Mother's Moon

One full year into my Peace Corps Service in Thailand and I had not yet bled, no menstruation in 12 months. I took an overnight bus to Bangkok to see the gynecologist. She shamed me, lectured me for not coming sooner, for going so long without my period… “Didn’t your mother teach you about your cycle?” she asked in a condescending voice…
Yes. My mother did teach me about my body – as much as she knew herself. She also taught me to stay grounded, to trust myself and to believe in something greater than myself. My mom had Hodgkin’s disease when I was two and she fought for her life. Now, she was living with Hepatitis C and she believed that her positive outlook would keep her alive and well.
I went back to the Peace Corps office in tears. I requested a new doctor, explaining how I felt wronged and unsafe. The new doctor ran test after test… the last of which was an MRI of my brain. Those hours at the hospital were a blur of tears, anxiety and confusion. I finished back in the doctor’s office – “you have a brain tumor… it’s a pituitary adenoma; it was an incidental find…” His voice was then lost to the background of my mind’s chatter.
I spent the next several months at my village in Thailand – carrying this information around like a dark secret. I convinced my mother that she didn’t need to fly over, that I was fine. And EVERYDAY I prayed… I sent light. I sent healing love. I visualized a brain free from anything toxic, anything contaminated. I communed with God and trusted that I would be healed…
I went back six months later for a follow up MRI. The results showed that it was half the size. The doctors couldn’t believe their eyes… I believed it. I went back to my village – prayed, danced, visualized… Another six months I went for the next MRI – at this point no longer very disturbed by the process. I returned to the doctor a few days later to discuss the results – the tumor had disappeared. They couldn’t believe it. I believed it. It was gone completely. They couldn’t explain why… I knew. I spent some time weeping, some time wondering, some time in gratitude… embracing the miracle that would transform my belief in life forever…