite same in India. In fact even those who are fairly educated and can very well make a new life, stay put because they dread the society pointing a finger at their ability to be a 'good wife'. Keep writing!

Stella Paul Twitter: @stellasglobe